TV: Favorite New Characters of 2009

There's always that one character(s) that keeps you coming back every week. Here are the ones that have me hooked:

Cameron and Mitchell from "Modern Family"
This lovely couple are polar opposites. One's pleasantly plump and the other is thin. One's flamboyant and the other's afraid of public ridicule. One's overly enthusiastic and the other is overly sarcastic. They're an important representation of a modern couple trying to survive in an unforgiving world.
My Favorite Moment: It has to be when they accidentally locked Lily in the car and the emergency operator was concerned about Mitchell's "wife" hyperventilating, when it was actually Cameron who was losing his mind.

Troy and Abed from "Community"
This comedy duo are pretty funny apart. Their deadpan (Abed) and dimwitted (Troy) one-liner deliveries have me rolling every Thursday night. But when they get together for their post-credit schticks, making up Spanish songs and talking about donut-eating, cannibalistic nightmares, it really steps the episode up several notches.
My Favorite Moment: The Spanish Rap song and Abed's Batman impression.

Davis from "Accidentally on Purpose"
Because of the unbelievably inappropriate things that he says and does the show is ten times funnier. The premise is bearable, but without his stoner mentality and "sage" advice, it would be a flop.
My Favorite Moment: When he tried to quit smoking weed to prove he'd be a good babysitter/godfather.

Joan from "Mad Men"
Roger Sterling is a douche! How could you possibly leave your wife for that dimwitted secretary and not leave her for Joanie? Ok, so maybe Joan didn't want to be the office homewrecker, but let's be honest, who would have the balls to call her that to her face? She is a towering inferno. Jessica Rabbit, in the flesh. I thought she was crazy to marry the doctor after he forced himself on her in the office, but she totally made up for it when she smashed that glass vase over his head. She's the only lady on TV who could pull that off and still seem elegant.
My Favorite Moment: Aside from the vase-to-face action, I liked that when Roger and Don were planning their midnight coup and Roger said that they needed a skirt to sort their paperwork, she came in wearing pants. That's right! Cause she's no skirt!

Cole from "Scrubs"
I'm no stranger to obnoxious trust fund kids who try to coast through life. I've seen "Gossip Girl," "The O.C.," "Melrose Place," "90210," and "Privileged." And I've attended NYU. I've been schooled. But this kid is like what happens when you leave your trust fund baby unattended for 20 years and he's basically raised by BET, deluded into believing that he's a player. He's like Vanilla Ice, if he were born rich. The things that come out of his mouth are unbelievable. I get that he's supposed to be a representation of today's generation, which abbreviate words, use -izzle as a suffix, and think perversion is a form of flattery, but that still doesn't soften the blow of every idiotic line that comes out of his mouth.
My Favorite Moment: Anytime he surprises me with a twist on a medical term that if heard by a patient would make them beg for a new doctor or threaten a lawsuit at the notion of malpractice.

Damon from "Vampire Diaries"
You gotta give it up to Ian Somerhalder—thirty years old and playing an undead badass on a teen vampire series. Damon is like if Angelus bit Chuck Bass and made him his little protege, then set him free in the world to wreak havoc. He's vindictive and genuinely terrifying, but at the same time easy to pity and fall for. I can't freaking wait till Elena considers, for a millisecond, the potential that he has as a boyfriend, lover, maker, whatever.
My Favorite Moment: When he did his fake growl imitation of Stefan in the pilot episode.

Tom from "Parks & Recreation"
I'm a fan of ethnic people not playing into their stereotypes, but he's such a polar opposite of the culture he represents that I'm pretty sure they deny any relation. Tom is a backboneless, opportunistic, condescending perv. He's exactly the kind of politician you'd find in a Pawnee government office if politicians were uncensored and unashamed to be completely inconscienable. While it's fun to watch him run amok, it's also nice to see that of all the people in the office, he's the most likely to cut her some slack. He may be a perv on paper (restraining order-wise), but at the end of the day, he's reliable.
My Favorite Moment: The episode when he got a divorce and he refused a lapdance because he was depressed.

April from "Parks & Recreation"
When I started watching the series, I thought she was an insult to my generation. We're not angsty, soulless, nonresponsive, little weirdos with dead eyes. Ok, maybe I was being a bit touchy. But she was the only teenager on the series, and it was only...four years ago that the word teen was in my age, so I felt slighted on their behalf. But when I saw the fifth episode, where Pawnee has to play host to Venezuelan diplomats and represent for America, I started to warm up to her. She revealed she was half Spanish and that she was fluent. Then she proceeded to reject the Venezuelan intern in Spanish, ignore his threats of suicide, and participate in what could only be referred to as the first bilingual soap opera within an American mockumentary. Hands down, the funniest gringo-speaking-Spanish soap opera I've seen since Jack spotted his doppleganger on Telemundo in "30 Rock."
My Favorite Moment: Aside from her Spanish skit, I've been enjoying her school-girl crush on Andy, and her coy glances at the camera.

Abby from "Accidentally on Purpose"
High-strung people can be a bit grating. But her frantic exclamations of excitement or frustration make her seem more...medicated than uptight, which adds to the laughs. No seriously, she has you wondering if maybe her parents slipped in a little Ritalin with her morning cereal and then handed that little problem off to her husband once he slid that engagement ring on her finger. She provides a nice contrast to the uber mellow Davis.
My Favorite Moment: When she asked to borrow Billie's dress while she was already wearing it, and when she said that she answers the phone during sex because she has entered into several sweepstakes. I really hope she's not based on a real person. lol

Brick from "The Middle"
That boy is weird. That really is all you have to know. His one-liners are bizarre and inappropriate, and generally not something a child should ever think or say, but they're not profane. They're just genuinely weird, which is what I personally think most children are anyway. He's like the perfect representation of how weird kids can be. I once assisted my daycare-teacher mom in her classroom and watched as a 4-year-old covertly deposited stolen apple juice into her backpack. Asking apparently never occurred to her. You say "future juvenile delinquent." I say "little weirdo."
My Favorite Moment: Whenever he whispers a word under his breath loud enough to creep out his parents. Hilarious!

Victor from "Dollhouse"
This series was supposed to be a vehicle to show the different personalities Eliza Dushku could take on, proving her worth as an actress. However, Enver Gjokaj was actually the one who outdid everyone on the show, seamlessly moving between personalities and accents like he was meant to play a double agent.
My Favorite Moment: When Victor did an astoundingly perfect Topher impression, goofy mannerisms and all.

Joanna and Max from "Eastwick"
I knew this show was doomed from the start, so I wasn't surprised when it was cancelled. But it started to get good when they added Jason Winston George's character Max, giving Joanna a romantic interest that was worth tuning in for. He gets under skin and if it got renewed, we could've seen the entire evolution of their love-hate relationship. Although, last night it seemed as though he was ordered to infiltrate her life. Hmm.
My Favorite Moment: When he shamelessly stole her job and her story.

Jordan from "Ruby and the Rockits"
I know you probably don't watch the Family Channel or anything that's on it (aside from "Greek" of course), but I swear to you Austin Robert Butler is an extremely funny kid. He made incest funny...and that's NEVER funny. His disturbingly hilarious crush on his cousin Ruby is the funniest part of the series, because even though he's hot enough to get any girl he wants, the only one he does want is related to him. Trust me. You have to see it to believe it.
My Favorite Moment: Any time he stumbles over double entendres that sound like he's in love with her, causing his little brother to call him some variation of "pathetic."

TV Dictionary of 2009

The pop culture zeitgeist adds a lot of new words and phrases to our everyday vernacular. Here are a few from 2009 that I’ve deciphered for your future over-use:

Benjamin Button Syndrome
n. It's when a person looks much younger than they actually are, or are doing something that doesn't apply to their age. i.e. Teaching high school straight out of college.
Source: Dan's description of the new young female professor on "Gossip Girl."

Christan Bale-d
v. to spontaneously scream at someone for an unknown and irrational reason.
Source: "It was hard to understand anything he said after he Christian Bale-d on me," said Kat about Patrick on ABC Family's "10 Things I Hate About You"

Drive-by
n. A moment when someone hits you with an insult or a back-handed comment that you didn't expect them to make.
Source: When Bree implied that Orson wasn't a real doctor on "Desperate Housewives," he said, "That was a bit of a drive-by."

Easy Bake Oven
n. It's a euphemism for a slutty girl's va jay jay.
Source: Casey to a snobby rich girl on "The Unusuals": "They called your junk the easy bake oven."

Factory Girl
n. A music artist who was manufactured by a record company.
Source: Echo accuses a pop star she's guarding of being one in "Dollhouse."

Golf Guygest
n. a period of time when guys talk about golf.
Source: "Castle"

Internet Hotness Conversion Factor
n. It's the filter that people use when describing themselves on the Internet, which usually results in them being thinner and taller.
Source: The boys of the Buy More used this to justify Big Mike's exaggerated description on a dating website on "Chuck."

L.U.G.
n. an acronym for "Lesbian Until Graduation."
Source: "Gossip Girl"

Madonna Whore
n. A girl who is too nice to have sex with--even after 10 dates.
Source: Marco's description of Megan on "Privileged"

The Mosby
n. Say "I love you" to someone far too early in a relationship.
Source: A description of a signature dumping move that was accidentally originated by Ted on "How I Met Your Mother."

Narco Traficante
n. A person who traffics drugs across borders. i.e. a drug mule
Source: Sock was spitballing theories as to why Ben had disappeared suddenly on "Reaper," and apparently he thought Ben being a drug mule was a plausible assumption.

"Read a magazine"
It's a euphemism for another euphemism: "to take a dump."
Source: Of course, "How I Met Your Mother" had to use a dying industry to describe excrement disposal.

Rush Crush
n. A person you're dying to initiate into your fraternity/sorority.
Source: "Greek"

Taste Sensation
n. The feeling that occurs after eating something that doesn't taste good, but isn't gross enough to throw up. Helpful when describing meals that are served during the holidays at the homes of your relatives.
Source: Kate Beckinsale on "Ellen"

Tupac
v. Faking someone's death so that they can become more respected and famous.
Source: Jack said to Jenna on "30 Rock": "I want to Tupac you."

MUSIC: Favorite Singles of 2009

These are my favorite singles (in no particular order) that I've had on replay all year long:

Lily Allen's "Fuck You"
Kelly Clarkson's "Whyyawannabringmedown"
Gavin DeGraw's "Waterfall"
A Moment's Worth's "Too Far, Too Long"
The Black Eyed Peas' "Boom Boom Pow" and "Electric City"
Parachute's "Losing Sleep" and "The Mess I Made"
Hannah Montana's "He Could Be the One"
Jonas Brothers' "Much Better" and "Poison Ivy"
Demi Lovato's "Got Dynamite"
Paramore's "The Only Exception" and "All I Wanted"
Shakira's "Men in this Town"
Carrie Underwood's "Undo It"
Chris Brown's "I Gotta Be Your Man"
Justin Bieber's "One Time"
Jordin Sparks' "Battlefield"
Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams"
Mary J. Blige's "The One" feat. Drake
Keisha's "Tik Tok"
Tyrone Wells's "Sink or Swim"
Pitbull's "I Know You Want Me"
Jet's "She's a Genius"
Jay-Z's "Run this Town" feat. Rihanna and Kanye West
Alison Iraheta's "D is for Dangerous"
Jay Sean's "Down"
Michael Buble's "Cry Me a River" and "Haven't Met You Yet"
Leona Lewis's "Fly Here Now"
Colbie Caillat's "Falling for you"

MUSIC: Best Album Covers of 2009

It would've been cooler if the mix tape was the entire cover, but it's cool nonetheless.

These boys are ridiculous, but this is like on every geek's top 5 list of photo ops.

This isn't a pity vote, I swear. Silhouettes are always awesome!

The simplicity, the contrast--a perfect depiction of what the album would sound like.

A illustration of his drug addiction. That's pretty bold.

FILM REVIEW: Nine - The Musical

Guido Contini, the critically acclaimed director of provocateur, believes laying your script down on paper is tantamount to murder, and talking about it should get you the death penalty. He spends most of his time trying to avoid committing this crime, while repeating another one religiously. In fact, adultery, the act of briefly falling in love, is his religion—is his crime. He isn’t a murderer; he’s a lover.

Guido represents the untamed Italian man, raised by a doting and forgiving mother and cursed with the mandate to find a wife just like her. He's both spoiled by a childhood where he had the freedom to mess up, and haunted by the constant Catholic reminder of his carnal desires. He's tailor-made to be a cheater. At one point he admits that Italy is “a country run by men who are themselves run by women—whether they know it or not,” noting the source of all his anxiety. He depends on the ghost of his mother (Sophia Loren) for forgiveness and guidance, on his wife Luisa (Marion Cotillard from Public Enemies) for support, on his leading lady/muse Claudia (Nicole Kidman) for inspiration, on his costume designer Lilli (Judi Dench) for the truth, and on his mistress Carla (Penelope Cruz) for gratification. So it's to be expected that he falls apart when his wife leaves him, his suicidal mistress's husband takes her home, and his muse quits, refusing to perpetuate their chaste love affair.

Women don’t just rule him, they fuel him. The problem with Guido, both emotionally and professionally, is that he has trouble seeing what is right in front of him. His real muse was his wife, and the script that he couldn’t fathom quickly enough should’ve been about his life and the women who rule it. He subconsciously knew it from the beginning when he told the press he couldn’t answer their questions seriously, because he “thought [he] was the clown in this circus.” He was right. He’s the most entertaining character he’ll ever write about. He needed to explore not only the affect women have on him, but the affect he had on them. Claudia said that women were put on pedestals only to be knocked off for a kiss. They needed to sacrifice their self-respect in order to be loved. Luisa forfeited her career for love and Carla almost forfeited her life. In the end, after years of a self-imposed ban from filmmaking, he decided to write the story of how his only true love knocked him off his pedestal.

Nine turned out to be an unorthodox love story about a man discovering why he should keep making films and why he loved his wife, and whether it was too late to do anything about either. There was no cookie-cutter happy ending, just the truth. The performances were all amazing sights to witness, although you should be warned that a majority of them are very provocative. My favorite was actually during a memory sequence of Guido's Catholic school days when he and his friends paid what I'm assuming was a whore named Saraghina to provocatively dance for them on a beach near her shack. Pop star Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson sung her heart out. "Be Italian" is actually the only song I'd download off the soundtrack. The choreography and direction were fantastic. Listen:


However, Kate Hudson, as the Vogue writer Stephanie, really shocked me with both her dance skills and the range of her voice. The song, "Cinema Italiano," may have been lame, but she definitely made it worth listening to. I hope they make these perform at the Oscars. I'd like to see if they can do it live.

The best acting performance is split between two starlets. Penelope did a fantastic job during the first half of the film with her dimwitted, flirtatious, sultry character Carla. Her wounded animal, self-pitying sense of humor really lightened up the sorrow and anxiety that weighed down the film. The second half goes to Marion for Luisa's declaration of independence in freeing herself from Guido's shadow and reviving the person she once was. Her second song, "Take It All," was the last nail in the coffin of their relationship. Her sorrow and determination kept your eyes glued to the screen, and not just because she was stripping. With every layer, she ripped away a chain that he had wrapped around her with his insecurities and infidelity. She was a free woman.

You should definitely watch this film if you:
1) love musicals
2) love Love and/or
3) love Italy

TRAILER: "Kick-Ass" Comic Book Adaptation

I'm a girl, yes. Girls are expected to be all vagina-gun-ho. But I am NOT over-exaggerating when I say that the comic book heroine Hit-Girl is totally KICK-ASS!!!! Parents may not approve of the 12-year-old's cursing or her...gun-play, but grown-up ladies who are tired of being treated like chihuahua-toting, lip-glossing applying airheads will bow to the prepubescent firecracker. AND the movie isn't even about her.

It's about the title character super hero wannabe, who normally goes by Dave (Aaron Johnson). He's "an unnoticed high school student and comic book fan who one day decides to become a super-hero, even though he has no powers, training or meaningful reason to do so." While on his quest, he meets Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz, who played the hilarious younger sister in 500 Days of Summer), her father Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage), and the equally gangly hero Red Mist (Chris Mintz-Plasse from Superbad). Together they try to bring down a nefarious drug kingpin (Mark Strong from Sherlock Holmes and Rock n Rolla), who happens to be Red Mist's dad. dum-Dum-DUM!!! Bring it!

I don't normally post teasers but this is certainly worth the drool:


Release Date: April 16

TRAILER: Jackie Chan & Jaden Smith's "The Karate Kid" Remake

I was a little skeptical the first time I heard Jaden Smith, Will and Jada's son, was going to star in the remake of the classic martial arts teen film with Jackie Chan as his sensei. It's not that I thought he couldn't pull it off. I've seen him in other films (Pursuit of Happyness and The Day the Earth Stood Still), and I thought he did very well for someone without any acting lessons. I just wasn't keen on a remake of a very well done 80s movie. But after seeing how well he trained and how his smart ass sense of humor truly adds to the story, I'm actually kind of psyched. (Side note: 11-year-olds shouldn't have muscles or 6-packs. That's weird.)


Release Date: June 11

TRAILER: Jennifer Lopez and Alex O'Loughlin's "The Back-Up Plan"

I wasn't planning on seeing this film in theaters, even though many of you lovely ladies seem pretty confident that Alex O'Loughlin has potential to be a major movie star, despite the failures of both of his TV shows "Moonlight" and "Three Rivers." I don't think it's him that fails though. I think it's the material he chooses. This, however, is surprisingly funny for a J.Lo rom-com, especially since she's playing an impatient woman who becomes pregnant with twins through artificial insemination, then meets the man of her dreams. This storyline doesn't exactly scream sexy love story, what with the placenta jokes and the home-birthing nightmares. But I guess since we found Knocked Up hilarious, we've opened the door to more of these type of comedies. It's worth a look, especially since the humor is elevated by co-stars Michaela Watkins ("The New Adventures of Old Christine" and "SNL") and Anthony Anderson.


Release Date: April 16

TRAILER: Anniston & Butler's "The Bounty Hunter" vs. Cruise & Diaz's "Knight & Day"

I was reluctant to believe that Jennifer Anniston could survive in an action movie. After watching the trailer for her romantic action film The Bounty Hunter, where she plays a bail-jumping reporter who's being hunted by the mob while her ex (Gerard Butler) tries to turn her in to the police for a profit, I was a little more convinced. But the truth is I saw this after I saw the trailer for Knight & Day, which I had even less expectations for. I haven't been a fan of Tom Cruise since he started his whole Scientology campaign. Dude, I don't shove my religion down your throat, don't shove yours down mine. But he won me (and many other former fans) back after busting a move in a fat suit in Tropic Thunder, so I cut him some slack when he cast himself a leading actress ten years younger than him for his upcoming romantic action film Knight & Day, where he plays a super spy who has to protect a civilian who witnessed too much. However, Cameron Diaz is...I wouldn't say she's out of his league. It's more like she's playing a different game. She's hilarious, kooky, and not afraid to make a fool out of herself. It turns out she's the perfect co-star for him--despite the height difference. Comparing the two, I've decided the Cruz-Cameron film has better action and better humor. What do you think?


Release Date: March 19


Release Day: July 2

TRAILER: Bruce Willis & Tracy Morgan's "Cop Out"

Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan team up to play idiot cops. Not really that far-fetched. It's basically just a set-up for several gags and cameos, which include Jason Lee ("My Name is Earl"), Michelle Tratchenberg ("Gossip Girl" and "Mercy"), Sean William Scott, Rashida Jones ("Parks and Recreation"), Adam Brody ("The O.C." and Jennifer's Body), Paz Vega (Spanglish), Fred Armisen ("SNL"), Mark Consuelos (yes, Kelly Ripa's husband), Guillermo Diaz ("Mercy" and "Weeds"), and more.

Funniest part: Ok, time out! Time out! Why would you say "Son of a B" so as not to curse in front of your son, then pull out a gun? That seems to cancel itself out. lol

Release Date: February 26

TRAILER: John Cusack's "Hot Tub Time Machine"

I did not expect much from a movie with this title, but after watching the trailer, I've officially been sold. Despite the title, there's an actual premise to this film. Ok so it's a little far-fetched that four guys (John Cusack, The Office's Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry, and Greek's Clark Duke) would go to a ski lodge and discover that the cabin's hot tub has brought them back to 1986, but getting a glimpse of the past helps Cusack's character realize the mistakes he's made in his love life. Where does the humor come in? It's the 80s! The references mixed with the comparisons to the present generation make for some funny ass moments. I love the last scene of the trailer when the kid tries to get a girl's number and then realizes that she doesn't have a cell, can't text him, facebook him, or update her Twitter. Hilarious! Think about it. We'd all be screwed if we went back to the 80s. Plus side though, Michael Jackson would be there. I would totally warn him. lol


Release Date: March 19

TRAILER: Russell Crowe & Ridley Scott's "Robin Hood"

I love the Robin Hood character. Steals from the rich, gives to the poor? That's my kind of hero. But the teaser for the Russell Crowe-Ridley Scott adaptation seems more like your run-of-the-mill battle film—like Braveheart without the face paint and the kilts. Where's the light-hearted pick-pocket? Do you miss him or is this your kind of Robin?


Release Date: May 14

TRAILER: Jude Law & Forest Whitaker in "Repo Men"

I think Jude Law enjoyed all the action-packed adventure he had on the set of Sherlock Holmes, because signing on for this film seems out of character. I really feel like Jason Statham could've easily slipped into this role.
Law plays a repo man of the biological nature. In the near future, a company will provide artificial organs to people on their death-bed. If they don't keep up with their monthly payments, the repo men cut the organs out of them. There isn't a hospital room that they escort them to or a sterlized wagon they drive up to their home. They just spontaneously show up and carve it out of them. The story gets interesting when Law's character electrocutes himself during a job and is in need of a heart transplant. Luckily, the company jumps at the chance to give him an artificial one. Since they employ him, it shouldn't be a problem to make payments, right? Well apparently, becoming one of the needy makes it difficult for you to kill one. Failing to follow orders makes him expendable. And who better to take back his heart than his partner and best friend (Forest Whitaker). As is the norm, he begins a one-man quest to take down the company in order to stay alive! Liev Schreiber stars as the face of the company and Alice Braga plays Law's love interest.


Release Date: April 2

BUZZ: Carrell & Fey Re-Team, Gervais's Next Directing Project, Star of Step Up 3-D, and more

• Sam Worthington's next film is a remake of the thriller The Debt with Helen Mirren, Ciaran Hinds, Tom Wilkinson, and Martin Csokas. "In 1965, three young Israeli Mossad agents on a secret mission capture and kill a notorious Nazi war criminal. Now, thirty years later, a man claiming to be the Nazi has surfaced in the Ukraine and one of the former agents must go back undercover to seek out the truth." At the moment, it doesn't have an American distributor, but after the success of Avatar, I'm sure something will get worked out soon. Either way, you'll be seeing the rugged Aussie soon enough. He has two back-to-back films slated for March. First is the much-awaited Louis Leterrier-directed Clash of the Titans, where he'll play the mortal son of Zeus who must stop the underworld from overtaking Earth. Then he'll face the perils of love in the indie drama Last Night, where he'll play a businessman who must fight temptation while on a trip with a colleague (Eva Mendes), and Keira Knightley will play his wife who runs into her past love.

• I'm super excited for the Steve Carrell-Tina Fey rom-com Date Night, and even more excited to discover that they've already signed on to do another rom-com together called Mail-Order Groom. "The story follows a naive single woman who can't find love and ends up with a husband from Eastern Europe, bringing him home to the States." I'm just picturing Carrell acting like Balki from that 80s series "Perfect Strangers," super foreign, thick accent, and socially retarded, because the chances that Carrell's going to play suave and debonair are as high as Fey playing a Victoria's Secret model.

• I'm a bit intrigued about one of Mark Ruffalo's upcoming projects, where he plays the sperm donor for a lesbian couple's (Annette Benning and Julianne Moore) two children. The Kids Are Alright is a comedy about two kids (Josh Hutcherson and Mia Wasikowska) who get to meet their biological father when the oldest turns 18, which leads to a little bit of chaos. I've always wondered how that works out.

• Ricky Gervais and his "Office" buddy Stephen Merchant have co-directed and co-written the coming of age comedy Cemetery Junction, which takes place in the 70s. It's about "a young guy wants to escape his working-class world but his two best friends are happy with life as is. When the guy's job reintroduces him to an old sweetheart, the trio must make choices that will change their lives for ever."

• Ellen Page is very good at being quirky. And one of her next films is pretty quirky. She'll star alongside Rainn Wilson (The Rocker), Liv Tyler, and Kevin Bacon in the action comedy Super, where an everyday guy decides to become a superhero, which he dubs the Crimson Bolt, in order to save his wife from a seductive drug dealer. I pray to God she's his scrappy sidekick. I could totally see that.

• I was wondering what Adam Sevani had been up to since busting a move in Step Up 2 the Streets (besides hanging out with Miley Cyrus on youtube), and it turns out he's been filming Step Up 3-D. He'll reprise his role as the nerdy break dancer Moose. MSA goes to Paris and when they're headed back to the states, he misses the flight. So he decides to team up with French dancers to win an international dance competition. Maybe to get enough money to go home? Who knows? The point is it's a new location, new faces, new dance moves, and the promise of cameos by former Step Up stars Briana Evigan, Robert Hoffman, and Channing Tatum.

• Nick Swardson (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry) will play the son of former 70s porn stars in the comedy Born to Be a Star. After he discovers his legacy, he decides to move to Hollywood and follow in his parents' footseps to become the biggest adult-film star in the world. Cue the laughs. Christina Ricci and Stephen Dorff (Blade) also star.

• Zoe Saldana admitted that ET was her favorite alien character. Mine is Marvin the Martian, and apparently I'm not the only fan. Warner Bros. is bringing the adorable alien character to the big screen in CG/live action film, where he'll come to Earth and try to destroy Christmas, but has a little difficulty when he gets stuck in a gift box. Hmm, I don't remember him being that dumb, but I'll reserve my judgment until the trailer arrives.

• The British humorist/on-air personality Danny Wallace will star in his own ABC comedy series "Awkward Situations for Men." It'll be based on his upcoming book, which "follows him as he moves to the U.S. with his wife, only to discover that his everyday behavior clashes with American values and gets him into trouble." The writers of "That 70's Show" are behind it, so perhaps there'll be a few decent laughs.

FILM REVIEW: Avatar

On the surface, it would seem that director/writer James Cameron created an entirely new world, complete with an alien species, mysterious creatures, and a foreign language. Many have refuted that fact on Twitter and in the blogosphere, claiming that it's just a rip-off of the barely-seen Delgo, and the 90s childhood favorite FernGully. The truth is, not only is Avatar far more superior in visuals, plot, and dialogue, but what it does copy isn't previously released tales, but history itself.

The Navi, the indigenous people of Pandora, bear a very obvious resemblance to early century Africans, sporting braids/dreds, armed with spears and arrows, painted with tribal markings, and towering at 7ft minimum. One could say that the blue color chosen for the Navi could be in reference to how very dark Africans are referred to as blue-black.

The Americans, who go to Pandora from their dying Earth, are in search of a very expensive mineral that happens to grow underneath a sacred tree that the Navi live in. Their plan is to negotiate relocation for the natives or to force them out, essentially threatening genocide. This isn't the first time Americans have been portrayed as land-stealing or resource-pilfering tyrants, but it is an interesting depiction of the Earth-pilaging actions of humans in general, from conflict-diamond mining to oil digging. Whereas most people might leave the theater agreeing that America is a highly invasive and capitalist nation, what they should leave with is the overarching idea that it has become human nature to take from the Earth without weighing the consequences.

The Navi believe that everything in nature is connected. They can emotionally and physically connect with anything, from a horse-like creature to even a fluorescent willow-like tree using what appear to be neurological chords that extend from within the ends of their long braids. They use these chords to become bonded with creatures, to gain their trust and share their strength. They believe in giving back to the Earth and showing appreciation for its gifts, apologizing to a creature when they kill it for food, and thanking their planet for giving life to a friend as they bury them. They only mourn unnecessary deaths for they understand the Circle of Life and never question the natural course of things.

Since the Navi had interacted with the humans before and tried to teach them the ways of their people, they were resistant to accepting Jake (Sam Worthington). However, once they realized he was a warrior and not a scientist like Dr. Grace (Sigourney Weaver), who although quite civil and respectful of their culture, didn't fully appreciate their spirituality. Because of Jake they were more willing to try to assimilate the humans one last time. They trained him like they would any Navi child who was preparing to "become a man," working his way up to bonding with a Banshee and earning a spear carved from the sacred tree. They taught him their language, which Cameron had a linguistics professor create, and they taught him what it meant to say "I see you," which could be interpreted as their way of saying, "I love you."

Worthington's character was just as compelling as the Navi themselves. He was a Marine forced into retirement after a spinal-cord injury that left him handicap. He agreed to go on this expedition with his twin scientist brother, but his brother was killed before they shipped out. The mining company had an avatar created from the genetic material of his twin, so they figured not only could Jake replace him, but also act as a mercenary and infiltrate the Navi to gain their trust and map-out their headquarters for future invasion.

"The Navi say that every person is born twice—the second time is when you earn your place among the people." I believe that Jake's rebirth occurred in four stages. The first was the first time he connected with his avatar. Having been handicap for so long, I knew he would leap up onto his new feet the moment he regained consciousness, eager to run again and feel the soil between his toes. Considering how many hours the other avatar users needed to log in before being able to even stand, it was as though Jake were a natural. The second stage was when he bonded with his Banshee and participated in the Navi ceremony that was a cross between a Bar Mitzvah and knighthood. It was as though as a crippled person he didn't really feel like a Marine anymore, even though he was hell-bent on proving that he was. Being inducted into the Navi tribe was like joining a new brotherhood and regaining the respect he once had as a soldier. The third stage [MAJOR SPOILER] was when he did what only five other Navi were capable of accomplishing: bonded with the fiercest creature in the sky, the Leonopteryx. When the Navi, who had previously shunned him for his betrayal, realized the honor that he possessed, they could no longer deny his place in their tribe. He was not only a warrior, but a leader. The final stage was when he chose to become a Navi for real on his birthday and transfer his soul from his human body to his avatar, completing his transformation [END OF MAJOR SPOILER].

However, Jake made an interesting observation when he first met his avatar. He said it looked like his twin brother, which prompted his scientist pal Norm (Joel Moore) to point out that that meant it looked like him. I felt like in getting to bond with his brother's avatar, he was also getting to bond with his brother. So in that sense it felt more like Jake was being completed, discovering his other half, rather than being reborn. In the end, when the final battle occurs, he is riding the Leonopteryx in his avatar-form, while toting a machine gun and communicating with his friends through headphones. He combined his Navi warrior training with his Marine training, creating an ultimate soldier.

While the film does address spirituality, it labels it simply as faith and not a specific religion. However, there are remnants of Hinduism, Greek mythology, and Christianity within it. When I initially searched for Avatar in Wikipedia, it gave me the encyclopedia definition, which is a Hindu representation of a holy being that comes from heaven to earth, and is translated into English as an "incarnation." In Greek, Pandora means "giver of all." She was made out of Earth as a punishment to mankind for stealing fire. She's mainly known for releasing all the evils of the world, but she managed to safely lock away Hope and that is exactly what this planet of Pandora possesses. The representation of Christianity is in the Navi's Tree of Life, which not only gives knowledge but provides guidance. [MAJOR SPOILER] When Dr. Grace is wounded, they attempt to transfer her soul into her avatar using the fluorescent roots of the tree. She is adorned in leaves, much like Eve was. You could say as a scientist, she represented the Eve that asked too many questions and sought too much knowledge. Even as she was being brought to this sacred place that no humans were allowed to visit, she told Jake that this would be a perfect opportunity to get samples. You could even say that the reason it didn't work for her and it did for Jake was because he simply did as he was told and did not question the will of their world. He accepted this Garden of Eden and respected the balance of power that it required. [END OF MAJOR SPOILER]

If this film really referenced the tale of Adam and Eve, then I guess you could say the closest thing to a seductive serpent crawling in those woods was Colonel Quaritch (Stephen Lang), who made it his mission to take out the Navi. To accomplish it, he went so far as to bribe Jake with the promise of an expensive surgery that would restore his legs, and suggest that in completing this mission, he could once again be considered a real Marine. Forget the fact that Lang is 57 years old—no really you're going to forget—he was seriously badass. Even though you're not supposed to be rooting for him, you can't help but be in awe. Humans can't breathe in Pandora's atmosphere. They have to always use an oxygen mask. But when Jake tried to escape to warn the Navi, the Colonel busted through the command center's door, barked for everyone to put on their masks, held his breath, and shot off like a hundred rounds before a lackey handed him a mask. Oh is that not enough? Okay, when he almost gets blown to bits by a makeshift grenade and his shoulder catches on fire, he just swats away the flames and springs into action. He jumps into a giant robot, takes control of it, and then leaps out of the crashing plane and lands—I shit you not—like the Terminator. Bad-ass!

Of course, he wasn't the most dangerous thing in the jungle. There were a lot of well-drawn creatures lurking. That's the second reason I feel that this film isn't so much completely original, but a mutation of a world we already know. The Tree of Life's seeds looked jellyfish. The Navi's land transportation were eight-legged horses. The largest land creature seemed to be a cross between a hammer-head shark and a rhino. My favorite was actually the panther-like creature that seemed to have a beetle shell. The Navi themselves were also incredibly beautiful, and—I don't know if it's because of the current vampire mania—but I loved that they had long, portruding canine teeth and Nightcrawler-like tails.

I didn't see the film in 3-D or IMAX, but I can sincerely say that Cameron did an impeccable job of bringing you into this world and making you feel like one of the Navi. It was definitely essential for the film to exceed two hours for not only all of the character development to seem complete but for the viewer to become engulfed. The only change that I would suggest off the top of my head is for Michelle Rodriguez to have been put to better use. Zoe Saldana did a great job as the mediator between both races and as the incredible warrior princess Neytiri, but I know Rodriguez has more fight in her than what I saw. She was wasted stuck in a hovercraft and should've been in the land battle, going head-to-head with all of those gun-toting meatheads. Aside from that, I'd say it's a solid-A film that should totally get cinematography props at the Oscars at least.

ALBUM REVIEWS: Justin Bieber's "My World," John Mayer's "Battle Studies," and Chris Brown's "Graffiti"

These three male artists are either known for causing riots and deafening entire arenas, or publicly wronging a Hollywood starlet. Either way, their business is love and for some of them, business is booming. Justin Bieber is enjoying a ridiculously successful rise to stardom. John Mayer is taking a "break" from romancing the ladies and has instead opted to gripe about his heartache. Meanwhile, Chris Brown infuses nearly every lyric with apologies, implorations, and remorseful declarations directed towards Rihanna. Interested in updating your crooner's playlist? Download these choice-tracks:

Justin's album My World is actually just Part I. The second installment hits iTunes in March, probably slated to coincide with his bday. I can just hear the little girls screaming now, "Happy Birthday Justin!" Needless to say, his hit "One Time," is a must-buy. It's catchy, it's sweet, and it's as close to a serenade that most of us will ever get. Surprisingly enough though, the 15-year-old Canadian, co-wrote several songs ("Down to Earth," "Bigger," and "First Dance" feat. Usher), all of which have actually charted at the bottom of the Top 100, despite the fact that they weren't officially released as singles. With every actual single ("One less lonely girl," "Love me," and "Favorite Girl") released, however, he looses steam. Hopefully, Part II will reinvigorate sales. Until then, I'd recommend the super-sweet "Favorite Girl" (below) and the slow-jam "Common Denominator."

John Mayer's Battle Studies is heavy on the war metaphors and the heartbreak, which is even proven by the title of his second single "Heartbreak Warfare." I wasn't really a fan of his first single, "Who Says," and definitely not a fan of its video. As a sample of the album, it didn't get me too excited for the release. Then when I finally heard it, I found it difficult to get lost in the songs like I have with previous albums, but I guess I'm just not feeling heartbroken-Mayer, especially after listening to his half-assed collaboration with Taylor Swift in "Half of my heart." If there was a 1-10 volume scale controlling her mike, I'd say hers was on 2. My favorite track is "Assassins," where he describes how he realized that even a player can get played, which is very amusing to me:

"I was a killer/was the best they'd ever seen/I'd steal your heart/before you ever heard a thing/I'm an assassin/and I had a job to do/Little did I know/that girl was an assassin too."

Ahh, Chris Brown. How you've even managed to survive after the massive error you made in judgement, I have no idea. Alas, I love music, not musicians, so let's see what Graffiti has to offer. I ignored the apology songs ("Crawl" and "So Cold"), all of the bragging songs, and anything where he suggests that he can satisfy me in bed ("Take my time"). I generally hate any sex songs sung by anyone under 21. I have no confidence that they actually know what they're talking about. Unfortunately, that nixes "Wait," which actually has a good beat. "I.Y.A." just sounds like really bad techno music, like he thought he could branch out into a different genre. In "Lucky me," he whines about the press with African chanting in the chorus—super random—and in "Girlfriend," he wastes Lupe Fiasco's time.

The tracks to download are "Transform ya" for the robotic beat, "Famous Girl" for the clever references to other artists' songs, "Falling Down" for the Michael-Jackson-like rhythms, despite the fact that he's whining about his lack of popularity, and "Gotta Be Ur Man" and "I Love U" for being light-hearted Poppy songs. So if you can manage to pretend like all of these songs aren't geared towards someone he turned into a victim, you just might enjoy them.

TRAILERS: "Death at a Funeral" Remake

In 2007, the British comedy Death at a Funeral debuted in American theaters. Me and my buddy Sue were amused enough by the trailer to hit up an indie theater in the Village one summery afternoon. We were happily surprised to discover that it was friggin hilarious. There is so much going on in this film--it is truly an ensemble accomplishment. The Brits do 'em best (i.e. Snatch, Love Actually, etc.). So it's about a guy who's trying to bury his father with dignity, but is having a little trouble considering that he had a secret gay midget lover who's trying to blackmail him. Not to mention his family can't seem to bottle their insanity for just a few hours to mourn, doing everything from accidentally getting high (and subsequently naked) to improperly caring for their poop-filled grandfather.

The film was so funny in fact that Chris Rock wanted to adapt it into an African American-cast film, bringing on board Zoe Saldana, Luke Wilson, James Marsden, Columbus Short, Danny Glover, Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock, Regina Hall, Tracy Morgan, Loretta Devine, Kevin Hart, and Peter Dinklage, who reprises his role. I'd have to say I'm skeptical that it'll be funnier, but it's definitely funny so far. The remake is set for an April 16th release, so watch the trailers below and decide whether you'd rather rent the Brit version or patiently await the American version:

British The Death at a Funeral


American The Death at a Funeral

TRAILERS: Nicolas Cage's "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" VS. "Season of the Witch"

Nicolas Cage has been getting great reviews for his role in the remake of Bad Lieutenant, but as it usually happens, he has a few non-Oscar-worthy films already in the pipeline. Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with these films, they're just not something critics will be raving about and they seem a bit off-track after so much praise. But since he hasn't had the best of luck with films lately (Bangkok Dangerous and Knowing) and he's managed to get everyone's attention again, I wonder which film people will be most interested in seeing.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Plot: In modern day Manhattan, the master sorcerer Balthazar Blake (Cage) attempts to protect the city from his arch-nemesis, Maxim Horvath (Alfred Molina), an evil wizard with nefarious plans, but he won't be able to do it without the help of a novice sorcerer (Jay Baruchel from She's Out of My League and Knocked Up) who he must train.
Why Watch: I realize that after reading that premise, you might think it's really lame. But I swear on a stack of DVDs that the graphics in this film are stellar and it's worth at least sneaking into.
Release Date: July 16


Season of the Witch
Plot: 14th-century knights transport a suspected witch to a monastery, where monks deduce her powers could be the source of the Black Plague.
Why Watch: Ok so, you know how in a horror movie people are normally trying to get away from the scary person trying to kill them? Well imagine if the only way to beat them was to bring them somewhere far to remove their powers. So basically you, the hero/future victim, have to travel with the scary person. I was basically not even half-way through the trailer before I started screaming, "Please God just kill her already! Nah-uh, I aint fighting no werewolves!"
Release Date: March 19


Since I'm a coward I'd rather watch the non-terrifying, long-haired, badass Cage than the terrifying long-haired, badass Cage. How about you?

TRAILERS: Stiller's Greenberg vs. Broderick's Wonderful World vs. Douglas' Solitary Man

Maybe I've had blinders on for a while, but I'm starting to notice a lot of...older Hollywood gentlemen signing on for indies where they bag hot young women and have some sort of mid-life crisis. First, there was the trailer for Ben Stiller's Greenberg, where he plays an ambitionless hipster who beds his brother's assistant (Jennifer Jason Leigh), then there was Matthew Broderick's Wonderful World, where he plays a broken-hearted divorcee who's reluctant to fall in love but does so with his friend's nurse (Sanaa Lathan), and now there's Michael Douglas' Solitary Man, where he plays a womanizer who's in denial about his age and manages to seduce his girlfriend's (Mary Louise Parker) daughter (Imogen Poots) into bed. These gentlemen are obviously class acts. Which one of them would you pay to see crumble?

Wonderful World


Solitary Man



Although I feel Greenberg would be the most insightful, especially since it was written and directed by Noah Baumbach (Fantastic Mr. Fox and Margot at the Wedding), I'd rather see Solitary Man for the humor and the cast, which includes Jesse Eisenberg (Zombieland), Jenna Fischer ("The Office"), Danny DeVito, Susan Sarandon, Mary Louise Parker ("Weeds"), Anastasia Griffith ("Trauma"), and the mesmerizing 20-year-old British newcomer Imogen Poots (28 Weeks Later and Me and Orson Welles).

FILM: Portman in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe, Taylor Lautner as Max Steel, and more

• Natalie Portman just scored the rights to Seth Grahame-Smith's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies horror spoof of the classic Jane Austen romance. The author "infused bloodthirsty flesh-eating zombies into the action. The tome now tells the timeless story of a woman's quest for love and independence amid the outbreak of a deadly virus that turns the undead into vicious killers." Portman will play Elizabeth, whose mission to destroy all of the zombies is sidetracked when Mr. Darcy enters her life. Please oh please let James McAvoy be her Darcy. Ok fine, if he has to be tall and broad-shouldered, then maybe...Ben Barnes or (lol) Robert Pattinson. Oh sweet jesus that would be torture. He should probably avoid romantic lead roles geared towards teenage girls for a while. A long while.

• Why is an American playing Pancho Villa in the biopic Seven Friends of Pancho Villa and the Woman with Six Fingers? I mean, I think Johnny Depp is an incredible actor, capable of completely transforming himself for a role, but with Hispanic actors like Javier Bardem, Antonio Banderas, Benicio Del Toro, and John Leguizamo in existence, why is Depp the lucky winner? Thankfully, they're not slapping a fake accent on a brunette-dyed-blonde to play the Mexican Revolutionary General's love interest. Salma Hayek is in talks to co-star.
 
• Another odd casting choice for an iconic character is Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe. Since Scarlett Johansson dropped out of Simon Curtis' My Week with Marilyn, the critically adored actress was tapped. It's not that I don't think she can cut it. Playing ditzy is a blonde reflex, which she proved she had on "Dawson's Creek." I just think that they could find another Hollywood blonde who not only has more facial similarities, but who has a rounder and more voluptuous torso. If only Christina Hendricks ("Mad Men") had a rounder face, or Christina Aguilera could act, or Lindsay Lohan were a lot more stable. I wonder if she'll put on weight for the role.
 
• The scripts are obviously rolling in for Taylor Lautner, and since he often mentions that he'd love to have the dramatic and action-packed film career of Matt Damon, it's no surprise that he's signed on to bring Mattel's action figure Max Steel to life. He'll play the "19-year-old extreme sports junkie recruited by a secret agency after an accident infects his body with nanobots, making him superhuman." He seems physically perfect for the role, but can he carry a franchise all on his own?
 
• While we're on the subject of vampires, a surprising new screenwriter has penned a script about Dracula as a young prince called Vlad. Who knew actor Charlie Hunnam (FX's "Sons of Anarchy") had writing aspirations of a supernatural nature? Well, actually he doesn't. The story isn't about vampires. It's about a 15th century Romanian warrior who had a penchant for brutality and a grudge against the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire, who invaded his country, killed his father, and turned his little brother against him and converted him from a Christian to a Muslim. His legend inspired the tales of Dracula. A few more surprising facts about the project: 1) Brad Pitt is producing. 2) Hunnam wants it to be more Braveheart than 300. 3) He would prefer to play Vlad's younger brother, and have Colin Farrell (his favored choice) or Christian Bale or Ryan Gosling (a bit of a stretch he says) play Vlad. This sounds ambitious, but I'm still excited.

• I've been wondering, ever since I heard that the rights to the Terminator story were up for sale, whether McG was going to continue the new trilogy he started with Terminator Salvation. Apparently, until the property is auctioned off in February 2010 and the new owners decide whether they like McG's story arc, we won't know for sure. McG must be thinking "FML."

• It was reported previously that Anne Hathaway would be playing the villain Black Cat in the next Spider-Man film, but now the rumor is that she'll be playing the daughter of John Malcovich's villian The Vulture. And like James Franco's character, she'll take up the family business as The Vulturess.

• Josh Brolin is rumored to be in the running for a role in the upcoming Men in Black 3. I started to think about it and he kind of looks like Tommy Lee Jones. Could he be playing his son, and a potential new partner for Will Smith's character? Eh! He'll probably play a villain. Hopefully, it won't be too campy. It has the potential of veering into Spy Kids 3D: Game Over territory. Ugh.

• I enjoy supernatural tales, especially when they involve unorthodox creatures. Lauren Kate's teen novel Fallen, a "contemporary story that centers on an alienated girl torn between two charismatic young men, unaware that they are fallen angels who have battled over her for centuries." Besides the fact that this sounds almost exactly like "Vampire Diaries," it seems like it could lead to an interesting development. Falling in love with a dead demon-possessed creature or a hairy moon-driven wolf is one thing. Falling in love with a being that's one step closer to God than humans seems like it could be treading different romantic ground...but considering it's for teens, probably not. lol

• I love stories where people fall in love over time as opposed to in just one day or one moment (i.e. When Harry Met Sally; only exception: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist), which is why I'm psyched about Lone Scherfig's (An Education) latest project, which is ironically named One Day. "Based on author David Nicholls's novel, the story revolves around Dexter and Emma, who meet for the first time during their graduation in 1988 and proceed to meet one day a year for the next 20 years."

• Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl's five-novel fantasy series Beautiful Creatures is being adapted into a film. It "follows Ethan Wate, a popular high school student who hates living in a small town in South Carolina where nothing happens—until he os bewitched by Lena Duchanne, a 16-year old whose family has moved back to town and who wishes for a mundane life. The star-crossed couple has to confront an age old curse that has haunted her family for generations, as she comes to grips with her powers." It sounds like another product of the Twilight craze, except now we're entering Wiccan territory. I'll see who they cast before I start to judge. They already have Richard LaGravenese (P.S. I Love You) signed on to write and direct.

• While teen girls usually prefer watching films about hopelessly romantic characters, maybe they'll have a change of heart when they see the trailer for The Lonely Hearts Club. Elizabeth Eulberg's teen novel focuses on a "heartbroken teen who comes to the conclusion that most high school boys are total jerks and declares herself founding member of said club, refusing to date again until graduation. Other girls quickly join, taking the same oath and forming a movement that throws the high school into an uproar." I think I'd watch just to see if she's the first to break the pact and prove herself wrong. Hmm.

TV RECAP: "90210": Naomi Steals Liam from Ivy, Silver Rejects Teddy for Dixon, & Annie Tries to Dump Jasper

The Emancipation of Liam
Ivy’s a gem—the best friend a boy could ever have. Too bad she’s not really Liam’s type. Apparently, juvenile delinquents with a penchant for surfing and building things really like stuck-up, drama queens with a keen fashion sense (i.e. The O.C.’s Ryan and Marissa). Was Naomi the logical choice? Probably not. But they make better TV than a couple that always gets along. So I’m glad they’ve resolved their issues and I’m glad she got him to lift the tarp—revealing a boat he’s been building to channel his anger—and I’m glad he’s vowed to be more open about his feelings and thoughts. He's already starting to share, revealing that his father “went away.” Now all we have to do is get him to translate that into either prison or just your average abandonment. Either could make for a juicy storyline next year. But even if Naomi and Liam's relationship promises to be smooth sailing, Ivy isn’t exactly down for the count…not by the looks of Naomi’s relentless need to openly insult her or their future bikini beach fight.

Dixon vs. Teddy
In other love triangle news, it seems Teddy is so serious about dating Silver exclusively that he would risk getting rejected by her not once, but three times—one of which includes a live public broadcast professing his devotion in front of the entire school. DE-nied! It was only after he stole a kiss at the dance and Naomi pointed out that she admitted she enjoyed it, that Silver realized she liked him. But once she saw him hugging—just hugging—a blonde, she figured he was back to his old ways. Dixon, however, knew the girl was his sister, but he did the douchetastic thing and failed to clear up the misunderstanding. That’ll come back to bite him in the ass for sure. If not, I'm sure there'll be plenty of consequences for the kiss he planted on her. You know what they say, “Once you go black…” “Guys love crazy chicks.” They may not watch soaps, but they love being apart of the drama.

RomeoDrug dealer + JulietMurderer
I was super-excited to see how Annie would learn that Jasper knew she killed his uncle, and to see whether Jasper was only dating her as revenge. But it turns out he figured, “You’re a murderer. I’m a drug dealer. It’s like we’re meant to be!” Of course, once everyone apologized for alienating her and proved they cared enough to conduct an intervention, where Adrianna promised to admit to buying drugs from him even if she would get expelled, Annie decided she was better than him and that she could do better than him. She is and she can, but will she? It kind of looks like she’ll have to stay in the relationship in order to keep him quiet. I secretly hope so, because that’s not how I wanted her to come to terms with what she did. I want a big blow-out reveal with her parents being disappointed, and her brother feeling guilty, and Naomi realizing the extent of the damage she did. I want it to be epic.

In other news...
• Navid, Naomi, and Silver admired Adrianna's willingness to get expelled, so they're all bffs again. My only gripe with that situation is that she was only willing to do it after she realized Annie, who hasn't been in her friend in forever, was dating him, but wasn't inspired to do so after Navid told her that Jasper tried to murder him. That seems a little backwards. Proven murderer totally trumps drug-dealing boyfriend. Oh and for those of you excited about Navid and Adrianna's reconciliation, don't be. I hear she's going to be getting a female romantic interest next year and not just for one episode.
• Navid has vowed that he will find some killer way to take down Jasper. Hopefully, Ivy will come up with another fantastic plan to expose him and they'll get Annie to put her stellar acting skills to good use. Hmm, that could potentially add to the epicness of her ultimate confession.
• Last, but not least, we caught Ryan downing some Vodka at the party he was supposed to be chaperoning, and it appears he'll be going to work hungover next year as well. Could it be? Did Jen turn him into an alcoholic? Or maybe he's so in love with her he'll consider letting her past transgressions slide and take her back. That should be interesting.

Which couple are you most excited about for next year?