FILM: New to the Box Office - 6/29/07

Live Free or Die Hard

Yippee kayay motha....It's been 12 years since Bruce Willis tore up a city and chased down a bad guy with no actual concern for his own well being as John McClane. He is the quintessential bad ass. He doesn't need a distant time period to make him seem mysterious, like Brendan Fraser in The Mummy, or a hundred suped-up weapons to rain down on his enemy, like Blade, or special effects that make you drop your jaw, like Neo in The Matrix. No. He's like the MacGuyver of action movies. Pick up a weapon on the way; figure out a plan as your speeding down the road; worry about the hospital bill later. There are, however, a few additions to the fourth installment of this pop culture favorite that'll "attract a younger demographic": Justin Long comes in as his geeky sidekick who is literally just as in awe of McClane as the audience will be. Timothy Olyphant (Catch and Release) plays his tech-savvy enemy, who's actually the first villain that's younger than McClane. Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Final Destination 3) will be his daughter who's being held hostage. The story itself is another Ocean's 13-analog-man-in-a-digital-world type plot. He'll do all the caveman antics and Long will be the brains of the operation. The mags/web are buzzing with hype on the stunts. I'll deliver word next week on whether they were as killer as everyone said they would be.


Ratatouille

A few days ago, I was walking down the street at night towards the train station when a rat scurried past me down the stairs. Not cool. This film, however, will beef up the bad rep of dirty rodents everywhere. Who knew that they can be amazing chefs? What with all their scavanging for scraps in trash cans, it's only natural that after a billion years of existing and outliving other species, they'd gain a sense of expertise in the culinary arts that would impress "Top Chef" or even fair well in "Hell's Kitchen." This underdog flick--a theme animated films do best--will give tots, and let's face it adults as well, a much needed break from those waddling bastards who've lately been donning surf boards. We'll see if they're starving for some vermon loving or if they'd rather stick with creatures that are less likely to give you rabies.


Evening

Ready for a good cry? Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Toni Collette (In her Shoes), Claire Danes, Patrick Wilson (Little Children), Natasha Richardson (The White Countess), Vanessa Redgrave (Venus), and Hugh Dancy (King Arthur) are going to suck your tear ducts dry. In this drama that takes place in the past and the present, a dying woman (Redgrave) remembers a great love (Wilson) she once had, all the while influencing the life and romantic decisions of her daughters (Collette and Richardson) who are sitting by her deathbed. It looks like bonafide Oscar material for every woman in it, especially Danes who plays the young Ann and shines the brightest in the trailer.


Sicko

Michael Moore isn't quite done pushing political buttons just to point out sheer idiocy. But now he has a sincere agenda that addresses the inferiority of America's health-care system. I remember, after Bush was reelected, overhearing a disheartened college student vowing to move to Switzerland or Canada so she can live free without worries and never pay for health care. I, personally, love America and all of its freedoms. And although--knock on wood--I've never actually required any serious health care, I do have to say paying for it, even when I'm not using it, is burrowing a sizeable whole in my just-got-out-of-college wallet. Like Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth, this documentary should shed some light on a very important issue. But will it have the same effect in creating or adding to a nationwide consensus for reform and action? Guess we'll see.

FILM: Hugh Hefner biopic

Many men have dreamed of stepping into Hugh Hefner's slippers, passing the Playboy Mansion's threshold, and having a threesome in the grotto with Ms. November and Ms. December. There are several tests that an actor or singer/musician can use to determine whether or not they've "made it" in Hollywood. The most obvious being whether the paparazzi have stationed tents outside your house, and whether People is willing to pay millions for photos of your baby or spend weeks obsessing over your latest fling. But for guys...for guys, getting an invite to the Playboy mansion is like the official ticket into the in crowd--a ticket that's been given to the seemingly sweet (Nick Lachey) and the sleazy (Jeremy Piven). Heff's empire has been legendary since the Jurassic period. He is the capitalist version of Caligula. And in a couple of months, Brett Ratner is going to immortalize him in a biopic. Question is: Who will play him? Readers of Popwatch suggested these actors to play Heff:

Matt Damon (It kind of looks like him, but who would buy that sweet boy as that dirty hound?)
Edward Norton (Eh. Surprisingly, he's too thin in the face to play the role.)
Clive Owen (*scoffs* I don't care what you say Laura, I hated Children of Men.)
Daniel Craig (Sorry dude, but your face is wayyyy too wrinkled.)
George Clooney (Um, Heff wishes he looked as good as Clooney.)
Rob Lowe (This guy's too clean cut to play what is essentially a pimp.)
Aaron Eckhart (They kind of look similar, but he just doesn't look smooth enough.)
Vince Vaughn (Oh please. Pale, giant, and chubby...*buzzer*)



Maybe getting a newcomer with a commanding presence would be a better idea. Ben Whishaw was in the truly creepy film Perfume, where he played a serial killer who uses the corpses of beautiful girls to create the perfect scent. That aside--he's the exact same age as Heff when he started Playboy (27) and although he's British, he kind of sort of looks like him. Alright, I'm grasping at straws, but just from the trailer you can tell this kid's got something...other than looks ladies.

FILM: Elizabeth: Golden Age Trailer

I have truly never seen a queen be more bad ass than in this trailer for Golden Age, the sequel to Elizabeth, the film that put Cate Blanchett on the map in 1998 with a Golden Globe and Oscar nominations. The story follows Queen Elizabeth I as she challenges assassination attempts, prepares for the Spanish Inquisition and entertains the idea of a relationship with the adventurer Sir Walter Raleigh (Clive Owen). It's slated to be released in October.

I'm sensing a trend with the royalty biopics. After seeing that trailer, I'm positive people will barely remember Kirsten Dunst's juvenile portrayal of a legendary queen in Marie Antoinette.

ALBUM REVIEW: Paramore's "Riot"

If Avril weren't a sell out and she got a divorce, and if Fefe Dobson could get another record deal, this is what they would sound like.

Paramore is a Tennessee-based pop punk band, started by the Farro brothers, Zac (drums) and Josh (lead guitar), who then added Jeremy (bass) and Hayley (lead vocals). Riot! is their second album with record label Fueled by Ramen.

The way I caught wind of them was during my usual 10-minute morning preparation for the day when I put on MTV and ransack my closet. On came a voice I've heard before, probably when I was sampling music randomly. But what grabbed my attention was actually the scenario happening in the video itself.

"Misery Business"

The song itself reminds me of Avril's "Girlfriend" and--ironically--Ashlee Simpson's "Boyfriend," both of which have lyrics that boast stealing someone's boyfriend and/or showing vengeful and mischievous behavior. Yet somehow, Paramore does it better.

As for the rest of the album, I recommend:
"For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic"

The song's about losing trust in someone, and challenging a guy to step up and express his emotions.

"That's what you get"

It's a song about regrets--like when you choose to listen to your heart instead of your brain.

FILM: Box office results -6/25

Evan Almighty may have ruled the box office, but it only took in half of what Bruce Almighty did in its first weekend in 2003. 1408 renewed the public's love for horror flicks, coming in at #2 with $20 mil. While A Mighty Heart, another big contender, broke in at #10 with $4 mil--which is a bummer since the budget was $16 mil. Maybe they would've faired better with a lower profile actress like Thandie Newton. Released in 35 theaters, You Kill Me made $247,000--a noble effort for a funny indie. Meanwhile, Zoe Cassavetes' Broken English made $56,000 in 7 theaters.

In their 2nd week on the box office top 10 list, Fantastic Four must've made a good impression as they stuck around in the #3 spot, having grossed $97 mil so far--more than half of what they grossed in total domestically when they released the first installment. Meanwhile Emma Roberts' film debut isn't fairing so well. It dropped to #9 and has only grossed $16 mil in two weeks. This weekend her film and Surf's Up will compete against Ratatouille, and Fantastic, as well as the rest of the blockbusters, will go up against Live Free or Die Hard. And, in the event, you've officially reached your special effects' limit, you'll have the indie Evening and Michael Moore's documentary Sicko to look forward to.

ALBUM REVIEW: Kelly Clarkson's "My December"

Since Kelly Clarkson's made such a big deal about standing up to her record label and putting content on her latest record, My December, that they rejected...and since she canceled her tour...and since her album is supposedly not selling well, I thought I'd check it out for myself.

After listening to the first few songs, I realized how depressing it is. Even she's admitted to a change in mood during her press tour. But then you'd wonder why she'd choose to release it in the summer, a time when nobody wants to be brooding. However, I think the sad songs would've faired better if she'd released a DVD instead of an album, showing her perform the songs since she's a great performer. For example, "Hole" would surely get her fans moshing.

With influences of country, pop, and rock, she's made quite the mixture of emotions. Three songs that would do fine on their own without visual enticement are:
“Maybe”

This is a sweet song filled with promises of a possible future with a guy.

“How I feel”

This could/should be her next single. It'll get her fans to come back, since it's a perfect mix of her new sound and the old--fueled with doubt, anger, and an extremely earnest take on the insecurities and desperation of women.

“Irvine”

This is just a heartbreaking song that sounds like an ailing person asking someone to stay until she dies. It's truly beautiful in its simplicity.

So maybe the album isn't Grammy worthy. But it's pretty damn good for her first try.

MUSIC: Videos:

Here are a lot of new videos that maybe you haven't seen just yet.

Shakira's video "Las De La Intuicion" is very mod and European. Her world tour obviously inspired her. In the past few weeks, Shakira has been in the tabloids a lot more than usual. There's rumors going around that she wants to take a break from music and explore an acting career. Not to mention, she's been spotted hanging out with Penelope Cruz and even Avril.

Speaking of which, Avril released her 3rd single off her album, The Best Damn Thing, called "When you're gone," coupled with a truly heartbreaking music video.

While we're on the subject of pop stars, sisters Aly & AJ just released "Potential Breakup Song," a definite addition to every teen girls I-hate-his-guts playlist.

And in promotion for the buzzed about musical Hairspray, teen actor Zac Efron released "Ladies' Choice," one of the film's featured songs. In the video, you get to see his chemistry with Tracy (Nikki Blonsky) and his impressive knack for transforming into a 1960s heartthrob.

The two most visually pleasing videos that TRL's presently neglecting:

"Throw it on me" by Timbaland feat. The Hives

I'm sure someone's done the cartoon strip video before, but certainly not with a Sin City-infusion.

"Clothes Off" by Gym Class Heroes

Gym Class Heroes are the baby brothers to the Fall Out Boys, as are Panic at the Disco!, which is probably why both bands have cameos. This band always delivers with hilariously entertaining videos with actual plot. This one is just as jam-packed with visuals.

MUSIC: Rihanna's Racy and Justin's Stoned

"Shut up and Drive"

Rihanna gets frisky with her new single and joins Avril--who recently collaborated with rapper Lil Mama on a remix of her single--in the trend of crossing over into another genre. The question is: Is she successful?


"LoveStoned"

Justin Timberlake cleverly morphs an R&B love song into ballad, visually enticing the viewer with the help of digital graphics that project his image. After he outed himself as a pothead, it's funny that he would choose to compare being in love with a girl to floating on a ganja cloud.

FILM: New to the Box Office - 6/21/07

Evan Almighty

Every time I see a picture of Steve Carrell dressed as Noah doing a Marilyn Monroe-wind-blowing-up-skirt impression on a billboard, I crack up. Carrell plays a Congressman running for president and he's asked God (Morgan Freeman) to help him make a difference. I didn't think Bruce Almighty was THAT funny, even though most critics did. But I am mighty curious as to where the story is going. I'm Catholic. I get the whole flood-that-will-purge-the-Earth scenario, but...are they really going to flood the world? Along with the mysterious ending, Lauren Graham ("Gilmore Girls") and comedian Wanda Sykes pose as great incentives to go see this breezy ball of laughs.


A Mighty Heart

Ever since the controversy surrounding Angelina Jolie's casting to play the multiracial wife of famed journalist Daniel Pearl--and the accusation that she darkened her skin for the role--this movie has been in the press. The story is filmed documentary/guerilla style following Mariane as she searches for her husband and tries to clarify any suspicions that he was a terrorist. Jolie can stand to win critical acclaim if she can convince the critics to look past the glossies and her brood of kids, and buy her accent, her nationality, and her desperation. However, with the help of Jolie's fan base and the controversial and timely issue, this film just might put underrated British filmmaker Michael Winterbottom (Wonderland) on America's mainstream radar.


You Kill Me

I've already promoted this truly funny Tea Leoni, Ben Kingsley, and Luke Wilson comedy about a former hit man who retires to be a mortician and falls for a woman while going to AA. Something tells me Kingsley will be more successful at ditching the bottle than Lindsay Lohan.


1408

John Cusack tries to scare up a few bucks with this horror film about a guy, who--while searching for his daughter's ghost--finds a haunted hotel room that sucks you into what would seem like hell and tortures you until you die. There's something about hotels this year. Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson were in Vacancy and Ashley Judd was just in Bug. Could they be poaching from the success of Hostel? Either way, people are cancelling their vacations as you read this.


Broken English

This indie would be the second film Zoe Cassavetes has directed and the first she's written. With any luck, she'll have as much success has her brother, Nick, had with The Notebook. This romantic comedy follows the unapologetically quirky Parker Posey as she forgoes the daunting dating scene and takes a leap of faith towards Paris to see if a guy (Melvil Poupaud) she spent a few amazing days with is her one and only. Drea DeMateo ("Sopranos") tags along for moral support. Just from watching this trailer and listening to the snippets of dialogue, I can tell this'll be a sleeper hit among the ladies. It's as funny as it's realistic. At one point, a cab driver wishes Parker to find happiness, but in his accent it sounds like "a-penis," which is technically what she's looking for. And in another scene, Parisian guys adorably deny being passionate men with underlying skeletons of mangy dogs. But sometimes the truth is found in the simplest of phrases, like when a French guy asks her why she's in Paris, she simply says "I'm just looking," which in theory is what every woman is doing when their searching for love in the world. A must see for sure.

MUSIC: New Album Releases - 6/19/07

The Polyphonic Spree The Fragile Army
This is the first year I've heard of this band, but after previewing the album, I'd recommend: "Younger Yesterday" and "We Crawl."





White Stripes Icky Thump
You've got to check out: "You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do as You're Told)," "Catch Hell Blues," and the title track. I don't remember this band being so infused with blues guitars. Half of it is like what it would sound like if a rock star went on a sojourn through the old west, while the other half is like death metal that borders on My Chemical Romance and Korn.

Also released this week:
Bon Jovi Lost Highway, which--if you LOVE Bon Jovi--will probably sound great.
Mandy Moore Wild Hope
I tried my very hardest to endure listening to every track, but I've come to terms with the fact that I prefer Mandy the actress over Mandy the "song writer."

FILM: Getting High and "Knocked Up"

So, I finally saw Knocked Up. I was originally under the impression that the film was about this slacker who scored with a beautiful intoxicated girl, and the journey they go on as they prepare for parenthood. It was. But I had no idea that there would be so much pot.

Is it just me or is marijuana becoming much more mainstream like it did when Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) and Dazed and Confused (1993) were released? I mean Snoop Dogg has been openly puffing away since he was a pup. Late night talk show hosts like Conan always make underhanded comments about the smog around Snoop's dressing room. And he himself boasts daily consumption in his songs. Then paparazzi caught Mischa Barton playing with Mary Jane while driving down the road. Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz took in some sun with a side of spliff after their beaus dumped them. Speaking of which, Justin Timberlake added to Vanity Fair's new rep of getting celebrities to admit to drug use when he fessed up to getting messed up on the regular. Nicole Richie is facing charges on a DUI that involves puffing the magic dragon. Hell, even NYU is known for not only having one of the highest population of gay students, but being reefer heaven for hippies, rastafarians, beatniks, and lazy ass students.

With the popularity of Harold and Kumar's adventures--that'll continue in the Mecca, Amsterdam, in 2008--there have been much more mainstream acceptance of the ganja. This year at Sundance, Anna Faris made quite the splash with Smiley Face, about an actress who has the trippiest day after accidentally eating her roommate's pot brownies. And now Judd Apatow, known for glorifying "the geek" in 40 year old Virgin and "Freaks and Geeks," has mixed pot and babies. How...innovative...???

I guess you could say you got a contact high off the hilarity that was Seth Rogen's inepitude and earnest ignorance of how to care for a child, as well as be in a relationship. I must give honorable mentions to:
Jason Segel, who is the sexiest letch of his generation.
Leslie Mann (Big Daddy), who has graduated from the "breasts of the operation" to the pitiful, angry, middle-aged woman that Roseanne Barr wished she looked like.
Iris and Maude Apatow, the adorable daughters of Judd and Leslie, who stole every friggin scene they were in. For example:
Pete (Rudd) to Charlotte: (after Rogen and Heigl do their walk of shame) Don't do what they did.
Charlotte (in the most mischievous voice she could muster): I'm going to do it.
Sadie: Where do babies come from?
Debbie (Mann): Where do you think they come from?
Sadie: Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your button falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.
Debbie: That's exactly right.

Heck if you smoked pot, you'd probably think that's how babies are born too. As for recommending the film, let's just say, you're definitely going to want to see the DVD extras.

MUSIC: Jay-Z in "Rehab"

Jay-Z just can't let the rap game go. Recently, I reviewed Fabolous' album and found him on the track called "Brooklyn," praising his favorite borough. And now, after perusing the AOL Top 100 songs, I find him rapping on Amy Winehouse's "Rehab," addressing his addiction to being a lyricist. Needless to say, he's still got it. Listen for your self.

FILM: Box Office Results - 6/18/07

Fantastic Four: Return of the Silver Surfer made about the same amount at the box office that they did with the first film, $57 mil, making it to #1.

Nancy Drew settled into the #7 spot with a measly $7 mil. Rotten tomatoes noted that only half of the critics were amused and intrigued by Emma Roberts's acting, the plot, and the dialogue. I thought it was trying too hard to mix the style and the morality of the 30s with the formula of this generation's teen comedy. Nancy Drew would never throw a house party, and girls of today would never let two stuck up brats belittle them. Nancy needed an update, a recharge, a reboot if you will. She needed to be "Veronica Mars," but with just a smidge of sass. The problem with the script might have something to do with the fact that Andrew Fleming hasn't written teen content since The Craft (1996)--which was obviously Oscar worthy--and Tiffany Paulsen has never written before. Roberts just needed better material to work with. And her romantic interest, Max Thieriot (The Pacifier), needs to stop settling for crap parts. I get that it's a teen romance, but I've seen more sexual tension between siblings.

DOA, released in over 500 theaters, made a pathetic $232,000, while Eagle vs. Shark, released in only 3 theaters, made $21,000. All the blockbusters are still hanging on in the Top 10--Spider-Man 3 is teetering on the edge.

Next week the competition will be between the Steve Carrell comedy Evan Almighty, the John Cusack horror flick 1408, the Angelina Jolie drama A Mighty Heart, and the Parker Posey romantic comedic indie Broken English.

NEW MOVIES: 6/16/07

Fantastic Four: the Rise of the Silver Surfer


The last Fantastic Four made $330 mil worldwide, provoking a sequel. The allure would have something to do with the beautiful Jessica Alba, the hot Chris Evans, and of course the long awaited arrival of the shiniest comic book character, Silver Surfer. Comic Con fans didn't disapprove when they got their first taste. So even if the dialogue is juvenile and breezy enough for a summer flick, the graphics are sure to be amazing. For those who don't frequent comic book stores or snap at people to clarify the difference between a comic and a graphic novel, the crew ups the ante when two villains threaten their semi-normal existence. The Silver Surfer arrives with the goal of destroying the planet and Doctor Doom, the villain from the first film, returns with his malevolent plans for revenge. The coolest part will surely be when the four switch powers because of the Surfer's effect on them.


Nancy Drew

Alright, so "Veronica Mars" is gone for good. And I'm way too young to pretend I actually enjoy "Law and Order." But, am I too old to sit in a theater with a bunch of preteens to watch Emma Roberts bring Nancy Drew and her mysteries to life? Probably. But I will anyway. The elusive mystery that falls into Nancy's lap this time is a crime caper surrounding a movie star's suspicious death. It reminds me of when Michelle Trachtenberg did Harriet the Spy (and when Rosie O'Donnell did movies, instead of publicity stunts). This is just good old teen fun, complete with a cutie to crush on, 19-yr-old Max Thieriot (The Pacifier), and classic teen shenanigans--you know, impromptu make overs and premature professions of love.


DOA: Dead or Alive

Remember in the mid-90s when Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat came out, after the whole video game craze? Kids were attacking each other like rabid dogs. Anway, DOA, the video game, came out last summer with the same theme: Fight to the death. Jamie Pressly ("My Name is Earl"), Devon Aoki (Sin City), Holly Vance ("Prison Break"), Sarah Carter ("Shark"), and Natassia Malthe (Electra) are the bad ass fighters who are first pitted against each other and then united in a challenge that will endanger their lives. Blah Blah Blah Lots of cleavage. Lots of ass shots. Lots of action--that'll surely be good since it's directed by Corey Yuen (Hero). Sit back, shove some kernels in your mouth, and cheer these one-liner spewing, poor-excuse-for-modern-day-heroines on.


Eagle vs. Shark

Want to watch an indie flick to dilute the onslaught of commercial films this summer? I truly recommend this offbeat romantic comedy about a complete and total moron (Jemain Clement) who falls in love with an equally quirky and intriguing girl (Loren Horsley) while preparing to seek revenge on his childhood bully. And if you find Clement as hilarious as I think you will, then be sure to catch his show, "Flight of the Conchords," on HBO this summer.

ALBUM REVIEW: Enrique Iglesias's "Insomniac" & Fabolous' "From Nothin' to Something'"

Enrique Iglesias hasn't released an album in 4 years. He's supposedly been rolling around on the beach with ex-tennis star Anna Kournikova. Of the 15 songs (3 Spanish translations) on this album, I grew attached to:

"Tired of being sorry"

This track could make a perfect 2nd single. It adds a little rock to Enrique's suave crooning. And even though it's a sad topic, it's fun to dance to.

"I Miss you"

This song is a great mix of a ballad with Latin sabor.

Enrique also experimented a bit, recording "Push" with rapper Lil Wayne. It isn't his first foray into hip hop/r&b collaborations. He's done a song with Whitney Houston ("Could I have this kiss forever"), Lionel Richie ("To Love a Woman"), and Kelis ("Not in Love") in the past. This track is more like classic R&B perversion. lol "Ring My Bells" is another interesting ballad--and in the true Enrique fashion--meant for a romp in the sack.


Fabolous, like Lil Wayne, knows that the only way to sell records and get paid is to collaborate. But I think Fab went a little too far this time, since he's only solo on one song of the album.

Here's the rundown of the collabos and my favorite lyrics on each track:
+ Akon, "Change Up": a track about how money and fame change people. I thought it was funny when he said disappearing is like "trying to pull a [Dave] Chappelle." He will officially go down in history as the black comedian who "disappeared" to Africa.
+ Neyo, "Make me better": This is the single that is out now. It's a nice attempt at trying to say a girl can improve a man, but since he's cocky he first has to say the words, "I'm a movement by myself...mommy, I'm good all by myself." Then. Be. By. Yourself. My favorite line, however, is when Fab says, "I'm a need Lorretta Scott/if I'm gonna be King."
+ T-pain, "Baby Don't Go": He rhymes about infidelity. The line he tries to use as a comeback is: "Stick with your entree and get over the sides." He just compared women to dinner. My favorite, though, was: "Don't try to perm us up, we already straight."
+ Swizz Beatz, "Return to the hustle": This one has a weird Bruce Lee-gong intro that blends into an old school-grand band in the background that seems a waste, until he says his money is stacked "Shaq high, Yao high/that's why/yours is Bow Wow high," and that he could "toss you to the left" just like Beyonce.
+ Junior Reid, Reggae singer, "Gangsta don't play": Beginning with church organs, Fab reaffirms how gangsta he is. I'm annoyed that he says the words "chinky eyed." But I thought it was funny when he said: "Happy to be here/that's why I smile in my mug shots."
+ Lloyd, "Real Playa Like": After listening to this, I feel like Fab has to be in love. It's the second song that says, "You make me better." It's a nice drive-top-down kind of song.
+ Rihanna, "First Time": I've never heard Rihanna sound so generic. Here, Fab talks about his first time with a girl and occasionally mentions how patient he was. Like he wants an award or something.
+ Young Jeezy, "Diamonds": It's about how his chains mesmerize women, with lines like: "they should call me carrot Jeter/or maybe canary Bond," and references to Jacob the jeweler: "he spent more time making the band than Diddy did."
+ Jay-Z and Uncle Murda, "Brooklyn": This is Fab showing his love for his borough. Some how he lured Jay onto the track. My favorite line is actually said by Jay: "Britney pull your panties up."
+ Red Cafe, Brooklyn rapper, "I'm the Man": Fab had the balls to call himself the young Denzel. PAH-lease.
+ Pusha T, "Jokes on You": Here he mocks Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, with the annoying chorus: "You joke, you joke, you kid, you kid," and "I'm like ha ha ha ha ha." People should have their rhyming card revoked after lyrics like this.
+ Lil Mo, "What should I do": In this song, he tries an Eminem-"Stan"-type method, where one of the characters goes to jail for murder instead of committing suicide. Favorite line: "I believe in God/But I don't understand his plan/Why send a Spanish man/way up to Afghanistan?" The rest of the lyrics, however, are a good effort, but not quite Grammy material.

FILM: Apocalyptic trailers

Hollywood is starting to become the crazy guy who stands on the corner of tourist-heavy streets, screaming or holding up a sign that says "The end of the world is near." Seriously, almost every flick has a defeatist attitude about the fate of the world. They must be dying of thirst, seeing that glass half empty.

INVASION

The plot is a cross between The Terminator and Resident Evil--a mother (Nicole Kidman) must do anything and everything to protect her child from, essentially, everyone. Daniel Craig (Casino Royale) seems to be playing her friend/co-worker. Aliens have fallen to Earth and are "body snatching," which can only fully take effect when you fall asleep. So on top of being exhausted, she has to figure out a way to get away from...the world. Good luck with that.


I AM LEGEND

Will Smith plays yet another hero. But this time, he's not met with the task of saving the world. He just has to save himself. Apparently, he's the only human left on Earth and every night he has to make sure he doesn't get eaten by vampires. The trailer isn't that revealing...which I'm assuming is the point. But that also puts a lot of pressure on those vampires looking convincingly terrifying. No, but seriously, if there isn't a pungent smell of child urine in the cinema air when it hits theaters, then this teaser is just plain mean.


AMERICAN GANGSTER

Perhaps dramas about leaders of criminal organizations aren't exactly classified as apocalyptic, but chroncling corrupt city streets and the downfall of humanity is the basis of an apocalypse...and this film. Denzel Washington is clearly going for a 3rd Oscar--to remind Jamie Foxx who's boss--with this crime drama about a drug lord who smuggles heroin into Harlem through the coffins of Vietnam soliders in the 70s. There are so many things wrong with that sentence that it's sure to cause controversy. Once again, Washington glorifies the reputation of a cocky, corrupt criminal, like in Training Day. Russell Crowe hasn't had a hit since A Beautiful Mind. This should surely put him back on the map. He plays a good cop who's trying to bring the drug lord down. Denzel vs. Russell. You kind of get a sense that they'd both go down fighting.

MUSIC: Mayer helps Kanye with "Bittersweet" love

Kanye West's new single "Bittersweet," featuring John Mayer, reflects his signature lyrical rhythm and snarky, as well as genuine, comments about love and relationships. But under-utilizing Mayer and only recording him for the chorus was a major mistake. People truly underestimate his vocal bravado.

FILM: Box Office Results 6/11/07

Ocean's Thirteen swindled their way to a cool $37 mil and the #1 spot, while Surf's Up came in at #4 with $18 mil, proving that--although it's only a third of what Happy Feet tap danced to in the first week--those waddling bastards still have a few flicks left in them. Hostel: Part II came in at #6 with $8.8 mil, half of what they scared out of the moviegoers of the first flick in the first weekend.

Knocked Up was bumped down just one slot into the #3 spot, while Mr. Brooks dropped three spots to #7 and Gracie dropped four to #11. As for the blockbusters, Ocean's bumped Pirates out of the top spot to #2, and Shrek the Third got shoved to #5. But both have already cleared, in just three-four weeks, what half of their second films grossed. Meanwhile, Spider-Man 3, at #8, is just $50 mil short of beating Spider-Man 2's proceeds.

This weekend we'll see if Nancy Drew and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer are a match for a couple of thieves, a pregnant chick, surfing penguins, and an ogre.

ALBUM REVIEW: Rihanna's "Good Girl Gone Bad"

Last Tuesday, Rihanna released her 3rd album "Good Girl Gone Bad." Although I have indulged in many of her singles, like "Pon de replay," "SOS," "Break it off," and even "Umbrella," I've never actually purchased any of her albums. So I youtubed every track on this new album to see if it was worth fasting for a whole day to pony up the double digit price tag.

What may not be known to the multitude is how many collaborations she has on the album.
Timbaland: the soon to be legendary producer, helped Rihanna on "Sell Me Candy" and "Lemme Get That." The melody on "Sell Me Candy" has a beat-boxing base that's perfect for swaying in the Barbados sun.

"Lemme Get That" is Barbados flavor meets ghetto N.Y.C. It's unlike Rihanna to gloat, but if you heard this on the radio, you'd think she was just a regular r&b artist, which is definitely what she's going for.


Justin Timberlake: Getting the hang of helping out other artists, like his buddy Timbaland, he worked on "Rehab." The production, which kind of reminds me of "What goes around comes around," is great. But the lyrics are something that should be on a first album, not a third. "It's like I checked into Rehab/and baby you're my disease." There are countless drug cliches and a constant mention of cigarettes, which makes me wonder if she even smokes. Here's hoping he doesn't make the same mistake with his new Dutch find Esmee Denters.

Ne-yo: Besides the "Hate that I love you" single they released, which barely got noticed, he wrote the lyrics for "Question Existing." The song is about her struggle with the spotlight and how she doesn't know who her real friends are. It's actually kind of boring.

My other two favorites are:
"Push up on me" is this very Vanity 6-"Nasty Girl" old school R&B track, where she tries to seduce cocky guys like Nelly and T.I. who think girls should chase them, saying lyrics like "I could be the girl that break you down." It's very catchy.

"Breaking Dishes" is a track that sounds like it fell off of pre-Nas Kelis's tour bus—angry and volatile—and got brushed off by Fergie—adding her confident sass. It was actually produced by the guy who did Britney's "Me against the music," Christopher "Tricky" Stewart. With lyrics like: "I'm breaking dishes up in here all night/I aint going stop until i see police and lights," she definitely has the laid back-I'm going to cut you vibe. In order to sell this one, she'll have to get into an angry state that's between "Ring the Alarm" and "Irreplaceable." It's definitely a different sound for her. Even though it starts off sounding like Nelly Furtado's "Maneater," of all the tracks, I'd choose this one for her to release next.


Unfortunately, she chose "Shut up and Drive" to be her next single, which starts off sounding very punk...and not in a good way. It's like a Pink reject, with worse car metaphor's than her "Rehab." It's her sad attempt to appeal to the TRL crowd and frankly it's way too juvenile even for them...I hope. Thankfully, it's better than "Don't Stop the Music," a Z100-type techno vomit, and "Say It," a boring ballad.

All in all, I think I'll be keeping my double digits, and just forking over 4 bucks on iTunes for my favorite tracks.

FILM: Ocean's Thirteen review (spoilers)

***
As Don Cheadle's character, Basher, says in the film, "You don't run the same gag twice. You run the next one." They certainly did...but not as spectacularly as they did in Ocean's Eleven. Expected to be a throwback to said film, it was indeed a walk down memory lane--one that treaded the path of old school Vegas and its traditions. The plot was in fact about Rueben (Elliot Gould) and how Bank (Al Pacino) double crossed him in a deal--destroying his plan to be big in Vegas again and not just some washed up old fogy with "analog tricks in a digital world." As per the code of thieves, the Ocean's crew felt compelled to seek revenge for him, kind of like how Michael had to do for his father in The Godfather: Part II.

As usual the con they must pull off was intricate and segmented enough so each person in the team had their part. But they faltered when they kept adding outsiders/nobodies to help out. You could say it's thief comradery, but it seemed more like they couldn't find actors who would be well-known enough, without stealing the spotlight, to do the job. This job, however, was a whole lot less subtle then their other jobs. Essentially, they destroyed any chance of Bank's casino succeeding by making everyone in it win. And when they needed capital from Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) and were told to steal diamonds from Bank in return, they ripped the case out of the roof and flew away with it. They not only wanted to humiliate him, they wanted to be really obvious about it. The constant focus of the code of honor among men who shook Sinatra's hand was the main theme of the film--one that may be lost on those who did not revel in the greatness that was Franky boy.

What each character brought individually to the screen:
Danny (George Clooney) is still the reserved, honor-driven Amos to Rusty's (Brad Pitt) gluttonous, self-assured Andy.
Meanwhile, Linus (Matt Damon), their proverbial baby bro, went through "puberty"-- discovering the touch of a woman (Ellen Barkin) and seeking approval from not only his big brothers, but from his father. One scene of the film echoes Twelve in that Linus' father arrives to "bail" him out of a jam--simultaneously perpetuating the teenage references as he interrupts him and his horny girlfriend pre-coitus. Only in this one, his father figuratively castrates him when he rips off his fake nose, trying to prove once and for all that the gag he chose was a dud.
Livingston (Eddie Jemison) was his usual glandular-challenged, bumbling self.
Frank (Bernie Mac) had more screen action this time around, playing his signature suave and debonair, sweet talker self.
Saul (Carl Reiner) projects yet another accent he can fake. The fact that he is much older than Reuben and should've had maybe one or two scenes commiserating with him, is overridden by the fact that no matter how
wrinkled his face gets, he's still childish at heart--seen gloating playfully at Bank's expense in the end.
Basher (Don Cheadle) voiced his usual slang-filled poetry that ultimately inspires one of the crew to get back into the game full swing.
Yen (Shaobo Qin) was obviously affected by the millions of dollars that have rained down on him from the previous films, since he's shown tanned to perfection and rocking a choppy skater haircut. He gets more lines in this installment, but as usual only the boys can understand him.
Speaking of a language barrier, Virgil (Casey Affleck) and Turk (Scott Caan) surpass their usual sibling-rivalry-fueled shenanigans with a trip to Mexico where they literally spend half their lines speaking in Spanish about a revolution for higher wages they--however nobly--look ridiculously funny fighting. Even though Linus is the "baby" of the crew, they are most certainly the mischievous teenagers--A.D.D.-challenged and all.

If you look at the poster above, you'll notice that there are twelve people in the image, which would suggest not only that Terry is the 12th Ocean crew member, but leaves to question who the 13th is. My assumption is that it's Roman (Eddie Izzard), who is usually the computer counterpart to Livingston. He's been in all three films. He's always helped. Yet, he never gets credit as being apart of the crew.

As for the additional cast, they were just a tad disappointing. Pacino's character would've been more effective if he were some young hot shot trying to take over Reuben's city. That way Danny and the boys could teach him something about respecting men from Sinatra's time. Otherwise, it just seems like Pacino really needs to stop letting people make him play caricatures of Don Michael Corlione, with his threatening declarations and rigid speech rhythm. Barkin was oddly wrinkle free from neck to nipple, which distracted me because all I could think of as she writhed in ecstasy because of Linus's advances is whether or not her breasts were real. Other than advising that there be less closeups with her character, she did pretty well for a cougar. Garcia's character was whittled down to someone who was starting to enjoy Danny's cons, which took him out of his original infuriated demeanor--unless you take into account that all he wants is money and he'll do anything, even team up with his enemy, to get it. Francios (Vincent Cassel), the bad guy from the 2nd film, sort of functioned in the way the squirrel does in Ice Age. Every now and then the plot is interrupted by this squirrel who just can't get a hold of a coveted acorn. No matter how hard Francios tries, he just can't beat Ocean's crew. And if this were a series, I can assure you he'd show up in every episode completely flustered by his constant failures.

Overall, with the performance of the characters and the basic con, I preferred the boys when they were driven by sheer greed and challenge, rather than this--while understandable--unnecessary need to get revenge. Although you could say that the con in Ocean's Eleven was simply done to get Tess (Julia Roberts), love is a way more enticing plot driver than revenge.

NEW MOVIES: 6/8

OCEAN'S THIRTEEN


Ah, the boys are back. There are many tidbits about the production of the Ocean's films that are well-known, from the on set comradery to the catty leading ladies. But the one story that's making the media-rounds is how much the second one sucked (ass). From the first's 2001 $183.4 mil take, it took a considerable blow with the sequel in 2004, only swiping $125.5 mil. Most complaints were of how pointless the plot seemed and how they were just trying to make a buck. However, I did enjoy the clever sleuth gymnastics of their European enemy and the baseball cap double cross revealed in the end. (The Red Sox suck Damon. Get over it.) Whereas Spiderman 2 is being hailed as better than the 3rd, like Pirates, Ocean's Thirteen doesn't have much to live up to. One could say, if they were smart, they'd reinvent the whole idea instead of revisiting the original's dynamic. But since we bitched and moaned about how much better the first was, they've rehashed it. Location: Las Vegas. Enemy: Willie Bank, cocky casino owner (Al Pacino). Easy target: Bank's hot assisstant (Ellen Barkin). Plot: Bank tries to snuff out Reuben (Elliot Gould) and the boys must retaliate. Their plan is to make his casino lose BIG, hitting him from all sides. So, expect a lot of caricatures. But, unless they pull out all the stops--and I don't mean making Damon into a bumbling half-assed seducer with a Pinocchio schnoz--then this'll fall flatter than the second, barely grazing the $100 million dollar mark.


SURF'S UP

Generations before us have never seen so many penguins in their life. This animated flick takes a break from all that ice and winter bluster, and brings us to tropical sandy beaches where a teenage penguin is followed by a reality TV show as he competes in a surfing competition. Not that it's necessary, but there are some pretty funny people behind these voices: John Heder, Mario Cantone, Shia Labeouf, and Zooey Deschanel. This'll be Labeouf's 2nd Hollywood-type debut and if he sails through this without a blemish--since the penguin schtick is officially boring children so much they're interested in how penguin meat tastes--he just might not get bashed when Transformers and Indiana Jones 4 come out.


HOSTEL: PART II

Enough with the cutesy shit right? Let's get to the gore. I'm on board with Mr. Moviefone--who voiced his concerns on Z100 this morning--anyone who watches this film is deeply disturbed. Then again, identifying with talking penguins isn't exactly normal either. So, since I'm not a huge fan of horror:
Here's the plot: "While studying art in Rome for the summer, three young American women are lured away to a Slovakian hostel by a model from their class. Soon they will experience the grim reality their weekend getaway has in store."
Here's the cast: Jay Hernandez ("Six Degrees"), Bijou Phillips (celebutard), Stanislav Ianevski (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire), Roger Bart ("Desperate Housewives"), and Heather Matarazzo (Princess Diaries).
Here are critiques: Rottentomatoes, NYT, and EW.

FILM: The Rock going the Vin Diesel route

GAME PLAN

In The Rock's latest comedy, he plays a character similar to Vin Deisel's in The Pacifier: an enormous jock with very little kid-friendly personality traits. I've laughed at The Rock before, while watching Be Cool—when he was actually trying to be funny—and The Rundown—when he wasn't. And I'm telling you, if you watch the last 30 seconds of this trailer, you will most certainly crack a smile. Starring along side him to help him with the punch lines are Keira Sedgwick ("The Closer") and Roselyn Sanchez (Underclassman).

FILM: Luke Wilson is so supportive

YOU KILL ME

In this dramedy, Ben Kingsley (Lucky Number Slevin) plays a normal guy who lets alcohol interfere with his hard work...as a hitman. Most people wouldn't even bother trying to rehabilitate him, but Luke Wilson just can't resist. As his gay sponsor, Wilson coaches Kingsley through the first few months of sobriety and even through courting an equally (okay, not equally) troubled woman played by Tea Leoni (Spanglish). Unfortunately, the one habit Kingsley just can't kick is being a gunslinging slave for the Polish mob--yes, I've never heard of them either. In spite of that, it's not everyday that Kingsley delivers as a funny leading man.

I think despite all of Wilson's efforts to be a bankable lead—My Super Ex Girlfriend, Idiocracy, The Wendell Baker Story, Alex & Emma—he's better suited as a supporting actor. He shines brighter when he doesn't have so much screen time. He may learn that once and for all when he costars with Jessica Simpson in Blonde Ambition.

FILM: Box Office Results - 6/4/07

As predicted by the media, Knocked Up amused its way into the #2 spot with $29.3 mil, while mystery thriller Mr. Brooks snuck into the #4 spot with $10 mil. Of the three least hyped films, Gracie was the one to debut in the top 10 at #7 with $1.4 mil. Pretty good for an indie. The very much underappreciated Day Watch only scraped together $46,300. And, um, I'm assuming only God knows why Lucy Lui's film, Rise: Blood Hunter, hasn't been recorded as making any cash at the box office...at all. The other three films in the top 5 were predictably Pirates of the Caribbean, which hauled in $43 mil this week at the #1 spot, Shrek the Third, which swindled kids out of $26.7 mil into the 3rd spot, and Spiderman 3, which crawled into the 5th spot with $7.5 mil.

Ocean's 13 should shake things up next week. One thing the top 5 is missing is a little clever thievery. And we'll find out once and for all if the little tykes have had their fill of the penguin attack that's ravaged the animated film scene, when Surf's Up hits theaters.