FILM: The Actors with a Bad-Year Report Card for 2011

Every year, there are a few actors who taint their reputation with crappy movies, crappy roles, and even crappier acting. It's painful to witness and terribly disappointing when you're confident that they can do better. Here are the worst offenders of the year and my pleas for them to stop:

Crimes Against Humanity: Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief and Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son

Dear Brandon T. Jackson,
Do you know how hard it is to shine in a movie starring such comedic heavyweights as Robert Downey, Jr., Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Danny McBride? You do, right? Because you did. In Tropic Thunder. Three years ago. That was impressive. You had everyone laughing and wondering who's that kid, how did he get in this movie, and why haven't we seen him before? Now granted, there aren't that many funny young black man roles out there. And scoring in one movie isn't going to give you creative leeway to create your own. But at what point exactly did playing half-man half-goat seem like the logical next step? I will not blame the craptastic efforts of Percy Jackson on you completely. Even the hilarious Steve Coogan and the shamelessly funny Rosario Dawson were horrible in that movie. But I can blame you for agreeing to portray such a goofy and overacted character, AND for also agreeing to strap on a fat suit and play Martin Lawrence's son. I know what you were thinking when you got the call. It's Martin! MARTIIIIIN! I loved that show too. In the 90s. That Martin Lawrence is dead. And he died somewhere between Big Momma's House and Wild Hogs. It was a suicide. I suggest you stop being equally self-destructive before you end up being referred to as "that black guy from that ghetto movie."

Sincerely,
Someone who is not looking forward to hearing you bleat in Percy Jackson 2

Redemption: If you found some way to get in on Bad Boys 3, set for 2015, or got a recurring role on a series.
 

Crimes Against Humanity: Something Borrowed

Dear Kate Hudson,
I have been a loyal viewer of your romantic comedies since 2003's How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I thought you were funny and spunky and not as derivative as all those other fragile damsels of yesteryear. So I stuck with you through Alex & Emma, Raising Helen, You, Me, and Dupree, Fool's Gold, My Best Friend's Girl, and Bride Wars. But the nail in the coffin of your rom-com career has to be Something Borrowed. Sure, playing a woman who has the gall to turn on her bff for "stealing" her fiancee after she gets knocked up with his best friend's baby would be considered branching out, but it would also be considered ridiculous. That woman was irredeemable, delusional, and impossible to love. I realize you didn't create her, but you made me watch her and that in and of itself is unforgivable. I get it. It's hard for you to get other roles because you're Goldie Hawn's bubbly blonde mini-me. You've tried to make critics and producers see you in another light with war dramas (The Four Feathers), horror movies (The Skeleton Key), thrillers (The Killer Inside Me), and musicals (Nine), but I feel like you're not trying hard enough. Katherine Heigl is kicking your ass. Meanwhile, you should be showing Jennifer Aniston, who wowed audiences this year in Just Go With It and Horrible Bosses, how it's done. You're Hollywood comedy royalty. Those bitches should be bowing to you. Take note from McConaughey and get out while you still can.

Sincerely,
Someone who is going to force herself to watch the sequel because it stars John Krasinski as the romantic lead.

Redemption: The thriller The Reluctant Fundamentalist with Kiefer Sutherland and Liev Schreiber.

Crimes Against Humanity: Letting Blake Lively outshine you

Dear Leighton Meester,
I did not watch The Roommate remake. I'm sure you were sufficiently insane. I did not mind your uptight big sister act in Monte Carlo. Wasn't that much of a stretch for you though, so I wasn't that impressed. I didn't even remember you did The Oranges. Thank God! Since apparently you seduce an old man in that movie. I finally got around to seeing 2010's Country Strong, yet another variation of your spoiled bitch routine, which you also did briefly in Going the Distance. I don't know if you can tell by how depressing your resume looks, but you're not doing too well. The end of "Gossip Girl" is nigh. It's time you start padding your resume with some impressive screen gems before you turn into Rachel Bilson, forced to pretend you enjoy starring in a series about Southern living, or even worse Mischa Barton, who's been relegated to C-list horror movies. Meanwhile, your costar Blake Lively is out there getting "chummy" with Leonard DiCaprio and Ryan Reynolds, casted by Ben Affleck in his film The Town, costarring in the comic book flick Green Lantern, and chosen to be in the highly anticipated Oliver Stone indie Savages. Leighton, listen to me, you're hilarious. You are the best part of "Gossip Girl," hands down. Without you, it would just be a depressing whinefest starring Ed Westwick and Penn Badgley. Play to your strengths. You're funny, sexy, smart, and you can sing. Do something with all of that.

Sincerely,
A Dair Fan

Redemption: Costarring in Adam Sandler's father-son comedy Donny's Boy with Andy Samberg.

Crimes Against Humanity: No Strings Attached and Your Highness

Dear Natalie Portman,
Hey girl! Remember that time you were in every fanboy's wetdream, being so badass in The Professional, Star Wars, and V for Vendetta? You were so hot even a buzzcut couldn't fan your flames. You could do no wrong. Not when you were pretending to be a profane gangster rapper on "SNL," not when you were a skanky stripper in Closer, and not even when you went psycho in Black Swan. However, having a baby and winning an Oscar has now deleted you from the Hot Girl list in their masturbation diary. You were actually supposed to graduate to MILF, and by your scantily clad costume in Your Highness, that was practically a guarantee. Unfortunately, the real reason you were awesome was because you chose awesome movies. You never coasted on your looks—almost as if you didn't realize you had them. You didn't do things for the money, but the intrigue and the content. So tell me, what part of No Strings Attached or Your Highness or Thor made you think "Winner"? I realize you have responsibilities now. Your baby daddy is a ballerina so...you're basically responsible for all the bills. I respect your determination to do whatever it takes to make a buck. But I would rather you resort to actually stripping than ever have to endure another movie about dicks and pot, or your half-assed attempt at playing a romantic lead in a rom-com. You weren't phoning it in, you were practically texting it. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a carrier pigeon involved. Thirteen-year-old you would look at you now and say, "Seriously? Metal thong?"

Sincerely,
Someone with self-respect

Redemption: Raising your son Aleph to be normal.

Crimes Against Humanity: Hop & Arthur

Dear Russell Brand,
Only two short years ago you were a rebel comedian who looked like a rockstar. Americans were a little slow on the uptake when it came to your clever jokes, and they didn't fully embrace you and your British snark until they saw how effortlessly cool and funny you were in Jason Segel's Forgetting Sarah Marshall. After that, America embraced your open-condescension and overlooked your druggy, sex-crazed past in favor of watching you play a variation of overgrown manchildren in films, like Get Him to the Greek and Arthur. But that's not where I thought you were going with your whole funny grunge schtick. Your comedy special Russell Brand in New York starred a very self-aware, culturally informed, intelligent critic of society. You raised the bar on humor to include more than just dick jokes and sight gags. You were like Ricky Gervais's younger, slimmer, criminal brother—like Sacha Baron Cohen's non-theatrical twin. By all accounts you should've made a huge splash in the American world of comedy, changing the face of it forever. Instead, you combed your hair, did a romantic comedy and married a popstar. I'd call you a sellout, but I think it was hardly worth it. We want you to make us laugh again. Stop preaching about sobriety and true love. Keep writing thought-provoking articles about pop culture for The Guardian. Keep doing comedy specials for HBO or Comedy Central. And, most of all, keep being British. Americans are boring, remember?

Sincerely,
Someone who doesn't need a translator when listening to your jokes

Redemption: The adaptation Rock of Ages with Tom Cruise and the untitled Diablo Cody religion comedy, based on Steven Spielberg's idea.

Crimes Against Humanity: Green Lantern

Dear Ryan Reynolds,
You are an extremely funny dude. I knew you'd be hot shit some day back in '98 when you stole every scene of "Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place." I knew it when you managed to revive the awesomeness that once were National Lampoon films with 2002's Van Wilder. And I knew when you started getting tapped for every handsome-yet-goofy role under the sun, from Just Friends to The Proposal. You were like Jim Carrey toned down on the crazy meter, from a 10 to a 6. Comic relief was your thing, so much so that they asked you to add a little humor to both Blade: Trinity and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It made perfect sense that someone as charismatic and charming as you should be a superhero one day. Playing Hal Jordan, aka the Green Lantern, was practically your destiny. One thing though, you probably should've read the script first. It made The Green Hornet look good. It made that other green guy, The Hulk, in both incarnations, look good. A punch? Really? The world is about to come to an end. You can manifest anything out of thin air or morph into anything and you choose a giant fist? Seriously? How incredibly unimaginative! A 5 year old with ADHD probably would've come up with something better. I honestly think you were just being greedy. You were already in a comic book film and getting your own spinoff. Did you really have to play yet another character? And don't even get me started on your love life. You went from Scarlett Johansson, a girl who is 8 years younger than you, to Blake Lively, a girl who is 11 years younger than you. You keep it up and you'll be branded a pedophile, all the while missing out on the incredible and age-appropriate laugh factory that is your former costar Sandra Bullock. Sure, she's 13 years older than you and still healing after her divorce from that no-good, cheating, white supremacist dipshit, but I think it's time you grow up in all aspects of your life.

Sincerely,
Someone who laughs at your jokes while staring at your abs—double-dipping

Redemption: The thriller Safe House with Denzel Washington, the graphic novel adaptation R.I.P.D. with Jeff Bridges and Kevin Bacon, and the spinoff comic adaptation Deadpool.

Crimes Against Humanity: Dating Justin Bieber

Dear Selena Gomez,
There aren't that many young actresses who play interesting characters. They're usually boy crazy, overly-bubbly, and boring. Your character on "Wizards of Waverly Place," Alex, however, may have been a law-breaking, magic-stealing, juvy-bound delinquent, but she was funny and memorable, which is more than I can say about 90% of the characters on the Disney channel. As far as I'm concerned, you and iCarly's Miranda Cosgrove and Jennette McCurdy are the coolest teenagers on Disney and NICK. I was certain when you first made me laugh a few years ago that you would one day outshine your Disney predecessors Hilary Duff and Miley Cyrus. But once you started to venture out on your own with albums and non-Waverly-related films, it became apparent that the public was taking a little longer to acknowledge your talent. So it's my theory that the only reason you gave Justin Bieber the time of day is because he raises your profile. You are now one of the most talked about young starlets and singers in the business. Except now there's no real reason for all the chatter. Your music isn't that great, although your singing has gotten better—Cyrus better, not Adele better. And your choice in movies, Monte Carlo, are the same as before. The only change in your life really is who you're currently banging—and yeah, we all know you're banging. I thought you were better than that. Sure, you're not airing out your dirty laundry like your BFF Taylor Swift, or selling your harrowing self-mutilation stories like your ex-BFF Demi Lovato, or dancing on a pole like Cyrus, but pimping yourself out so that you can remain famous is called fame-whoring. If you're using the same methods as a Kardashian to stay in the spotlight, you know you've made a wrong turn.

Sincerely,
Someone immune to Bieber Fever

Redemption: The Brokedown Palace-like crime drama Spring Breakers with James Franco and Vanessa Hudgens.

Crimes Against Humanity: The Hangover Part 2

Dear Zach Galifianakis,
What the fuck man? You were good! You were riding high off that Hangover buzz. You could've had anything you asked for. Look at Bradley Cooper. Sexiest Man Alive?! Pfft!!! Bought and paid for with his popularity. Everybody knows that The Gos was robbed. The only reason Cooper slid right on in there is because he wooed the gays (Valentine's Day), acted like a badass for the guys (The A-Team), and rubbed elbows with De Niro for the critics (Limitless). What the fuck have you been doing? Other than regurgitating the same personality for every single fucking moving AND TV show you do. I let 2010's Dinner for Schmucks and Due Date slide because you tried to "get real" with the indie adaptation It's Kind of a Funny Story and cracked me up on HBO's "Bored to Death." But that abomination you call a sequel, The Hangover Part II, was an insult to my intelligence. Repackaging the same bullshit in a different country for an even lamer missing person, and slapping a damn monkey on it? Are you fucking joking? And then you went kiddie on me with Puss in Boots and The Muppets? No wonder your series was cancelled. HBO is as over you as the rest of us.

Sincerely,
Someone with a Sense of Humor

Redemption: He'll costar in the political comedy Dog Fight with Will Ferrell and Jason Sudeikis...but don't hold your breath because it's co-written by the writer of Land of the Lost and The Other Guys.

Crimes Against Humanity: The film New Year's Eve

Dear 90% of The cast of New Year's Eve,
I shall address you all individually for each of your crimes within this film:
Robert De Niro: Are you lost?
Halle Berry: Just because no one wants to see you be serious (Things We Lost in the Fire and Frankie & Alice) doesn't mean you get to trick us into it with your incredibly depressing long distance relationship.
Hilary Swank: The next time I see you spouting some romanticized bullshit on screen, I will petition the academy to revoke BOTH your Oscars. I would rather see you in the sequel to the Karate Kid remake than watch you get giggly over a guy again. Character-acting is what you do. Do you see Daniel Day-Lewis? Have you seen him in a romantic comedy? No? That's because he's fucking Daniel Day-Lewis. Even Meryl Streep can't pull off romantic comedies (It's Complicated and Mamma Mia!). It's not your thing. Stop doing it.
Josh Duhamel: I like it when you're taking charge and blowing shit up (Transformers). Please God, go do more of that.
Ludacris: I don't even understand what you were doing in this movie. You were like an overdressed personal assistant to a neurotic overachiever. A 20-year-old no-name could've done your role. And no one should've done your role in No Strings Attached. You were useless and easily forgettable. You've proven you can handle dramas (Crash) and comedy (Fast and Furious). Don't sell yourself short.
Katherine Heigl: *sigh* Girl don't you already have like 8 billion rom-coms under your belt? Was this one even remotely necessary? Also, your character was nonsensical. Who accepts a rockstar's proposal and then expects them to quit being a rockstar? And who slaps someone twice in one day and then forgives them at the end of it? Did she forget her medication somewhere?
Jon Bon Jovi: You were 16 years older than your costar. No matter how attractive you might still be at 49, that's still gross.
Sarah Jessica Parker: Honestly, I don't know how you'll ever top "Sex and the City," but I can assure you playing second fiddle to a teenager aint it.
Abigail Breslin: I think you're old enough to accept constructive criticism without crying: You sound like a boy-crazed ditz. Please don't resort to fame-whoring. The slow-and-steady win the race. And the cheaters get chlamydia.
Seth Meyers: I basically tune into "SNL" every Saturday night/Sunday morning to watch your "Weekend Update" at midnight. You were one of the most consistently funny components of that variety show. You wanna know why you're consistently funny? Because you help write your own jokes. That's what makes all comedians funny. Reading someone else's jokes rarely if ever works. Ask Ricky Gervais, Russell Brand, and Dane Cook.
Jessica Biel: Congratulations on your engagement! Not many people know how hilarious you are. And no one will learn that after seeing this movie. You were much better in Valentine's Day, and that bar was pretty low.
Ashton Kutcher: Some would say capitalizing off of Charlie Sheen's misfortune and stealing his series has bestowed bad luck upon you, what with your divorce and the slew of craptacular films you've been shelling out, but I don't think all is lost. You were surprisingly convincing for the serious spy segments of Killers. You should look into that. Just because you're tall and lanky doesn't mean you have to be the class clown in everything you do.
Lea Michele: Did you know that you sing every word you say? You can't be an actress if you can't speak normally. Work on that. Or don't. I have no problem just listening to you sing. Pick one though, for my ears' sake.
Til Schweiger: Are you lost?

Sincerely,
Someone who enjoyed about 5% of Valentine's Day

Redemption: Not appearing in the next holiday-related romance anthology.

FILM: The Best Films of 2011

Here are my favorite movies of the year and why you should add them to your queue:

Best Action Film: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

When Michael Bay isn't being a douchebag, he's filming awesome action scenes that'll make your jaw drop, from a blender-like Decepticon devouring an entire building to a special forces team gliding through the sky to a rendezvous point. The world nearly ending has never looked so cool.

Best Action Film on a Small Budget: Attack the Block

You know how aliens tend to be green, slimy, reptilian and/or bug-like? You know how they have all this technology and they want to take over the world? You know how the world has to unite its armed forces in order to protect this planet from extinction? Ok, none of that happens in this movie—but NOT because they couldn't afford to add it in. This alien flick isn't about an alien invasion. It's about survival. There are these kids in these ghetto projects who basically raise themselves, and while they may have fun running amok and breaking the law, they're not exactly overjoyed to be subjected to this lifestyle. They've learned the lesson of "survival of the fittest" before most adults had to. And for one character, the gang leader, this invasion is more about proving to himself that he can survive the humans too. He fights for his life every day. The only difference is that that night he didn't just have to fend off a gun-happy pot dealer, but a blind gorilla-bear hybrid with glow-in-the-dark fangs. Yeah, you just read that right.

The Best Animated Film: The Adventures of Tintin

You know what makes an awesome animated film? It's ability to make you feel like you're not watching a cartoon. That's what made films like Toy Story, The Incredibles, and Up so impressive. A combination of their stellar graphics and heartwarming tales helped them tell real stories in surreal settings. Steven Spielberg brought that same endeavor to a beloved European animated character named Tintin. Sure, Tintin has a rather unrealistic pirate ship battle, crane fight, and a fearless and resourceful dog, but it all looks real—from the hair flipped on his noggin to the dust that floats through the air.

Best Biography: The Iron Lady

It was sort of a monologue where Margaret Thatcher took inventory of her life, weighing what was to be regretted and what was to be cherished as she said goodbye to her husband, who stood by her side loyally throughout the years despite her crippling neglect. Meryl Streep did an amazing job, disappearing into the iconic politician, not just in makeup but mannerism, posture, and emotion. It's an important film for both women and politicians to see, because of how it mirrors our current spiraling economy and the rebellions that have erupted because of it, and because they should witness bravery in the face of doubt. When the world draws the line at what it believes you are capable of, it is up to you to redraw it.

Best Chick Flick: Hanna

I've decided to redefine the term Chick Flick. It's no longer a derogatory slur towards "mind-numbing rom-coms that only women can endure." Now it means "movie that stars an empowered female." And by that definition, this movie qualifies. Saoirse Ronan plays a lethal teenager who trained her whole life to hunt down the woman who murdered her mother. Much like the silent assassins on-the-run in the Bourne saga and Salt, she mostly speaks with her eyes, is far more deadly than her appearance would suggest, and desperately craves affection. But her harrowing story of survival was even more poignant than there's were. She's just a kid. And she never really had the chance to be one. I'd sign on for a Hanna saga, if only to continue watching the seamless juxtaposition of her timid integration into society and her inability to assuage her homicidal instincts.

Best Comedy: Bridesmaids

Hands down, this was the funniest movie of the year. While Adam Sandler was making an ass out of himself in drag, and those Hangover dudes were running one good joke into the ground, Kristen Wiig and her band of merry maids were taking the world behind the scenes to see what it's really like to be a woman. In it, a bankrupt boyfriendless baker with low-self-esteem must witness her best friend enter the next stage in her life and possibly leave her behind. It took ladies off the pristine pedestal that Hollywood puts them on and showed a less attractive and less PG side to them that's far more realistic than ever before. Granted, not all chicks take unexpected dumps in the middle of the street, but it can happen, and it's only fair that they get to.

Best Comic Book Adaptation: X-Men: First Class
I know that hardcore fans found a lot of inconsistencies when they compared it to the first three films, but they can't deny that it was one of the better written, cast, and designed X-Men of them all. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender were inspired casting choices, as was (surprisingly) Kevin Bacon, who dug up a soulless villain we didn't realize he could pull off. They told parallel legends of how a villain and a hero were born, and encapsulated the brotherhood between Magneto and Professor X that the other films merely hinted at, illustrating their inner struggles—one for compassion and the other for control. It did what the other films desperately intended. It humanized them.

Best Dark Comedy: Horrible Bosses

While it's true that most dark comedies don't have this much physical comedy, I'm going to make an exception because when three guys get together to murder their bosses and there's coke and thugs involved, it gets pretty dark. This film was essentially a revenge fantasy come to life. Every cubicle-filled office should install a two-way mirror, screen this film, add alcohol, and stir. The only way it can get darker than a cokehead racist misogynist, sexually aggressive blackmailing rapist, and an insensitive job-stealing idea poacher being your boss is if you turned out the lights.

Best Dramedy: 50/50

Seth Rogen and Will Reiser's intention was to tell a cancer story from a young male's perspective that wasn't chocked full of melodrama and Lifetime channel tropes. It was a lofty goal. Anytime a film focuses on dying there are bound to be clichés employed, because they're essential to every terminally ill storyline. But these guys managed to retain the seriousness of the situation without increasing Kleenex sales. It bluntly addressed the injustice of such a life-altering diagnosis at a young age. It embraced the wave of emotions that overcome a cancer patient (denial, sadness, hopelessness, rage, etc.), but always kept a sense of humor about it.  The comedic chemistry between Joseph Gordon Levitt and Anna Kendrick helped in lightening the mood, so that the audience could understand that this was the story of how a man stopped living passively once the option of living started to fade.

Best End to a Saga: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

There is no other film saga that has been as consistently enjoyable and unforgettable for as long as this saga had to be. My generation grew up with Harry Potter—literally. He gave us a magical world, a magical childhood, and magical love stories. Whether or not this last installment was as amazing as it felt won't be clear for a few years. We're too close to it. We had to say goodbye to a lot of good friends and we're not ready to judge. We're too busy screaming victoriously at Mrs. Weasley's revenge on Bellatrix Lestrange. We're too busy respecting Mrs. Malfoy for defying the Dark Lord in order to save her son. We're too busy cheering on Neville Longbottom for living up to his pre-written destiny (and looking hot while doing it). We're too busy breathing a sigh of relief that Ron and Hermione finally shut up long enough to seal their fates with a kiss. And most of all, we're too busy wondering what life will be like for the next generation, and what evil will darken their days. It's not over. Not yet.

Best Family Drama: Warrior

This isn't a movie about boxing or the burgeoning popularity of MMA fighting. It's about forgiveness and the toll it takes on the soul. Two estranged brothers go head-to-head in the ring for $5 million. Both are fighting for the survival of their own families. But as they fight each beefy meathead with pumped up bravado, there's a bigger fight rumbling inside them. Tommy hates his father for being an abusive drunk and leaving him to care for his dying mother. He hates his big brother Brendan for choosing his dad over them. And he hates himself for being the sole survivor in a friendly-fire incident and not being able to save his best friend. Meanwhile, Brendan hates their father for always favoring Tommy and never having an equal interest in training him. He hates Tommy for never appreciating that attention, for depriving him of his right to say goodbye to his mother, for abandoning him with a drunk, and then for asking him to be his trainer again as if nothing ever happened. And he hates himself for not being able to support his family. With every fight, it appears these men are wading through the hatred, the envy, and the self-loathing towards each other, against the current, so they can finally have it out. They need to forgive each other before they can forgive themselves, because, in the end, the family they're fighting for is each other. Both actors, Tom Hardy and Joel Edgerton, did an amazing job of capturing that tumultuous relationship between two brothers, who were as dependent of each other as they were of their father's approval. A modern day Cain and Abel.

Best Kid's Movie: Super 8

This was J.J. Abram's first original script. I know what you're thinking, Um, wasn't that an E.T. remake? No, no it wasn't. It definitely was inspired by it though, since Abrams worships Steven Spielberg. But this alien makes E.T. look like a chump. He was E.T. if E.T. were giant, pissed off after decades of imprisonment, capable of telepathically communicating, and the owner of a spaceship that dissolved into thousands of cubes as a defense mechanism. There was nothing warm and fuzzy about him—except maybe his insides. The kids were also a bit grittier, interested in zombie films and train crashes, realistic enough to curse, mischievous enough to steal a car and drive without a license, and tough enough to stand up to an alien even after they watched it massacre a bus full of soldiers. It was equal parts coming of age story, where a young boy had to come to terms with what happened to his late mother, and sci-fi action story, where these band of misfits helped save their town.

Best Love Story: Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Relax! I'm not going to gush over how hot Ryan Gosling is. His level of hotness and "photoshopped" abs are not factors in my decision—I swear. This movie rocked because it managed to tell not one but three love stories and interlocked them seamlessly. It did what ensemble romances like New Year's Eve only wished they could do: telling different love stories for every age and stage in a relationship, from puppy love to young love to marriage, without seeming rushed and overproduced. And it didn't just stay in the safe zone of the glamorous side of love. It showed its deterioration, its misdirection, its miscommunication, and its banality. Steve Carrell smartly balanced his goofball humor with moments of devastation and self-loathing. And Jonah Bobo, the kid who played his son, did the same, mastering a shattered expression after every soul-crushing rejection put the kibosh on his dorky desperation. The best part of all though was the way it took its time with each relationship to justify the inevitable professions of love. It wasn't love at first sight or a romance shown over the span of a wordless montage. They showed you the chemistry, the common interests, and the humor. You fell in love with their kind of love.

Best Philosophical Plot: The Adjustment Bureau

This film posed an intriguing question: Would you forfeit your destiny for true love? Many romantic films aspire to present obstacles for their lovebirds and many fail, introducing trite tropes such as stealing your frenemy's fiancee (Something Borrowed), falling in love with a commitment-phobe (No Strings Attached), or basically anything in New Year's Eve. But this film really raised the stakes to an epic romance level, while also maintaining a suspenseful sci-fi mystery.

Best Reboot: Fast Five

Car porn isn't that difficult to produce. Nice cars + hot actors + super fast driving = [insert driving-themed play-on-words title] And considering that this is the 5th installment in the Fast and the Furious franchise, they should pop out as easily as a Duggar baby. By now, they should feel mass produced and overly formulaic, like the American Pie straight-to-DVD film series, yet somehow Vin Diesel and director Justin Lin have managed to keep it fresh. In this film, Dom unites characters from all four previous films and changes the formula—or rather, realigns it. In the first film, when we meet Dom and his original crew, Agent O'Connor infiltrates his ring of fast-driving thieves. But ever since he joined and caused the dissemination of the team, there's only really been fast-driving, shit-talking, and friend-saving. The films have never really been known for their heists—until now. The job they pull in this film has so many twists and turns, it was at an Italian Job-level of awesomeness. And the addition of The Rock to, for once, play a formidable opponent to the similarly beefy Diesel was genius. I finally left the theater wanting to see where they'd race off to next.

Best Rom-Com: Friends with Benefits

Romantic Comedies are for girls. They're constructed to please women. They're a fantastical portrayal of love, life, and especially men. Ninety percent of what happens in a rom-com doesn't happen in real life—or at least not to this generation. This film was like a time capsule of what it's like to be in your late 20s/early 30s in the 00s, trying to succeed professionally, while balancing a demanding family life and a hopeless love life. It reflects this generation's desire for instant gratification, insta-relationships, sexual promiscuity, and grand gestures meant for the world to see. And it did all that with a funny cast equipped with great chemistry.

Best Sequel: Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

This is not my favorite spy saga. I'm more of a Bond kind of girl. But I have to say, Tom Cruise outdid himself. Oh your action hero runs from fire? HA! Tom Cruise runs from a sandstorm! Top that! At every turn there was an impressive feat to behold, whether it was watching him scale the tallest building in the world with minimal rope and wonky gripping technology, or nearly miss a a ricocheting vehicle hurdling towards him out of a cloud of sand. And he wasn't alone. Jeremy Renner delivered a modernized version of Ethan Hunt's signature hover move. Josh Holloway fearlessly leapt off a building and returned fire mid-air. Paula Patton kicked some major French girl ass. And even Simon Pegg got in a few licks, as well as barbs. The perspective shots were incredible as well. My favorite was from the inside of a car crash. It was an all-around awesome film. Worth a second and third look. You've just got to see him do it all again.

Best Visuals: Immortals
This film was compared heavily to 300, but I'd argue that its visuals were better designed. I don't know if it's because of improvements over time or if it was the cinematographer's choice to increase the vibrancy and glint of gold and black—even the bare skin of the warriors glowed. The Gods were designed like unbreakable figurines. Everything about it was gorgeous: the hordes of battalions, the virgins flight, the Titan battle. All of it—a moving mural.

 

Best War Movie: Battle Los Angeles

While I realize that this film was marketed as a gritty alien invasion flick, it's actually equal parts war movie. It had the brotherhood, the sacrifice, the civilian rescue missions, and the death-defying feats of bravery. But what really made it fit into the war genre was the final scene where the soldiers choose to redeploy instead of rest. You always hear stories of how there are soldiers in the armed forces who are on their 5th or 6th tour, and most reluctantly, but this film shined a spotlight on the type of soldier that the government wished existed: the unstoppable machine.




Full Disclosure: I have yet to see Shame, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Hugo, or My Week with Marilyn.

BEST OF FILM 2011: Best Performances

The most convincing and memorable performances of the year (in alphabetical order):

Jennifer Aniston as Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. in Horrible Bosses

She's not known for racy roles or for being even remotely funny. But she really shocked me with how vulgar she could be. Not because she's a woman, but because she's one of America's sweethearts. She's the girl you fall for not the girl who drugs you, takes provocative photos of you, and molests you in your sleep. It was a major curveball in her career and I hope producers continue to let her step out of our comfort zone.

Melissa McCarthy as Megan in Bridesmaids

From the beginning of this film's promotion, everyone compared it to The Hangover and McCarthy's character to Zach Galifianakis's. Her performance could've continued to be plagued by that comparison all year long. But because the world is not quite accustomed to women behaving like what is stereotypically referred to as "a man," her willingness to put aside her vanity to portray such an unattractive and inappropriate female character was what dissolved that association. She was no longer playing a carbon copy, but an original character.

Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher in Iron Lady

It's probably not surprising to anyone that Meryl Streep can deliver an impressive performance. But I swear—I swear—you will completely forget that you are watching Meryl Streep in the first five minutes of this movie. She had the old lady walk, mannerisms, voice, and facial expressions down. Who needs an avatar when you're that good?

Michael Fassbender as Magneto in X-Men

I know. I know. Fassbender has been in far more critically lauded films than this comic book adaptation, but I would venture to state that playing the younger version of a character previously established by another actor isn't an easy feat. Audiences have already accepted one incarnation and might be resistant to a more complex version. Fassbender was presented with the tricky task of making the viewers sympathize with a man they've long perceived as an unforgivable tyrant. He had to show the evolution of a villain, from misunderstood and mistreated to merciless and malevolent. And he had to do it alongside several other origin stories without skimping on emotion. 

Paul Giamatti as Barney Panofsky in Barney's Version

In this romantic drama that runs through roughly 30 years of a man's life, we witness the tragedies and trials of his love life. The film illustrates how easily insecurity, self-loathing, and distrust can deteriorate a marriage and a man, and champions the importance of never taking the ones you love for granted. What made it such an enjoyable film though was Giamatti's performance. He ran the gamut of emotions and took the audience on a ride with him.

The Cast of Harry Potter

For 10 years, the main actors of this children's saga have delivered consistently impressive performances despite their age, inexperience, and the challenge of making a story about magic and fictional doom seem as real and imminent as anything in ordinary life. They brought beloved characters to life, did them justice, and did so honorably, never tainting the series with their extracurricular activities or being selfish enough to rob children of their sanctuary with trumped up demands. Each actor, young and old, welcomed us into a fantastical world we'll never forget.

The Cast of Midnight in Paris

You have no idea how incredibly impressive this cast was. I realize that people give Woody Allen a free pass for just about everything, but I swear I'm not just blindly approving of this. He tapped several actors to portray literary greats and their impressions were so good you could hardly believe it. I loved Alison Pill's 1920s Zelda Fitzgerald accent, Tom Hiddleston's devil-may-care F. Scott Fitzgerald, and especially Adrien Brody's Salvador Dalí. He captured the artist's manic and surrealist spirit. I tell you if learning history and literature were this entertaining, no student would miss a class.

The Cast of Super 8

Most child actors skate by on their cuteness, but these characters called for a little mischief, rebellion, and profanity, so that wasn't really an option. The best child actors look like children but behave like adults, and do so without it seeming unnatural. These boys were new to the business but managed to capture adolescent wonder at its best. Elle Fanning, however, was the true highlight. She had to play two characters, the object of Joe's affection and a zombie in his film. There's a scene where she's practicing her zombie stare and movement. She snapped in and out of it so seamlessly, like it was just a switch she flipped in her mind. It was jarring to realize that a 13-year-old could con you so well.

The Cast of The Help

Many have said that Viola Davis is a shoe-in for an Oscar nod, as well as many other award nominations, for this role. I don't disagree that Mrs. Davis delivered a heartbreaking performance of a battered maid, an indentured nanny, and a grieving mother. But she wasn't the only one transforming right before our eyes. This is the first film I actually took notice of Bryce Dallas Howard. The Hollywood legacy has been trying to make a name for herself ever since that 2003 horror dud The Village, but she's surprisingly forgettable. It wasn't until she played this conscienceless racist bitch that she finally stood out. I could say the same about Jessica Chastain, who she's often mistaken for—so many redheads, so little defining roles—because Chastain stepped out of her docile, quiet, background-character comfort zone and played this Marilyn Monroe-esque bombshell besieged by a secret sorrow, and finally took control of the camera. Rounding out the impressive performances in this film is an often overlooked character actor Octavia Spencer. Honestly, I'm not surprised she could pull this off. The only reason I'm mentioning her—well, if you saw the film, you know why I'm mentioning her. Anyone on Earth who has ever been made to feel less than themselves wishes they could be so bold as to deliver such a devastating blow to their enemy as her character did. We thank her simply for the spectacle.

The Breakout Stars of 2011

Adam Pally

Breakout Role: An unemployed slacker on "Happy Endings"
Why: Many may know Pally as the fat guy on that surprise-hit ABC series, but I think of him as the only reason that mid-season comedy wasn't cancelled. The Jersey native got his start in the infamous Upright Citizens Brigade and mastered improv to later become quite the scene-stealer. He has the potential to reach Zach Galifianakis- slash Charlie Day-levels of stardom with the right starring vehicles. Much like Galifianakis, he has no boundaries when it comes to comedy. He regularly posts Funny or Die videos, including a nerve-wracking series of interviews with celebrities called "Riding Shotgun with Adam Pally," and he has no filter on Twitter, where he actually live-tweeted the experience of flying with Tim Robbins and being his wingman as he macked on two girls half his age, despite the fact that Pally is married.
What's Next: Bit parts in the comedies Frankie Go Boom with Charlie Hunnam ("Sons of Anarchy"), Ron Perlman, Lizzy Caplan ("Party Down"), and Whitney Cummings ("Whitney"), and The To Do List with a slew of comedic actors, including Bill Hader ("SNL"), Andy Samberg, Aubrey Plaza ("Parks and Recreation"), Donald Glover ("Community"), and many  more.

Charlie Day

Breakout Role: A sexually harassed dental assistant in Horrible Bosses
Why: Fans of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" already knew back in '05 that Daly was one-to-watch. The rest of the planet caught up with that realization when they saw him get violated by Jennifer Aniston and accidentally inhale coke this summer. When he spazzes out at the slightest sign of inappropriate behavior, his eyes bulge and he turns into a panic-ridden clutz with Bobcat Goldthwait's less-guttural voice. He's a sight to be seen and heard.
What's Next: He'll be in Guillermo Del Toro's sci-fi action film Pacific Rim with Charlie Hunnam, Ron Perlman, and Idris Elba, no doubt as the comic relief.

Felicity Jones

Breakout Role: A lovesick girl in Like Crazy
Why: I think it's safe to say that Felicity Jones has replaced Carey Mulligan as the new British It Girl. The 28-year-old actress's first starring role in an American film swept the indie festival circuit this year, picking up 8 awards, including the Grand Jury Prize and Special Jury Prize for direction and acting at Sundance. There's a little-known story going around that she submitted a video of her showering as her audition for a particular emotional scene in the film. It was a ballsy and unexpected move, which was a characteristic that was necessary for the role itself, since the director and co-writer Drake Doremus encouraged his lead actors to improvise many of the scenes and shot many of them with hidden cameras. Jones now has the rep for being game for anything and having the flexibility required to become an amazing actress.
What's Next: She'll be teaming up with Doremus again for another drama starring Guy Pearce and Amy Ryan (Gone Baby Gone and "The Office"), and then filming Ralph Fiennes' adaptation of The Invisible Woman, where she'll play Charles Dickens' secret mistress.

Gugu Mbatha-Raw

Breakout Role: A spy on "Undercovers"
Why: I realize that not only was her series canceled, but her first feature film, Larry Crowne, wasn't exactly critic-approved, but it's been a long time since there's been a worthy new female addition to the African American acting league. So long in fact that we're making an exception and inducting this 28-year-old South African Brit. Why wouldn't we brake the rules? She's gorgeous. She can do romance, light comedy, and action. She's perfect. Now all she needs is a better agent.
What's Next: The mystery thriller Odd Thomas, starring Anton Yelchin, Patton Oswalt, and Willem Dafoe, and the new supernatural series "Touch" with Keifer Sutherland.

Henry Cavill

Breakout Role: Clark Kent/Superman in Man of Steel
Why: Ok granted, we haven't actually seen Cavill in his breakout role, and technically playing Theseus in this year's Immortals would probably better qualify. But let's be honest, the only reason he's on our radar is because he's going to be the next Superman. He's going to try his very best to erase Bryan Singer's incarnation—that poor unsuspecting newbie Brandon Routh was coerced into starring in—from our memory. And with any luck he'll replace it with a better performance instead of an even worse one. So far so good. He's got the hair. He's got the piercing eyes. And he's got the carved physique. Now all he needs is a convincing American accent, an awesome villain, and millions of dollars worth of impressive special effects.
What's Next (Besides Superman): The action thriller The Cold Light of Day with Bruce Willis and Sigourney Weaver.

Jane Levy

Breakout Role: A city girl on "Suburgatory"
Why: Levy's first role ever was actually on Showtime's "Shameless." She played this dumb, skanky girl who agreed to be a beard for her gay classmate. She had heavy eyeliner, lots of gel in her hair, and wore provocative clothing. It was the complete opposite of the starring role she has now as the smart, snarky, anti-suburbs New Yorker who doesn't care what she looks like and refuses to conform. She's like all the good parts of Angela from "My So Called Life" and "Daria" mixed into one rebellious teenage girl. Levy's versatility will surely come in handy in the future.
What's Next: The drama Nobody Walks with Dylan McDermott, John Krasinski, Rosemarie DeWitt, and Olivia Thirlby, and the comedy Fun Size with Victoria Justice, Johnny Knoxville, Chelsea Handler, and Thomas McDonell (Prom).

Jennifer Aniston

Breakout Role: A nympho dentist in Horrible Bosses
Why: I know how old Jennifer Aniston is (42) and I know how long she's been in this business (23). I'm not delusional. I realize she got her big break in 1993's Leprechaun (ha!) and an even bigger one on "Friends," but we've never really thought of Aniston as an actress. She was either Brad Pitt's wife, Brad Pitt's ex-wife, Vince Vaughn's girlfriend, John Mayer's girlfriend, Justin Theroux's girlfriend, or that chick from "Friends," who maintains a sick body and keeps doing lame rom-coms. It wasn't until we all saw her try to molest a guy wearing, a majority of the time, practically nothing, performing lewd acts, and delivering profane lines that we realized that maybe, just maybe, she can actually act. I even liked her in this year's Just Go With It. I'm amazed by how she managed to develop chemistry with Adam Sandler...the guy who dressed up as a chick and played his Al-Pacino-romancing twin sister this year. That guy! Honestly, I think she deserves an honorable-mention Oscar just for the effort alone.
What's Next: The comedy Wanderlust with Paul Rudd.

Jessica Chastain

Breakout Role: An assassin in The Debt, a mother and wife in The Tree of Life, and an infertile housewife in The Help
Why: Chastain has been secretly snagging choice roles all year, proving she can play an assassin, doting mother, and a misunderstood housewife. I only had the pleasure of seeing her in The Help, but it was enough to co-sign her debut. She transformed from these docile women that she was known for into this dense blonde bombshell. She was practically unrecognizable. I look forward to seeing what she transforms into next.
What's Next: The C.K. Williams biography Tar with James Franco, Michelle Williams, and Mila Kunis; the horror Mama with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau ("Game of Thrones"); the untitled Terrence Malick romantic drama with Ben Affleck, Javier Bardem, Rachel McAdams and Rachel Weisz; the crime drama Wettest County with Tom Hardy, Shia Labeouf, Mia Wasikowska, and Guy Pearce; and the sci-fi action film Horizons with Tom Cruise.

Jonah Hill

Breakout Role: A statistician in Moneyball and a reluctant babysitter in The Sitter
Why: The 28-year-old Judd Apatow protege made a play for the big leagues this year, dropping half his body weight, co-starring in a big budget sports drama with Brad Pitt, and co-creating his own animated FOX series, "Allen Gregory." Every year one of Apatow's boys kicks some Hollywood ass. 2007 was Seth Rogen's year with Knocked Up. 2008 was Jason Segel's year with Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And this year was finally Hill's turn. But this is only the beginning...
What's Next: Next year, his first writing credit will hit theaters when he partners up with Channing Tatum for the revival of the action comedy 21 Jump Street; then he'll costar with Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn in the comedy Neighborhood Watch; then he'll costar with Mark Wahlberg in the action comedy Good Time Gang; then he'll reteam with his buddies James Franco, Seth Rogen, Danny McBride, and Jay Baruchel in the action comedy in The Apocalypse; and then he'll reprise his role in the animated sequel How to Train Your Dragon 2.

Kristen Wiig

Breakout Role: A super religious shut-in in Paul and a bankrupt baker and maid-of-honor in Bridesmaids
Why: Every "SNL" generation has a few stars who eventually breakout on their own. Andy Samberg tried in '07 with Hot Rod and Will Forte tried with MacGruber in '10, but neither had any luck. They seem presently destined for cameos and supporting roles. But after building up her resume with the help of a few "SNL" and comedy friends, she developed street cred for being up for anything. She's not just a chick in a film. She's a comedian. She revived the women-can-be-funny-too belief when she co-wrote Bridesmaids and bucked every girly stereotype comedies usually brand women with.
What's Next: The comedy Imogene with Annette Bening, Mat Dillon, and Darren Criss; the dramedy Revenge for Jolly! with Elijah Wood, Ryan Phillippe, and Oscar Isaac; the horror comedy Freezing People is Easy with Owen Wilson and Paul Rudd; the Sean Penn-directed comedy The Comedian with Robert De Niro; and the animated sequel How to Train Your Dragon 2.

Mamie Gummer

Breakout Role: A type-A doctor in "Off the Map"
Why: Meryl Streep's daughter has actually done a few films in the last five years, but her official debut was in a short-lived adventure medical drama. For 60 minutes every week, we forgot she was Hollywood royalty or had such a hard act to follow, and managed to enjoy her curt comedic deadpan delivery without being distracted.
What's Next: The comedy He's Way More Famous Than You.

Matthew McConaughey
Breakout Role: A sleazy defense attorney in Lincoln Lawyer
Why: In '99, McConaughey made his first big splash with the comedy Edtv. But once the ladies discovered how dreamy he was in 2001's The Wedding Planner, he became the romantic comedy love interest. It didn't matter that between rom-coms he filmed the adventure film Sahara or the dramatic thriller Two for the Money, or the sports drama We Are Marshall. He was just a topless six-pack with a charming Southern accent and a bohemian lifestyle. It wasn't until he starred in a crime drama adaptation where he got in touch with his inner dirtbag that everyone realized that maybe the 42-year-old actor could do more than glisten.
What's Next: The thriller The Paperboy with Nicole Kidman and Zac Efron; the stripper comedy Magic Mike with Channing Tatum; the drama Mud with Reese Witherspoon; and the war drama Thunder Run with Gerard Butler and Sam Worthington.

Max Greenfield

Breakout Role: The neurotic poser on "New Girl"
Why: It's tough being the comic relief on a serious series, but it's even tougher on a comedic series. Everyone's being funny. Everyone's got their own one-liners. And everyone's got their own schtick. It's hard to standout. But Greenfield infuses Schmidt with just enough douchey, self-conscious, over-eager desperation to be funny without being annoying. It's a delicate balance, and after more than 10 years of bopping around television, he's finally found his groove.
What's Next: The second half of the first season of "New Girl."

Melissa McCarthy

Breakout Role: The tough-yet-promiscuous government agent in Bridesmaids
Why: When I first saw McCarthy in "Gilmore Girls," she played this klutzy, lovable goofball with the energy of a hyper squirrel. And once the series was over, she was one of many characters that viewers would never forget. But I found it hard to pinpoint where exactly McCarthy (or any of the show's quirky actors) would be able to revive her career. Then she found another role as the goofy sidekick on Christina Applegate's comedy "Samantha Who?" Unfortunately, after two seasons it was canceled too. But that turned out to be more of a blessing than a setback. A year later, she scored the lead role in "Mike & Molly," a romantic comedy series on CBS. And shortly after, the series became a hit. Not content to rest on her laurels, McCarthy continued her pursuit of comedic roles, extending to film. Having proven to have a knack for character-driven bit parts, like the single-mother support group leader in The Backup Plan and the demanding wife in Life As We Know It, it's not shocking that she could conjure up yet another scene-stealing character as a bridesmaid. Going nude—as in sans makeup—dressing butch, and shamelessly coming on to a man she just met was bold, unexpected, and fearless. It's why she won an Emmy. And it's why she's no longer "that fat girl" but "that funny chick."
What's Next: The Judd Apatow comedy This is 40, starring Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Seth Rogen, and Megan Fox.

Michael Fassbender

Breakout Role: The dashing Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre, Magneto in X-Men: First Class, the infamous psychiatrist Carl Jung in A Dangerous Method, and a sex addict in Shame
Why: The 34-year-old Brit has been building up to this moment for the last ten years. In '06, he did 300. In '09, he did Inglorious Basterds. But this year, he went all out with back-to-back films, impressing critics and audiences with powerful performances of troubled men with challenging, life-altering decisions.
What's Next: The sci-fi horror Prometheus with Noomi Rapace, Charlize Theron, Guy Pearce, Idris Elba, and Patrick Wilson, and the drama Twelve Years a Slave with Brad Pitt and Chiwetel Ejiofor.

Naya Rivera

Breakout Role: The sharp-tongue cheerleader on "Glee"
Why: While it's true that Rivera has been on "Glee" from the start, it hasn't really felt like she's been apart of the series until this season, when her character finally came out of the closet and addressed the reasons behind her mean spirit. Best of all though is the discovery that she has some pipes on her too, and deserves just as many solos and duets as the rest of the usual lead vocals. Her Amy Winehouse and Adele tributes were rather impressive for a supporting actor. It's a wonder why she's been kept in the background all this time. 
What's Next: Next year on "Glee" we're going to meet Santana's mother, played by Gloria Estefan, and she'll get a role model played by Ricki Martin.

Oscar Isaac

Breakout Role: As the abusive orderly slash pimp in Sucker Punch and the ex-con husband in Drive
Why: Isaac doesn't really have a rep for playing likable people, but he was honestly the only shining star in that painfully depressing comic book adaptation that promised badass sword-wielding mavens and delivered damaged and sexually abused orphans/runaways. Sure he played a sadistic sociopath, but he just did it so convincingly, you didn't want to take your eyes off of him.
What's Next: The dramedy Revenge for Jolly! with Elijah Wood, Ryan Phillippe, and Kristin Wiig; the drama Learning to Fly with Viola Davis, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Holly Hunter; The Bourne Legacy quasi-spinoff starring Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz, and Edward Norton; the Coen Brothers drama Inside Llewyn Davis with Carey Mulligan and Justin Timberlake; and the crime thriller The Jesuit with Paz Vega.