FILM TOPIC: Who Will Replace the "Retiring" Rom-Com Leading Actresses?

When I heard that Katherine Heigl signed on for the thriller Face Blind, where she plays a psychologist terrorized by a stalker who she's unable to identify, I gasped in disbelief. Katherine Heigl, the heiress to Kate Hudson's rom-com throne, is doing a non-romantic film after four years of inundating the masses with one contrived romantic plot line after the other? Really? What is happening?

At first, I chalked it up to low box office returns and bad reviews (One For the Money: $25 mil & 2% Rotten Tomatoes rating; New Years' Eve: $54 mil & 8%; Life As We Know It: $53 mil & 28%; Killers: $47 mil & 11%), and tacked on her seemingly desperate desire to return to "Grey's Anatomy." But then that same day I read that Kate Hudson had signed on to TWO non-rom-coms: the action thriller Everly about a woman who has to fend off assassins sent by her mob boss ex, and the thriller The Reluctant Fundamentalist about the affects of 9/11 on a Pakistani businessman. I know what you're thinking: Two is a coincidence. Three is a trend. Well then, I suggest you call it now, because Jennifer Lopez just wrapped the crime thriller Parker with Jason Statham. And if that isn't enough, Jennifer Aniston has signed on for the the dramedy Miss You Already about best friends saying goodbye as one is dying, and the crime film Switch about heist-planning ex-cons.

I don't know if the current wave of women-centric comedies, some actually written by women, has now freed these Rom-com Queens from their eternal sentence of giggling at the sight of men or falling in love with someone they hated not two scenes before, but I do know that the new opportunities they're being presented with has left the throne empty. Granted, now that women can be funny without having to fall in love there might not be a need for a Rom-Com Queen or even that many rom-coms in the works, but let's say for one second (or post) that Rom-Coms, like comedies, might just get smarter. Let's say, for argument's sake, that they're not being retired but reworked. Who will ascend to the throne?

A few young starlets have tried their hand at the rom-com genre. B-list actresses Alexa Vega and Camilla Belle gave it a go with last year's From Nada to Prada. Newcomer Alice Eve sexed up the screen with her modest hottie act in She's Out of My League. Veteran eye candy Megan Fox seems way too hot to play believably lovelorn. Scarlett Johansson has a similar issue. Amanda Seyfried is a good balance between sexy and sweet, so she had a brief run with Mamma Mia and Dear John. Amanda Bynes kind of...lost her mind a little bit and pretty much flushed all of her cred down the drain after 2006's She's the Man—but at least she gave meus Channing Tatum. No Strings Attached is proof enough of why we should never subject Oscar winner Natalie Portman to such roles. Kristen Bell should be banned from rom-coms after You Again and When in Rome. Mandy Moore has never really been a romantic lead draw ever since she reached enlisting age, failing miserably with How to Deal, Chasing Liberty, Because I Said So, License to Wed, and Love, Wedding, Marriage. The title, for some reason, has never stuck on Anne Hathaway (The Devil Wears Prada, Bride Wars, and Valentine's Day). Zooey Deschanel is too busy with her hit new series, "New Girl." And Amy Adams, Emma Stone, and Kristen Wiig are way too good to limit themselves to one genre.

The problem with choosing from the new crop of leading ladies is that the obvious suspects are not exactly following in their predecessors' footsteps. Blake Lively seems more interested in establishing herself as a serious actress, peddling that story about earning her role in The Town at every talk show, and scoring a leading role in the Oliver Stone dramatic thriller Savages. Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens are attempting the same, shaking off their preteen fans to adopt a more mature audience—Cyrus with the indie dramedy LOL and the action comedy So Undercover, and Hudgens with the indie drama Gimme Shelter. And Shailene Woodley (The Descendants) already has an Oscar-worthy head start. Mamie Gummer wouldn't dare sully her mother Meryl Streep's legacy with formulaic material. Emma Watson, fresh off her Harry Potter fame, is diving deep into indie dramas with the adaptation of The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Your Voice in My Head. As is Felicity Jones with Cheerful Weather for a Wedding and The Invisible Woman. Kirsten Dunst's resurgence seems to be indie-specific, having starred in Melancholia and Bachelorette last year—and the world will see this year that Eva Mendes has the same ambition. Noomi Rapace looks too volatile to romance anyone comically. Zoe Saldana (Colombiana, Star Trek 2, Avatar 2, etc.) is having too much fun playing volatile. Jennifer Lawrence is locked down with The Hunger Games saga, and Rooney Mara with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy. Kirsten Stewart wouldn't be caught dead in a rom-com—or so she's adamantly said. Jessica Chastain is kicking genre ass, mixing it up every time you try to peg her. And Carey Mulligan, Elizabeth Olsen, Mia Wasikowska, Rebeca Hall, Saoirse Ronan, and Freida Pinto are her sisters in arms.

That leaves these lovely ladies, who could each fit a specific rom-com archetype:

The Hopeless Romantic: Selena Gomez
The former Disney star made her feature film debut with last year's romantic comedy Monte Carlo. She played your basic girl next door type with an innocent and naive quality. Sort of reminded me of Hathaway in Princess Diaries or Moore in A Walk to Remember. She plays sincere and jaded very well. It must be all that Disney training.

The Generic Girl-Next-Door: Ashley Greene
This is the type of leading lady that's nondescript and relatively forgettable if not for the ultra hot guy who's fallen for her. Reese Witherspoon's characters are a perfect example. A majority of them are just average likeable women with maybe one minor flaw, if any. Other good examples have been portrayed by Michelle Monaghan (Made of Honor) and Sarah Jessica Parker (Failure to Launch). This would be a great fit for Greene, because unfortunately for her she's rather forgettable. Granted, everybody loves Reese's Elle Woods, but she lucked out by amping up the ditziness—and the pink. I've yet to even see Greene express any extreme of emotion, and if so, not very believably. Even on ABC's "Pan Am" she couldn't muster up enough sex appeal to make a lesbian encounter steam up the screen. Monaghan has that flaw as well. She's a great peripheral character, a placeholder so the actors aren't talking to themselves.

The Tight-Ass: Leighton Meester and Naya Rivera
As one of the stars of the cult teen series "Gossip Girl," Meester has honed a certain dismissive, obnoxious, judgmental manner of dealing with guys she believes are beneath her station, namely Dan Humphrey. Her behavior is reminiscent of the resistant behavior in The Proposal, 10 Things I Hate About You, and...basically every character Heigl has ever played. Meester already transported this character to the big screen this year in Going the Distance, Country Strong, and Monte Carlo, so it'd be a no-brainer for her. Naya Rivera could also master this role easily. After months of verbally skinning her peers, she's got the comic timing of scathing one-liners down.

The Tomboy: Olivia Wilde and Mila Kunis
This type of female romantic lead has stereotypically male interests and philosophies, often adopting carefree sexual habits, an affinity for beer and sports, and sometimes a diehard work ethic. Olivia Wilde has never actually starred in a rom-com before. Her resume is rather diverse and it will continue to be for the next two years, but considering how easily she melted into the role for The Change-Up convinces me that she could also easily charm an audience. Kunis has already performed this persona in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Friends with Benefits. She's become every guy's dream girl.

The Quirky Indie Chick: Rashida Jones
Since Deschanel is busy with her series, the position of unorthodox comedic indie starlet is wide open. Especially considering that most indie hopefuls go for drama over comedy. You may not know this, but Jones' first major lead role was in the short-lived romantic drama series "NY-LON." It was about these star-crossed lovers that were trying to make a long distance relationship from New York to London work. It only lasted seven episodes and I only know of its existence because I stumbled upon it on Hulu, but I can tell that she could really sell a good love story.

The Badass: Naya Rivera, Nina Dobrev, & Sophia Bush
Rarely are there rom-coms that feature the female as the badass. The best they can do is "adventurous" or "slutty." I guess you could say that Cameron Diaz pulled off both of those in Charlie's Angels and The Sweetest Thing, as well as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Rivera's Santana is quite seductive with her come hither eyelash-batting and straightforward come-ons, Dobrev's rarely seen vicious alter ego Katherine has initiated a few sexy scenes herself, while originally Bush's Brooke was every teenage boy's fantasy. And all three have a little bad girl in them.

Fret not rom-com lovers, until the crown has been officially handed down, we've still got Witherspoon and Barrymore, who continue to deliver new takes on rom-coms even in their late 30s. You can see both this year in This Means War and Big Miracle.

And in case you were wondering why I didn't make this list for leading men (since I did create a poll for it), that's easy: They are interchangeable. As long as they're hot, it doesn't matter what they act like. For heaven's sakes, Ralph Fiennes was in a romantic comedy. Granted, before he was Voldemort, but still.

FILM REVIEW: Channing Tatum & Rachel McAdams' "The Vow"

I went to see this film under the misguided belief that it was written by Nicholas Sparks. You know, the guy who wrote that other sappy love story that Rachel McAdams starred in. It was an honest mistake. First off, it's about a man (Channing Tatum) who has to get his wife to fall in love with him again after a car accident wipes their relationship from her memories. Come on! That's so The Notebook. Plus, I mixed it up with the upcoming Zac Efron romance The Lucky One, which is also kind of about a guy who falls in love with a girl who doesn't know him as well as he knows her.

Regardless, I arrived with the full expectation of balling my eyes out during the classic climactic begging-to-be-loved scene, and nonjudgmentally accepting the unrealistic levels of romance vibrating between two people who allegedly can't breathe without each other. I checked all of my cynical American criticism at the ticket booth and entered the fairyland where this love can only exist. And somehow I ended up not liking it because it wasn't romantic enough. Go figure.

Rest assured there was plenty of kissing, flirting, sweet romantic gestures and moments. The writers—all four of them—really tried to emphasize how effortless their love was, showing you quirky instances of commitment, from Paige choosing to inhale Leo's fart to Leo pretending he understood her sculpture, and having Leo tell us parts of their love story that we didn't get to see. They showed you his fight for a love that seemed genuinely lost. And every time you thought there was no hope, he restored it. But the film didn't just endeavor to tell the story of how two people fell in love twice, but also how a young woman needed to go back—and resolve everything she ran away from before she met her true love—in order to move forward. And in putting as much emphasis on that secondary plot, they sacrificed the impact of the first.

Yes, it's more logical and responsible for her character to resolve her family issues before recommitting to a man again, but I didnt sign up for a family drama or a coming of age story. I signed up for a romance. SPOILER! I'm glad she fell in love with him again and that he got a second chance to be with her—especially since this is a true story—but I think the fact that she never remembers their love or all the memories and inside jokes they had takes the wind out of their love story's sails. He will always love her more than she loves him, because he got a 5-year head start. It just seems unfair to him—and a little to us. The audience hoped for a happy ending and they got one. But it was like someone offered us a billion dollars but in the end only gave us a millon—still a lot, just not as good.

FILM: The 15 Worst Dates from Romantic Movies

Romantic films are more prone to making spectacles out of bad dates than they are at orchestrating good ones, because it makes for a good laugh and a good story. Here are some of the most disappointing, embarrassing, and awkward dates in romantic film history that should make you feel pretty good about the time that guy asked to keep your pantyhose...

#15 // WORST DATE SETTING: He's Just Not That Into You
Mary (Drew Barrymore) recaps her date with a guy she connected with on MySpace and reveals that their coffee date was actually via video chat. Super romantic.

#14 // WORST PREMATURE BLOW-OFF: He's Just Not That Into You
Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) is on a date in a guy's apartment and he gives her some crap about being out of town soon, so he won't be able to call her. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom to call her dating guru slash guy whisperer Alex (Justin Long), and he informs her that unless her date is going off to some satellite-less Third World country, there's no reason the guy shouldn't be able to call her. Blown off before the night was even over.

#13 // WORST REJECTION ON A DATE: Clueless
Cher (Alicia Silverstone) spends a lot of time trying to hook up with the new guy Christian (Justin Walker), sending herself flowers and gifts at school. She finally peaks his interest enough to get him to come over, and once she has him on her bed, he rejects her attempts at playing footsie and her classic hair-flip come-hither move. It is then that the audience realizes that Christian is actually gay.

#12 // GIRLIEST DATE: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Since Andie (Kate Hudson) is trying to get Ben (Matthew McConaughey) to dump her, she tricks him into going to The Garden to see a Celine Dion concert under the guise of taking him to see a Knicks game. And at one point she even makes him eat a disgusting vegetarian meal while she sneaks to the kitchen to eat meat and watch a game with the cooks.

#11 // WORST DATE ACTIVITY: No Strings Attached
Basically, Emma (Natalie Portman) invites Adam (Ashton Kutcher) to a funeral.

#10 // MOST PATHETIC BEHAVIOR ON A DATE: What's Your Number?
Ally (Anna Faris) tries to reconnect with a few old boyfriends to see if any of them were worthy of a second shot. One of them happens to be British (Martin Freeman), and she happen to have pretended to be British when she met him. I'm not quite sure how she managed to keep that charade up for so long, but as they reminisce, she gets so hammered that her light, airy, princess, faux-British accent morphs into My Fair Lady, and then she goes "full Borat."

#9 // WORST YOUNG-LOVE HEARTBREAK: New Years' Eve
Hailey (Abigail Breslin) goes above and beyond to meet Seth (Jake T. Austin) in Times Square for their midnight New Years' Eve kiss. But when she gets there, one of their classmates grabs him and plants one on him, stopping her dead in her tracks.

#8 // MOST AWKWARD SEXUAL ADVANCE ON A DATE: She's the Man & Just One of the Guys
Both female leads in these films dress in drag to gain the same respect that men do, and inadvertently attract women in the process. When they agree to go on double dates with girls for the guys they're interested in, the ladies get a little frisky, which can become a little uncomfortable when what they're reaching for is actually a rolled up sock.

#7 // WORST ACCIDENTAL SEXUAL ADVANCE ON A DATE: The Ugly Truth
Abby (Katherine Heigl) and Colin (Eric Winter) go watch a baseball game as their first date. At some point, she drops a drink on his lap and begins to frantically clean it up. Of course, friction down under is usually a bedroom activity, so not only does she arouse him, but they're caught on the JumboTron and it looks like they're doing something really dirty.

#6 // WORST DISCOVERY ON A DATE: Valentine's Day
Jason (Topher Grace) and Liz (Anne Hathaway) have been dating for a few weeks and he doesn't realize it's V-Day until the day of, so he tries to make last-minute plans to impress her. Nothing really goes right, their table is super close to an arguing couple, and she keeps disappearing during the meal. He discovers when she's gone too long that she's actually been on the phone with clients. Not business associates, but horny men who require her to use a series of accents and role playing characters to arouse them, because—wait for it—she is a freelance phone-sex operator. Surprise! Happy Valentine's Day!

#5 // WORST DATE THAT INVOLVES MEDICATION: Hitch 
During a cooking lesson, Alex (Will Smith) taste tests some of the food and has a severe allergic reaction that makes his face swell up like a puffer fish—and that's after the date where he kicked her in the face while they were jet skiing.

#4 // WORST KISS ON A DATE: I Love You, Man
Peter (Paul Rudd) is desperate to make guy friends before he gets married so he can pick a best man, so he agrees to go on a bro-date with his mom's friend's son Doug (Thomas Lennon). Unfortunately, he learns a little too late that the guy is gay and he was under the impression that it was a date-date, and plants a big wet one on his lips. Awwwwwkward!

#3 // WORST END TO A DATE: Easy A
Olive (Emma Stone) sort of starts a business helping nerds who don't want their classmates to think they're virgins. In exchange for pretending they made it to a few bases with her, they give her discounts and gift cards. Then one day, her ex-bff's crush asks her on a date, and she's all too excited to finally get romanced. Their date has to end early when she realizes her ex-bff is at the restaurant, but instead of trying to continue the date elsewhere or even driving her home, he whips out a gift card and asks for sex. She's utterly crushed, realizing she's become the high school hooker.

#2 // MOST HUMILIATING DATE-THAT-NEVER-WAS: Never Been Kissed 
During a flashback, we get to see what happened when the hottest guy in school asked Josie (Drew Barrymore) to the prom. Instead of driving up in a limo, he drove by, hung out of the sun roof, and egged her.

#1 // WORST DATE THAT GETS EXPONENTIALLY WORSE AS THE NIGHT GOES ON:
Blind Date & Date Night
In one film, Walter (Bruce Willis) goes on a blind date with a woman named Nadia (Daryl Hannah) only to discover a little too late that when she drinks too much she gets so wild she needs to be wrangled like a toddler high on Halloween candy. And in the other, Phil (Steve Carrell) and Claire (Tina Fey) are a married couple who decide to salvage their date night by stealing someone else's reservation, unaware that they're impersonating criminals who are wanted dead. They go from getting held at gunpoint in an alley to having to blend in at a strip club.

FILM: The Top 10 Dates from Romantic Movies

You'd probably be surprised to learn that most romantic films don't actually have dates in them, and most of the ones that do contain your basic dinner-and-a-movie combo followed by a stroll down a boardwalk or a beach. However, some movies have far more memorable outings. Below are the ten best film dates and the recipes to help reenact them, which a certain gender should probably take note of:

#10 // DRUNKEST DATE: 27 Dresses

Ingredients: Alcohol + Karaoke
Kevin (James Marsden) tags along on one of Jane's (Katherine Heigl) wedding-related errands and they end up getting stranded during a storm, so they take shelter in a bar and get drunk enough to lead a spontaneous karaoke night. It's the moment Jane finally lets loose and stops snapping at Kevin long enough to realize how much they have in common.

#9 // BEST BONDING DATE: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Ingredients: Family members + Card game + Competitive nature + Treasonous plot
Ben (Matthew McConaughey) takes Andie (Kate Hudson) to meet his family. During a friendly card game of Bullshit, the family helps Andie cheat so that they can end Ben's winning streak, but he notices their signals to her and playfully flips out. Even though they've both spent a majority of the film trying to con each other, it's the first real moment they have together.

#8 // MOST ROMANTIC DATE: The Wedding Planner

Ingredients: Movie in the park + Spontaneous dancing
After Steve (McConaughey) saves Mary (Jennifer Lopez) from a runaway garbage can hurtling towards her and her stuck Jimmy Choo, he nurses her back to health in his pediatrics ward. When her assistant Penny (Judy Greer) arrives, frantic with worry, she is soon assuaged by Steve's handsome appearance, and ingeniously schemes to make them go on a date. She invites him to the park to watch a black and white romance, then makes an excuse to leave, giving Steve and Mary time to get to know each other. They have a lovely conversation, where Mary reveals a candy-preference quirk and a dorky hobby, and then one of her father's friends basically forces Steve to ask her to dance, as all the other couples in the park have started to mimic the film. They adorably find their rhythm, but before they can kiss, it starts to rain. It's literally like movie magic.

#7 // CHATTIEST DATE: The Truth About Cats and Dogs

Ingredients: Phone + Good phone plan + Conversation topics + Willingness to share
Brian (Ben Chaplin) and Abby (Janeane Garofalo) have a very long phone chat that covers everything from favorite sandwich ingredients to phone sex. Since she is still lying about what she looks like, it's the only way she can really enjoy his company, and the longer they talk the more you're convinced they're meant for each other.

#6 // MOST FUN ON A DATE: 10 Things I Hate About You

Ingredients: Paintball equipment + A sense of humor + willingness to flash (optional)
Kat (Julia Stiles) breaks Patrick (Heath Ledger) out of detention by flashing the detention monitor, who is also her soccer coach, under the guise of explaining a soccer strategy she thought of. Once they're both free and clear, they row a boat to a paintball facility and playfully go to war. For a girl who never has fun, she lets loose like silly string that day.

#5 // BEST PLANNED DATE: Arthur

Ingredients: An extremely impressive location + Private live entertainment
Desperate to impress Naomi (Greta Gerwig), Arthur (Russell Brand) rents out Grand Central Station, halting all foot traffic through the incredibly busy subway station, so that they can have a date in the center of it, complete with an acrobatics show and a lesson in its interesting architecture. It is by far the most expensive and impressive date I've ever seen on film.

#4 // LONGEST DATE: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist & Career Opportunities

Ingredients: A goal (i.e. finding a band or goofing around in a department store after-hours) + Snacks + Immature activities
In both of these films, the romantic leads (Michael Cera & Kat Dennings and Jennifer Connelly & Frank Whales) spend an entire night with each other, experiencing the highs and lows of a relationship, including delving into personal issues and sharing sweet moments, all while having tons of unsupervised fun.

#3 // BEST ONE-NIGHT STAND: Crazy Stupid Love

Ingredients: Dirty Dancing theme song + Ryan Gosling...kidding. Bed + Clothes + A willingness to share
Hannah (Emma Stone) rushes to the bar she met Jacob (Ryan Gosling) at after her boyfriend fails to live up to her expectations, in order to take him up on his one-night stand offer. Once they get back to his place, she demands that he pull out all the stops and use all the tricks he plies his conquests with, including his secret weapon: playing the Dirty Dancing theme song and perfectly executing the iconic "lift." She insists that she wants a one-night stand and to not be treated like a good girl, but she at some point gets distracted and they end up spending the entire night talking about their hobbies, especially his Home Shopping Network obsession, and their family issues. It's the first time he hasn't treated a woman like a sex object, and it's probably the most fun he's ever had with a girl.

#2 // MOST INFORMATIVE DATE: Penelope

Ingredients: Board games + Two-way mirror...or a Blind fold, whichever's easiest
Max (James McAvoy) comes over to play chess with Penelope (Christina Ricci) and in the middle of one of their games, she discovers that he has a secret musical talent, so the next time he comes over, she endeavors to discover what it is, calling in several instruments for him to play. The date technically doesn't end well, but every date they have with a two-way mirror between them brings them closer together than most romantic leads ever get, because they're not worried about the superficial stuff.

#1 // MOST CREATIVE ACTIVITY: Sorcerer's Apprentice

Ingredients: A scientific mind + A laboratory
Becky (Teresa Palmer) is a DJ at her university's radio station, which Dave (Jay Baruchel) listens to. He heard her play the OneRepublic song "Secrets" once, so he rigged a science project he was working on to recreate the music using lightning. It's beauty and uniqueness will blow you away.

What's the best date you've ever seen?

VIDEO: M.I.A.'s "Bad Girls"

SEE! This is what I'm talking about. This is M.I.A. Girl power and utter defiance. Not this.

MUSIC TOPIC: Madonna's "Give Me All Your Luvin'" Video Featuring M.I.A. & Nicki Minaj

Madonna is staging a major comeback. She took a little hiatus after her last album, Hard Candy (2008), to direct a passion project, W.E., and now she's back to reclaim her Pop Queen status. I'm assuming she figured Beyonce and Pink would be busy with their newborns, and Katy Perry with her divorce (cause we all saw that coming), so she'd just swoop right on in and get comfy.

The thing is though that three years in music time is like a decade. Listeners have developed other interests, different standards, and new obsessions. The current multitude is gyrating to Rihanna, copying Beyonce's dance moves from the trillion videos she dropped before popping out a mini-B, karaokeing the hell out of every Adele song they can get their hands on, and recording themselves rapping as fast and dramatically as Nicki Minaj. So it's understandable that Madonna would try to mooch off of one of those artists' current fame and get a subliminal cosign by their mere presence. And it's even more understandable that women like Nicki Minaj and M.I.A., who no doubt grew up watching the greatness that was Madonnna, would be intensely honored to be featured on one of her tracks.

I get it. I have no qualms with living the dream. The problem I have is with 1) the song they chose to sellout on and 2) the simple fact that they did indeed sellout!

Let's pretend for a solid 60 seconds that Nicki Minaj, the self-proclaimed Barbie, who's 80% façade and 20% hood, has integrity. Let's pretend that she hasn't manufactured a personality fit for commerce. And let's pretend that she is the greatest female MC of our generation with lyrical genius that Biggie himself would tip his Yankee cap to. Why in God's name did she override everything she's worked towards as a respected rap artist for 13 seconds on a shit song? I'm surprised she didn't end her rhyme with "Yes massa!"

I won't knock Minaj too much though. At least she didn't compromise on her aesthetic, like Lady Gaga did for Beyonce in '09 for "Video Phone," or like M.I.A. did in this video. I'm sorry. Did pregnancy fry her brain? She's wearing lace and performing sexualized choreography. Not only is that out of character, it's embarrassing. The only thing that could redeem her is if she only did it to meet Minaj, and this summer they plan to release a scathing rap collaboration that'll take over the radio waves. Then and only then could I get her Rihanna-esque dirty wind out of my damn head.

As for Madonna, I'm slightly impressed that she still looks fit at 53. But that's grounds for a workout video not a comeback. She has nothing new to say and no new way to say it. She used to return with a whole new persona, but it seems like the only reinvention she can muster these days is regression, looking and acting like a 20something tart.

In case you couldn't gather by my scathing criticism, this video is horrible. It involves football players and cheerleaders, who obviously have nothing to do with the song, because she's doing the Super Bowl. The rest, the spandex, the lace, the plastic baby(?), are homages to other incarnations of herself throughout her career, as if to remind people who she is. But maybe someone should remind her. At this point, I'd rather watch Lana Del Ray during half-time. At least then, I'll know the spectacle will be intentional.