FILM TOPIC: Spike Jonze's "Her" is NOT a Romance

I’ve gotten used to indie movies getting hyped up by critics and awards buzz, even when they’re not that impressive. But the mounting support for Her is getting out of hand. I don’t care if it wins awards or if every critic under the sun wants to give it five stars. Be my guest. My concern is with what they’re referring to it as: a modern day love story. Excuse me?

Her is the story of a man who falls in love with his Siri-like operating system, Samantha (Scarlett Johansson). He talks with her more than anyone else, goes on dates with her, has cyber sex with her, and even argues with her. It’s a gloomy look at our potential future if human beings continue to physically disconnect from society only to emotionally connect to it through computers. It’s highly respected for this inspired perspective. Fine, I’ll give it that. It noticed what we’ve been noticing for a decade now. But I would hardly call it a love story. And it’s a little alarming that everyone’s agreeing that it is. 

Perhaps, if you saw it through my eyes, you’ll see what I mean. Allow me to tear away the rose-colored glasses that rom-coms tend to fasten to their devoted audiences. The relationship in this film is not mutual. It’s one-sided. Samantha referred to herself as a self-taught, independent, artificial intelligence. But what she learned was how to please her master. Her sole purpose was to keep him happy. In fact, her job was to keep any individual who purchased her version of the OS happy. She learned what they liked and gave it to them. She provided this service to thousands, and even claimed to have fallen in love with not just Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix), but hundreds of men. If she were human, she would be the equivalent of an escort, and her service, The Girlfriend Experience. I’m sincerely miffed as to how anyone can watch this film and think there’s something romantic about a guy manufacturing his idea of the perfect woman and being satisfied with a completely one-sided relationship. A majority of their conversations were focused on him, and the one time she asked something of him, a physical connection through a surrogate, he refused. 

This type of relationship reminded me of Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s directorial debut, Don Jon. In it, a "Jersey Shore"-clone falls for the hottest girl he’s ever seen, coincidentally played by the same actress who voices Samantha. When given the ultimatum to either give up his porn addiction or lose her, he finds himself growing bored of their sex life. The film likens porn to romantic comedies. Both give people false expectations about what real relationships are like, forcing them to ultimately be disappointed with real life. Guys expect acrobatic, dirty sexy, and women expect lifelong romantic overtures. What the guys love most about porn and its storylines, besides how it arouses them, is that once they’ve gotten what they want out of the interaction, they no longer have to participate in the relationship. Porn is one-sided. They can turn it on and off whenever they want. Maybe there isn’t excessive nudity in Her, but it’s basically the same setup. Theodore wasn’t experiencing an advanced emotional connection with a bodiless female personality. He was deluding himself into thinking he didn’t need a real girlfriend, because he could get everything he wanted from the computer he bought.

As I said before, feel free to applaud it for its examination of the modern, emotionally-stunted mind. But, please, please stop calling it a romance. Don’t let men think this situation qualifies as romantic. Otherwise, you’re just apart of the problem the film is trying to highlight.

TV TOPIC: Actors Returning to TV This Fall 2013 Season

The problem with being known for a specific role is that most of the time you can't jump right into another one. You've got to wait it out. Do a few films, if you can. Maybe try Broadway for a while. Just let the fans forget how much they loved you as this one singular character. Then come back with a few guest spots. Wet their palette a bit. And when the coast is clear, slip into a new character that'll hopefully knock their socks off again. Below, the actors who are returning for another round:

Seth Green | FOX's "Dads" (Sept. 17 - Tuesdays at 8pm)

Last Major TV Role: 4 seasons as werewolf Oz on "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer"

New Role: It's been super long since he last wolfed out, and since then he's cultivated an impressive nerd fanbase due to the animated series he created, "Robot Chicken." This new role isn't that much of a stretch though. He'll play a manchild who runs a video game business with his best friend (Giovanni Ribisi). Sounds like his real-life dream job.

Watch the promo >

James Spader | NBC's "The Blacklist" (Sept. 23 - Mondays at 10pm)

Last Major TV Role: 6 seasons as lawyer Alan Shore on "The Practice" and "Boston Legal"

New Role: I never saw either shows. I'm actually going to have more trouble trying to forget his creepily serious stint on "The Office," but this new crime series seems far more fitting. He plays one of FBI's most wanted criminals, who decides to turn himself in so that he can help them find even more dangerous outlaws on a hit list he created specifically for himself. It's sure to be a suspenseful ride, like "White Collar" meets Silence of the Lambs.

Watch the promo >

Clark Gregg | ABC's "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." (Sept. 24 - Tuesdays at 8pm)

Last Major TV Role: 5 seasons as Richard Campbell on "The New Adventures of Old Christine"

New Role: It shouldn't be too difficult for viewers of his last sitcom to picture him as the commanding S.H.I.E.LD. Agent Phil Coulson. He's already played the role several times in Iron Man 1&2, Thor, and The Avengers. If anything, fans will find it hard to believe he use to play some douchebag ex-husband who replaced his wife for a younger woman.

Watch the promo >

James Caan | ABC's "Back in the Game" (Sept. 25 - Wednesdays at 8:30pm)

Last Major TV Role: 5 seasons as casino owner Ed Deline on "Las Vegas"

New Role: The gravelly voiced 73-year-old actor almost returned full-time in Starz's "Magic City" last season as a Chicago crime boss, unfortunately that series was cancelled. But he'll get a second shot as the estranged father in this family comedy, who's trying to make amends by helping his daughter (Maggie Lawson) raise his grandson.

Watch the promo >

Sarah Michelle Gellar | CBS's "The Crazy Ones" (Sept. 26 - Thursdays at 9pm)

Last Major TV Role: 7 seasons as the vampire hunter Buffy Summers on "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer"

New Role: I know, I know, she already attempted a comeback in 2011 with the soap drama "Ringer," but how about we give her a mulligan? The poor girl has been trying to reinvent herself for a decade now. Two kids and several horrible films later, she's still trying. Hopefully, playing Robin Williams's uptight daughter in this new family-workplace sitcom will remind people that she used to be fun. Hopefully, it'll remind her, too.

Watch the promo >

Michael J. Fox | NBC's "The Michael J. Fox Show" (Sept. 26 - Thursdays at 9:30pm)

Last Major TV Role: 6 seasons as deputy mayor Mike Flaherty on "Spin City"

New Role: Many would think Fox is crazy for attempting to star in a series when he's plagued by Parkinson's Disease. Is he running out of money? Is he starved for attention? Or does he just not give a...bleep? I think he just misses it. He dipped his foot in a bit with "Boston Legal," then a few years later with "Rescue Me," and again for the last few seasons of "The Good Wife." He's at his fighting weight now and I'll be the first to say, he's still got it. With life imitating art a bit, he'll play a news anchor who decides to go back to work five years after being diagnosed with Parkinson's. He'll struggle to not only do his job the best he can, but remain a family man.

Watch the promo >

Tony Shalhoub | CBS's "We Are Men" (Sept. 30 - Mondays at 8:30pm)

Last Major TV Role: 8 seasons as OCD-stricken, consulting detective Adrian Monk on "Monk"

New Role: Pure genius is what he was, comedically and dramatically. It'll be a tough role to top, but he did it once when he had to make everyone forget about "Wings." Consider this series, a sitcom about male divorcees, a cleanser though before he really plunges into a new show, because I don't expect it to last very long. Godwilling.

Watch the promo >

Spencer Grammer | NBC's "Ironside" (Oct. 2 - Wednesdays at 10pm)

Last Major TV Role: 4 seasons as the sorority girl Casey Cartwright on "Greek"

New Role: I highly doubt that fans of her debut series will be watching her new one. There won't be any keg parties or cute frat boys or mean-girl drama. No, our sweet little Casey is all grown-up, playing a feisty detective with criminal connections in this remake of the 60s cop series. However, as a fan of her previous show, I'm actually psyched to watch Grammer kick some ass in the all-boys club that is the police force. Huge fan of the underdog.

Watch the promo >

Ricardo Chavira | NBC's "Welcome to the Family" (Oct. 3 - Thursdays at 8:30pm)

Last Major TV Role: 8 seasons as Carlos Solis on "Desperate Housewives"

New Role: He seems to have a knack for playing Angry Hispanic men. The only real difference is his character is no longer rich and his wife is no longer self-absorbed and smoking hot. Viewers shouldn't be all that hard-pressed to accept his new role. They'll just have to get used to seeing a lot more of him, now that he has less actors to compete with for screen time.

Watch the promo >

Sean Hayes | NBC's "Sean Saves the World" (Oct. 3 - Thursdays at 9pm)

Last Major TV Role: 8 seasons as Jack McFarland on "Will & Grace"

New Role: You would think by now the sight of his face would not inspire fans to shout "Just Jack!," but in all fairness, he did repeat it just the right amount of annoying times to have it permanently burned into their memory. Unfortunately, they shouldn't expect any Jack-like qualities in his new character, aside from his interest in men. Hayes will be playing a divorced gay father, who's attempting to raise his teenage daughter while also juggling his hectic work schedule. Divorce? Responsibility? Work? That's so not Jack.

Watch the promo >

Jonathan Rhys Meyers | NBC's "Dracula" (Oct. 25 - Fridays at 10pm)

Last Major TV Role: 4 seasons as King Henry VIII on "The Tudors"

New Role: The actor is no stranger to playing seductive manipulators. Fans will most likely relish the opportunity to watch him entrance his conquests once again. Of course, this is primetime TV, not cable, so there will be a whole lot less nudity. I doubt that'll deter them though. In this incarnation of the original vampire's life, Dracula seeks revenge against those who betrayed him centuries earlier, but gets sidetracked when he falls in love with a woman he believes is his reincarnated wife.

Watch the promo >

Josh Holloway | CBS's "Intelligence" (Feb. 24 - Mondays at 10pm)

Last Major TV Role: 6 seasons as the con man James 'Sawyer' Ford on "Lost"

New Role: He spent so much time playing a grimy, untrustworthy bad boy that audiences might have a little trouble accepting his new brainiac do-gooder role, let alone his cleanly shaven face and haircut. However, because it's CBS and they are the masters of police procedurals, there is potential for it to not royally tank. In this series, he'll play an intelligence operative, the subject of a government test program, who has a microchip implanted in his brain, basically making him a super spy. So it's like "Chuck," but sexier.

Watch the promo >

Gillian Anderson | NBC's "Crisis" (midseason replacement)

Last Major TV Role: 9 seasons as detective of the supernatural Dana Scully on "The X-Files"

New Role: I've never really been a fan of her 90s series, but I've always thought she was badass. It's good to see that a decade later she's finally getting some momentum. I intend on streaming the BBC Two crime drama "The Fall" on Netflix eventually, and I heard she raised a few eyebrows as the title character's therapist on NBC's "Hannibal," but "Crisis" looks like it might be an opportunity for her to step out of everyone's friend zone.

Watch the promo >

FILM TOPIC: Brad Pitt Has Never Saved the World

As I was watching World War Z last night, I realized something pretty monumental: Brad Pitt has never saved the world before. He's turning 50 this December and in the span of his 30+ years as a leading male hearthrob, he has not saved the world once. He has played heroes before: Lieutenant Aldo Raine in Inglourious Basterds, a spy in Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Spy Game, and Achilles in Troy, but never has he saved the world. I thought it impossible. It's practically a rite of passage for an A-list actor. Get the girl. Check. Come up against a formidable villain. Check. Play ugly or against type. Check. Save the world. ...?

Will Smith has saved the world five times (Independence Day, Men in Black 1-3, and I, Robot). Nicholas Cage, four (Ghost Rider 1-2, Knowing, and The Sorcerer's Apprentice). Tom Cruise, three (Mission: Impossible II, War of the Worlds, and Oblivion). Ben Affleck (Armageddon), George Clooney (Batman & Robin), and Denzel Washington (The Book of Eli), all at least once. How has Pitt only achieved this feat in his golden years. Even his wife, Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider 1 & 2), has saved the world. Twice.

He made me wonder though who else hasn't yet. Johnny Depp, Mark Wahlberg, and surprisingly, Matt Damon. His first time will be this summer with Elysium.

FILM REVIEW: Man of Steel

It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's a predictable opening to a Superman review. If you're a Superman superfan, that line is about as intrinsic to the hero and his saga as the Kryptonite that ails him and the Fortress of Solitude that guides him. Both of which are not in this film. This latest reboot isn't a die-hard's version. It's not a throwback to earlier film adaptations. And while some critics and fans might argue that that's a good thing, that doesn't mean it's perfect.

In this reboot, we are first introduced to Kal-El's home planet, Krypton, and his birth parents, Jor-El (Russell Crowe) and Lara Lor-Van (Angels and Demons' Ayelet Zurer). We witness its destruction and his father's tireless attempts to save him and their people. And, ultimately, we witness his father's demise at the hands of Superman's most famous alien archnemisis, General Zod (the fear-inducing Michael Shannon of "Boardwalk Empire"). From there, we are thrust into Earth right along with Kal-El (the dashing Henry Cavill of Immortals ). While he wanders the sparsely populated areas of America, we're shown flashbacks of his struggle to blend in and control his volatile powers. It's refreshing to see a less celebratory reaction when he discovers his x-ray vision, ability to burn through things with his eyes, and heightened hearing. Each flashback is juxtaposed to a present day act of heroism. And with each one, we grow closer to the hero he will become. 

That storytelling technique was one of my favorite components of the film. Every time they showed a former bully all grown up, tamed, and in awe of him, it preyed on our inner underdog, which naturally dreams of a day when we will get to rub our worth and popularity in the faces of our own childhood bullies. It also served to make a comparison between his biological parents and his adoptive parents Jonathan (Kevin Costner) and Martha Kent (Diane Lane), who were essentially mirrors of one another. Both mothers doting and protective. Both fathers heroic and selfless. That scene when Costner raises his hand, stopping Clark from saving him from the approaching tornado and revealing his powers to all the people huddled under the overpass was haunting. As the sound dropped out, like the calm before the storm, your heart dropped with it, but you couldn't look away. Born of a hero and raised by a hero, there seemed to be no other path he could've ever considered.

The lore that we are told of Kal-El's birth, having been the first natural one on his planet for centuries, was simply the beginning of the Messiah comparisons. During his last conversation with Jor-El, his father tells him that he sent him to Earth hoping that being raised by humans would make him feel like half of one, so he would be the bridge that unified the two species, and the Kryptonians could one day flourish again. He thought that Kal-El could show the humans the Kryptonian way of life, to live justly and to always have hope for a better tomorrow. In the Catholic religion, Jesus was sent to Earth, born naturally (although not conceived naturally), for the very same reason. God, his father, wanted him to be the bridge between Earth and the heavens, to deliver his message of hope. And much like Kal-El, Jesus's birth was questioned, his powers feared, and his existence rejected. They would first cast him down before raising him up. And the clincher of that comparison was when Superman floats out of Zod's ship into space's atmosphere with his arms outstretched and his legs pressed together as if crucified on a cross. He is our messiah, our savior, the bringer of hope.

The voiceovers, when we could hear Jor-El but not see him, also helped to solidify the God comparison. Crowe was a good choice—his voice sounds both commanding and wise. He's no James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman, but not everybody can be black. One aspect I'm glad they brought back from previous incarnations was the flying perspective. I think watching Superman fly without any mechanical or scientific assistance is one of the main things that separates him from other superheroes and, therefore, vital, but I also think that watching his face as he flies is a clever way to bond the audience to him. Watching him smile and laugh as he finds his soaring rhythm brings him down to our level, because if we could fly, that's exactly how we would look. It showed his human side. 

Although, different isn't always bad. I thought the choice to model the Kryptonian space ships, creatures, and gadgets after the structure of several types of bugs, including beetles, was not only aerodynamically logical, but also a smart way of differentiating their technology from ours, since we model our planes after birds. General Zod's initial contact with the human race was also inspired. It's not often that an alien movie includes the entire world. And when they do, they don't always remember that regardless of how universal the English language might seem to be, not everybody chooses to learn it. So the translation of his worldwide transmission was quite warranted. I also appreciated the implied origin story of Superman's costume. It wasn't just something he thought up or that was made specifically for him, but a warrior's uniform on his planet. And the S on his chest wasn't to inspire a moniker that would deem him superior to the inhabitants of his adoptive planet, but a symbol that all of his people wore.

Of course, there are still plenty of things I either didn't get, found annoying, or thought were illogical. For example, the cape. I still don't get the cape. I know it's part of the iconic costume, but I will never get the cape. What is it for? He flies either way. And while we're on the topic of the hero's appearance, what was up with his teeth? Do British people not have dentists? Do Germans? General Zod's second in command, Faora-Ul (Antje Traue), also had quite the set of chompers. Gorgeous woman. Fucked up teeth. And, lastly, I realize we want to stress Superman's humanity, but did he have to have the hairiest chest of any of his predecessors. It was like he was competing with Wolverine, who is...a fucking wolverine. I'm not saying don't have a hairy chest. I'm just saying tufts of it shouldn't peek out at the top of your costume. The third most obvious visual eye sore was the product placement. I get it. This movie was expensive—$225 million to be exact. But I don't think we needed to know that Lois Lane uses a Nikon, that bullies end up serving mouthwatering pancakes at IHOP, or that Clark Kent's mom works at Sears. And, while sure, the American flag isn't a product, it sure as hell seemed like one given how many times it was on screen. It reminded me of the Facebook sidebar that suggests people you might want to be friends with. I imagine other countries viewing this movie are declining just the same.

I'm not complaining just to be a killjoy. If I really wanted to get nit-picky, I'd mention the fact that Clark's dad is supposed to be 46 when he dies, according to his tombstone. Pfft. Costner, who is 58, looks maybe 65—maybe, on a good airbrushing day. And the studio's decision to make General Swanwick (Harry Lennix from "Dollhouse") fake swear at the end with "F-ing" to keep their PG-13 rating was ridiculous. Realistically, he would've cursed during that tense moment. But if he's not going to actually curse, then don't bother. That's like serving gluten-free cake. Why? Just eat anything else. But I'm not being nit-picky. I was simply easing you into the preposterousness of a few other elements. 

For example, why in God's name would you freeze criminals and send them to a black hole for a few life cycles, 1) knowing that when your planet inevitably explodes, they will be freed and 2) in the end, you die and they live? What?! Leave them on the planet that's dying. You go somewhere else. You had so much time to evacuate. You have got to be kidding me. In the same vein of stupidity, Zod, if your plan was to rebuild the Kryptonian community with the fetuses that survived for thousands of years in a well-hidden space ship, why the F (see how annoying that is?) would you take that ship to battle? If the ship is destroyed, the babies die. In the wise words of Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler, Really? My biggest gripe though is with the CGI movements of the Kryptonians. They moved like The Hulk. The Hulk is a giant ogre. He's clunky and massive. Superman should be graceful. He and his fellow Kryptonians shouldn't land like hammers and fight like wrestlers. I mean, they don't need to know karate, but I felt like I was watching "The Flinstones" and Bamm-Bamm was throwing a fit. And last, but not least, I will let the lack of a Fortress of Solitude or Kryptonite slide, since I'm sure we'll eventually encounter these things in sequels, but I'm a little bummed we weren't introduced to Jimmy Olsen.

Now, there was internet speculation that the intern Jenny (newcomer Rebecca Buller), who got trapped mid-attack and was vigilantly saved by her boss Perry White (Laurence Fishburne) and reporter Steve Lombard (Michael Kelly of "House of Cards" and "People of Interest"), was Jimmy's replacement. But luckily, after someone obsessively enhanced her ID and read that her last name was Jurwich, that theory was debunked. Look, as much as I love girl power, the brotherly bond between Clark and Jimmy is far more important. He has to feel like he has a family in Metropolis, now that all of his people are dead and he's so far from both his homes.

Speaking of vital bonds, after the second viewing of this film, I decided that in spite of a serious lack of courting, I will accept the love story between Clark and Lois (the bravado-bearing Amy Adams). At first, I only understood why she liked him. Who wouldn't she? He's handsome, heroic, selfless, and he treats her with the respect that most men don't. What I struggled with was why he would fall for her. Flashbacks to his childhood give glimpses of his crush on Lana Lang, but he's met plenty of women since then in his travels. Why would he fall for this one? Then I realized it was because she's the only one who ever publicly accepted him without fear of judgement, and publicly stood up for him without fear of consequence. She embodies the reason the human race deserves to be saved. She is both the acceptance he has craved all his life and the hope he was destined to deliver. So fine. Fall. Fall hard. But the next movie better be chocked full of Clark and Lois moments now that they work together at The Daily Planet, while he rocks those extremely "covert" spectacles, because otherwise it'll become a superficial romance.

I also look forward to the possibility that they will introduce Lex Luthor next time, because, let's be honest, some tycoon is going to swoop in and rebuild Metropolis after that insane demolition scene that was passed off as an aerial duel. I'm also interested in finding out if the government were so bold as to search the wreckage for fetuses to dissect or alien technology to steal. I also wonder if Faora-Ul, who is said to be one of Superman's most formidable comic book enemies, actually died during that black hole suck, given her propensity for survival. But mostly, I look forward to finding out the most baffling question of all: Is Superman a virgin? Come on. After his implication that the best has yet to come when they took a much-needed kiss break, you were thinking the exact same thing.

FILM REVIEW: Tina Fey & Paul Rudd's "Admission"

Admission is a romantic dramedy about a Princeton admissions officer who is contacted by a passionate teacher, hellbent on not only getting his student into Princeton, but also reuniting him with his biological mother...her.

With Tina Fey and Paul Rudd at the helm, adorable goofiness was bound to ensue, of which they both delivered. But what I found most noteworthy was the tone, which reminded me so much of Judd Apatow's This is Forty. In the trailers of both these films, the audience is led to believe they're in for 90% comedy / 10% drama, but that's not what's delivered. This is Forty suffered from the same tone issues that Apatow's previous film Funny People did. The balance of humor and drama were so unexpectedly disproportionate for a screenwriter known for films like The 40-Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Pineapple Express that the audience left shell-shocked with emotion when they actually came for a raucous good time. Admission, however, gets it right, with a fluid balance of comedy and drama injected into each scene.  

Rudd has a knack for this particular juggling act, but after 7 years on the loopy "30 Rock" and 12 years on the unhinged "Saturday Night Live," Fey has yet to truly prove she can handle a dramatic moment. Sure there were a few in Mean Girls, Baby Mama, and Date Night, but those were definitely 90-10 dramedies. Admission is more of a 60-40 dramedy. And it turns out Fey can bring you to tears almost as easily as she can get a laugh out of you.

That said, the film is at best a rental. No need to run to theaters to see it. My advice to junior and senior high school students, especially ones who want to go to the top Ivy schools, is to definitely not watch this before you get your admission responses. Once you learn what is allegedly the process that one must endure to apply and the system the admissions officers use in order to determine your worthiness, your brain will probably melt. For everybody else, who is either already in college or glad to be done with it, you'll discover a sweet story about parenthood and the different ways it can go wrong no matter how much you try to do right. Special recognition go to Michael Sheen, who plays Fey's boring British pushover of a long-term boyfriend, and Nat Wolff, who is surprisingly captivating for a kid who once starred in a Nickelodeon series called "The Naked Brothers Band."

ONE-TO-WATCH: Mireille Enos from Gangster Squad

The 37-year-old Texan started her career almost 20 years ago, but it wasn't until her breakout role in the much-talked about 2011 AMC crime series "The Killing" that the world took notice. I didn't jump on that particular bandwagon, but I could not avoid noticing the ginger beauty in Gangster Squad, where she played the gun-slinging Josh Brolin's feisty, but supportive wife. I gladly added her to the redheaded ranks that Jessica Chastain, Bryce Dallas Howard, Christina Hendricks, and occasionally Emma Stone are apart of, and look forward to seeing more of her.

Future Projects: The biographical crime drama Devil's Knot with Reese Witherspoon, Colin Firth, and Dane DeHaan (Chronicle); the Marc Foster horror drama World War Z with Brad Pitt and Matthew Fox; the David Ayer dramatic thriller Ten with Arnold Schwarzenneger, Sam Worthington, and many more; and the thriller Queen of the Night with Ryan Reynolds and Rosario Dawson.

CRUSHWORTHY: Eddie Redmayne from Les Misérables

I saw him in the trailer for My Week with Marilyn. Nothing. I saw Les Misérables. Nothing. I saw him play a limping, child-kidnapping, pedophile cowboy in Hick. Swoon. I don't know what that says about me personally, but it speaks volumes of Redmayne. That he could get a girl to fall while playing such an irredeemable character, with a slowburn transition from fragile to lethal, is rather impressive. His nude, pouty lips, freckled skin, and mysterious eyes are just a bonus.

Past Films: The Good Shepherd as Matt Damon and Angelina Jolie's neglected son; Savage Grace as Julianne Moore's schizophrenic son; Elizabeth: The Golden Age as an assassin hired to kill the queen; The Yellow Handkerchief* as a geeky outcast; The Other Boleyn Girl as Scarlett Johansson's suitor; Powder Blue* as a reluctant mortician with bad asthma; Black Death* as a monk seeking a supernatural cure to the bubonic plague; Hick*; My Week with Marilyn as an aspiring filmmaker who is obsessed with the icon; Les Misérables as a revolutionary.

Future Films: Jupiter Ascending, a Wachowski film, where he'll star alongside Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum. It's a dystopian sci-fi action film about a woman who is targeted for assassination by the Queen of the Universe to prevent being overthrown. It's like a futuristic Snow White.

*Available on Netflix Instant Watch.

FILM: The Best Romantic Grand Gestures in Film

Many films, romantic or not, have had perfect couples, interesting meet-cutes, and memorable dates. But there's one component of a romantic plot that clinches it for the viewer: the grand gesture. There are many kinds, from the heroic to the tear-inducing. Below I've comprised a list of some of the best. Obviously, there are major spoilers. Of course, if you haven't seen half of these films already you've either been in a coma for the last twenty years or you don't have a uterus.

APOLOGIES

+Never Been Kissed
To apologize for lying about her identity and almost getting Michael Vartan's character fired, Drew Barrymore's character publishes a heartfelt apology on the front page of the city's newspaper, asking him to meet her on the mound before a high school baseball game to give her her first official kiss.
+Pitch Perfect
Skylar Astin's character is amazed that Anna Kendrick's character doesn't enjoy watching movies, and therefore has missed out on some amazing scores. So he shows her the ending of The Breakfast Club so that she can be as affected by the final monologue and the accompanying track as he is. But she doesn't react the way he expects her to. Later, when she shuts him down so hard he refuses to talk to her, she watches the movie and the final song hits her the way he knew it would. She then creates a mix for their final performance that includes The Breakfast Club song, as her way of apologizing.
>Watch the scene!<


THOUGHTFUL GIFTS
+10 Years
Oscar Isaac's character is a famous musician with a very popular song that everyone at his high school reunion knows. The only person that doesn't seem to know the song is Kate Mara's character. He spends most of the film reminiscing with her and talking about their present lives. She tells him a story about a pair of yellow heels she had in high school and how she always felt invisible, as evidenced by a wall of photos where she only appears in the background of one photo. Later, when she and the rest of the bar ask him to sing his famous song, she's listening to the lyrics for the first time and realizes that it describes her. All this time she thought she was invisible and she had no idea she was immortalized in a famous song.
>Watch the scene!<

+Bridget Jones Diary
After reading her private and embarrassing thoughts about him and their relationship, Colin Firth's character doesn't flip out or run for the hills. He instead goes out in the snow to buy Renee Zellwegger's character a new diary to keep writing.
+Confessions of a Shopaholic
Isla Fisher's character has a signature green scarf throughout the film, her last splurge purchase. When she finally succumbs under the weight of her massive debt, she sells all of her designer clothes in a sample sale and auctions off the scarf, which is now famous because of her finance column. A mysterious bidder on the phone succeeds in placing the highest bid. Later, we discover it's Hugh Dancy's character, who thought she should get to at least keep one piece of her extensive couture collection.
+Five Year Engagement
After waiting so long to plan their wedding and get married, Jason Segel's character plans a shotgun wedding where Emily Blunt's character gets to make quick wedding-planning decisions, choosing a band, a dress, etc. minutes before they say "I Do." It takes the pressure off so they can finally start their lives together.
+From Nada to Prada
When Alexa Vega's rich character first arrives in the barrio, she has to sell all of her stuff and downgrade. A car her aunt purchases for her has a busted side mirror, and even though Vega's character butts heads with Wilmer Valderrama's intimidating neighbor character, he fixes the mirror without telling her. Later, after her car accident and their falling out, he builds a ramp to make it easier for her to enter the house with her wheel chair. Neither time does he seek gratitude.
+The Lorax
In order to impress a tree-lover, the lead character ventures past their town's boundaries to search for any signs of vegetation.
+P.S. I Love You
Gerard Butler's character leaves letters for Hilary Swank's character after he dies to help her cope with her loss of him and move on.
+The Silver Linings Playbook
Bradley Cooper's character figured out that Jennifer Lawrence's character wrote a fake letter from his ex-wife to give him hope and make him do the dance competition, but instead of calling her out, he plays along and goes through with it.

+Sixteen Candles
Everyone forgets Molly Ringwald's character's birthday because of her sister's impending wedding, so after an entire night of trying to connect with her, her crush picks her up from the church, takes her back to his house, and presents her with a birthday cake, so she can finally celebrate.
+What's Your Number?
Anna Faris's character makes dioramas fitted with cartoonish statues. It's a hobby that she's too afraid to be passionate about. Instead of thinking she's a weirdo, Chris Evans' character builds display cases in her apartment so she can feature them proudly.


HEROIC ACT

+Clueless
Alicia Silverstone's character volunteers to help out with her father's legal case so she can flirt with Paul Rudd's character. At some point, she fudges the task, and one of her father's associates flips out on her and calls her stupid. Rudd comes to her defense and rebuilds her self-esteem, leading to their first kiss.
+Ever After
A band of thieves attempt to rob Dougray Scott and Drew Barrymore's characters while they walk through the woods. They're willing to let her go, but instead she makes a deal with their leader to take whatever she can carry. She then lifts Scott's character over her shoulder with the intention of carrying him away. The thieves are so amused by her attempt that they tell her to stop, and invite both of them to their camp.
+Forgetting Sarah Marshall
After Mila Kunis's character tells Jason Segel's character that there's a topless photo of her in a bar that she regrets taking, he steals it and risks a beat down.
+Knight & Day
Throughout the film Tom Cruise's character has repeatedly kidnapped Cameron Diaz's character for her own protection. Also, since the government faked his death, he's not allowed to contact his parents, but checks up on them often. In the end, when it's clear that the agency intends on sending him somewhere secluded to live out the rest of his days, Diaz's character kidnaps him from the hospital and has his parents meet them in the one place he's always wanted to retire.
+Let Me In
Kodi Smit-McPhee's character is constantly bullied by his classmates and one night when they almost drown him, his vampire buddy, played by Chloe Grace Moretz, rips them all apart and saves him.
+Love and Other Drugs
When Jake Gyllenhaal's man-whore character learns Anne Hathaway's character has Parkinson's, he doesn't ditch her. He, instead, goes to great lengths to find treatment and save her life.
+Overboard
In the middle of the film, Kurt Russell's character tells Goldie Hawn's character a story about star-crossed lovers who tried to find each other in the ocean. In the end, when her husband holds her hostage, they both jump out of their boats and swim to each other like in the love story, screaming the character's names.
+True Lies
Arnold Schwarzenneger's character hangs out of a helicopter to retrieve Jamie Lee Curtis's character from a limousine that's about to cross a damaged bridge.


MAKING A FOOL OUT OF THEMSELVES

+10 Things I Hate About You
First, Heath Ledger's character serenades Julia Stiles's character while she's mid-soccer practice to get her attention. Then, because he gets sent to detention, she flashes the teacher monitoring detention so he can escape. Then, at the end, after she realizes he was being paid to date her, she reads a heart-wrenching poem she wrote about him in front of the entire class.
>Watch the scene!<
+500 Days of Summer
Zooey Deschanel's character introduces this weird game where they both say the word "penis" exponentially louder in a park until one of them chickens out. Joseph Gordon Levitt's character screams it as loud as he can to impress her, in spite of his crippling shyness.
>Watch the scene<
+Beastly
Alex Pettyfer's character is an obnoxious snob. He humiliates a wiccan and she curses him to be as hideous on the outside as he is on the inside. In order to break the curse, he has to get someone to fall in love with him for who he is before the year is up. But instead of forcing it with Vanessa Hudgens' character just to save himself, he shows up at school for the first time since he was cursed and professes his love to her in front of everyone, submitting to the stares and whispers that he was trying to avoid all along.
+Drive Me Crazy
Adrian Grenier's character was egregiously opposed to PDA, so in order to win Melissa Joan Hart's character back, he slides down the centennial sculpture with slicked-back hair and a tuxedo, making himself the center of attention, and asks her to dance.
+Hitch
Kevin James's character notices Amber Valletta's character is a a goofy dancer, so instead of using the cool dance moves Will Smith's character taught him, he decides to dance just as goofy as her to make her seem normal.
+Valentine's Day
Eric Dane's character is in a lover's spat with Bradley Cooper's character. He's a famous athlete and being openly gay would be bad for his rep. But in order to prove his love for Cooper's character, he holds a press conference where he comes out of the closet.


SACRIFICE
+13 Going On 30
After spending the entire film being the popular girl she's always wanted to be and realizing that all that mattered was having Mark Ruffalo's character by her side, Jennifer Garner's character regains consciousness as her thirteen-year-old self and bravely rejects the popular girl, giving up any chance of being apart of her clique.
+17 Again
Zac Efron's character gives up a potential basketball career for a second time so that he can be with his wife, Leslie Mann's character, and their kids.
+50 First Dates
Adam Sandler's character forgoes a normal life for one where his wife, played by Drew Barrmore, has to watch a video every morning to remind her of who he is and who their children are.
+The Adjustment Bureau
When Matt Damon's character learns that Emily Blunt's character will never be successful at doing what she loves if she stays with him, he let's her go.

+Anna Karenina
At the start of the film, Alicia Vikander's character is a spoiled brat who is smitten with Aaron Taylor-Johnson's seductive character, so she rejects the sweet character that Domhnall Gleeson plays. Later, when she finally gets over her misguided crush and realizes the mistake she made, she accepts Gleeson's character's proposal. When he brings her back to his estate, they discover that his brother, played by David Wilmot, has fallen ill and his foreign prostitute wife is the only one caring for him. Gleeson's character assumes that Vikander's character will be her usual aristocratic self, but instead she pulls up her sleeves and tends to his needs, which in that time period would be considered taboo.
+Coming to America
Eddie Murphy's African prince character forfeits his throne and his inheritance to be with an American commoner and work minimum wage.

+Country Strong
Leighton Meester's character is hellbent on becoming a huge country star just like her idol, Gwyneth Paltrow's character. But after witnessing her alcoholic downward spiral and learning that her one regret was prioritizing her fame, she forfeits her big break to be with the soulful country singer, played by Garrett Hedlund.
+Dedication
Billy Crudup's character seems rather autistic and one of his hang-ups is that he doesn't drive. After tanking his relationship with Mandy Moore's character, he slowly and timidly drives himself to her book signing to declare his love for her.
+Excess Baggage
Benicio Del Toro's character forfeits a massive payday and risks his life to save Alicia Silverstone's character after trying to get rid of her for a majority of the film.
+The Hunger Games
Josh Hutcherson's character embeds himself with the other hunters so that he can prevent Jennifer Lawrence's character from getting murdered, knowing that if they are the last survivors, she would have to kill him.
+John Carter
The title character, played by Taylor Kitsch, chooses to leave Earth, and everything familiar, to permanently live on Mars to be with the princess.

+Love Actually
Even though Andrew Lincoln's character is in love with his best friend's wife, played by Keira Knightley, he doesn't try to steal her away. Instead, he plays caroling music when she answers her door as a cover so that she can read a funny message written on poster boards where he professes his love for her and promises to never act on it.
>Watch the scene!<
+Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
After getting to know Anne Hathaway's princess character, Chris Pine's character refuses to follow his scheming uncle's orders and forfeits any right to the throne.
+Ruby Sparks
Once Paul Dano's character realizes that controlling Zoe Kazan's character's every move does not constitute a relationship or true love, he sets her free.
+Safety Not Guaranteed
In the end, when Mark Duplass's character finally attempts to go back in time, Aubrey Plaza's character has to decide if she's going to take this leap of faith with him. If it doesn't work, then at least she was supportive of his dream. And if it does work, then she'd be abandoning her dad and venturing off into the unknown.
+Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Ewan McGregor's character resigns from his government position to follow through with the project and stay with Emily Blunt's character, even though there's a chance her boyfriend will return.
+Seeking a Friend at the End of the World
First, knowing that Keira Knightley's character is his last chance at love, Steve Carrell's character makes his father fly her to England to see her family one last time. Then she forces his father to turn the plane around because she'd rather die by his side.
+Slumdog Millionaire
Dev Patel's character goes to great lengths to save Freida Pinto's character from settling for a rich, dangerous man she doesn't love, and loses his brother in the process.
+Wild Target
Bill Nighy's character comes from a long line of assassins. He's hired to kill Emily Blunt's con artist character, but instead falls in love with her. He risks the wrath of his retired mother and his employer by refusing to go through with it and killing anyone who comes near her.


PROVING THEY'RE WORTHY
+Crazy, Stupid, Love
One night when Steve Carrell's character secretly goes over to his ex-wife's house, she calls him while he's in her backyard, claiming that there's something that needs fixing. He begins to walk her through how to fix the problem, and she pretends she's doing what he's saying, and all the while, he's watching her through the window. It's a sweet moment as they both desperately needed to be around each other but had to make up a reason to hear each other's voice or see each other.
+He's Just Not That Into You
Ben Affleck's character doesn't want to get married and Jennifer Aniston's character does, so they break up. When her father has a health scare, he comes over and helps out. All he does is clean up the kitchen and do some laundry, but given that her sisters' husbands have done nothing helpful, she decides right then and there that she doesn't need a ring to prove that he's committed to her.
>Watch the scene!<
+The Tourist
Angelina Jolie's character is an undercover agent who falls in love with her mark. When he disappears, she figures he abandoned her. But he devises a way to get back to her. He hires someone to pretend to be him and to make the government to believe he's someone else, played by Johnny Depp. Because that endangers Depp's character, Jolie's character is forced to protect him, and in the process, she falls for him. In the end, we discover that her mark and Depp are the same man, and he had plastic surgery so they could be together. But at the same time he proves that she loved him no matter what he did for a living or what he looked like.

What's the most romantic grand gesture you've ever seen?

FILM REVIEW: Melissa McCarthy and Jason Bateman's "Identity Thief"

At first glance, Identity Thief looks like it would be as zany and over-the-top as such road trip box office stinkers as All About Steve and Due Date. But I'm happy to report that it was surprisingly good. Granted, I went in with very low expectations, so that probably helped a bit. But I was rooting for Melissa McCarthy, and hoping to see if she could carry a film on her own. The thing is while she may be the lead actress on the CBS sitcom "Mike & Molly," she has two enormous factors set against her.

The first factor is her age. At the moment Hollywood is dominated by the fresh young faces of Jennifer Lawrence, Anne Hathaway, and Olivia Wilde. And the second factor was crassly addressed in 2010 by Marie Claire TV blogger Maura Lynch, who ignorantly expressed her disgust of having to watch what she considered morbidly obese actors on TV, and just yesterday by New York Observer critic Rex Reed, who made unnecessarily crude comments in his review of this film. While her fans—fat and thin—may be supportive, at the end of the day, there are more skinny (and getting skinnier by the minute) actresses in Hollywood than there are overweight ones. And the ones that are overweight are often secretly plotting ways to get skinnier (see Sarah Rue, comedian Monique, and Jennifer Hudson for reference). McCarthy herself has actually dropped a lot of weight since her "Gilmore Girls" days. And one imagines up-and-comer Rebel Wilson, a self-proclaimed fatty, isn't far behind. However, in spite of these factors, after seeing this film, I am confident that McCarthy could in fact do what's perceived in current pop culture as the impossible: make it big while being big.

The world first took notice of McCarthy ten years after the fans of "Gilmore Girls" did. It wasn't until 2010 when her series debuted and she stole scenes in The Back-Up Plan, Life as We Know It, and Bridesmaids that she became a household name. Critics branded her as the female Zach Galifianakis....which worried me. Galifianakis was in the aforementioned Due Date with the notoriously funny Robert Downey, Jr. All the ingredients for hilarity were in the mix, but the results were abysmal. He hasn't actually been able to successfully carry a film or costar in one since he stole every scene in The Hangover—four years ago. The sequel wasn't even that funny. If it wasn't for the dorky genius of HBO's recently cancelled sleuth comedy "Bored to Death," he'd be all but forgotten. So naturally, I worried that McCarthy could suffer the same fate if she signed up for a slew of roles where she'd run her chubby-awkward-loon routine into the ground.

Alas, not only did McCarthy choose a three-dimensional character who wasn't a caricature of crazy but someone capable of displaying hilarious lunacy in one scene, crafty vindictive manipulation in another, and heartbreaking loneliness in the next, but she also set up a pretty sweet lineup of films in her future. You've probably already seen trailers for her summer buddy cop comedy The Heat with Sandra Bullock, where she plays an untamed version of her Bridesmaids character, tomboyish and tough as nails. But you'll probably be surprised to learn that she and her husband, Ben Falcone, who you'll remember as the sky marshal in Bridesmaids, are co-directing and -writing her next project Tammy, which she'll co-star in with Shirley MacLaine. It's another road trip comedy. This time involving a recently fired and jilted woman who decides to hit the road with her foul-mouthed, alcoholic grandmother. Cue the inappropriateness. Choosing to take the reigns of her career creatively is a smart move. That's actually the problem with most comedians and comedic actors. They're the funniest when they write their own stuff. Kristen Wiig and Andy Samberg learned that, and hopefully Galifianakis and even Dane Cook will learn it soon.

If you need proof that McCarthy deserves to go further in her career and to not be stunted by her appearance, then you have to watch Identity Thief. She plays a con artist with many personalities in her back pocket for duping people. Watch her go in and out of character during a con. You'll see more than just her pudgy face. You'll see that she's three times the actress's of today in more ways than one.

FILM TOPIC: JJ Abrams's Tendency to Reuse Actors Could Affect Star Wars Sequel Casting

By now you've heard the news of JJ Abrams accomplishing the impossible, unequivocally solidifying his place in geek history by becoming the only person ever to direct both Star Trek AND Star Wars. Fellow geek directors most definitely hate him now. They're probably Mean Girl-ing his ass behind his back, and clocking every accomplishment they've ever had as complete failures. This is epic. This is so epic that JJ Abrams is probably still jumping around and screaming like a little girl. This is so epic that I wouldn't be surprised if they re-shot the next "Big Bang Theory" episode just to include a mention of this announcement so that we as a geek community can properly assess how epic this is.

Now that I've written the word "epic" four five times, I can share a concern of mine. I don't really know if this trilogy continuation of Star Wars is going to be awesome. I had never seen a Star Trek movie or episode, so the reboot was awesome to me. I have, however, seen the entire Star Wars saga. When the last slash third film came out, I saw Episode I and II in the morning, went to the movies, saw III, and came home to see IV through VI. My alarm clock is a Lego Darth Vader. And I already plan to have a Darth Vader piñata at my wedding. (Don't judge.) That said, Abrams has a really good track record (Super 8, "Fringe," "Lost," "Alias," etc.), and I'm sure, at the very least, it won't be Jar Jar Binks-horrible. My concern though is with Abrams' tendency to hire actors he's already worked with, because not all of them deserve this particular phone call.

Exhibit A. A list of actors he's reused in the past:

Keri Russell ("Felicity" and Mission: Impossible III), Greg Grunberg (Super 8, "Lost," a voice in Star Trek, Mission: Impossible III, "Alias," "Felicity"), Jennifer Garner ("Alias" and "Felicity"), Bruce Greenwood (Super 8 and Star Trek), Zoe Saldana ("Six Degrees" and Star Trek), Simon Pegg (Star Trek and Mission: Impossible III & IV), John Cho (Star Trek and "Felicity"), Jorge Garcia ("Alcatraz," "Fringe," and "Lost"), Josh Holloway (Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol and "Lost"), Terry O'Quinn ("Lost" and "Alias"), Michael Emerson ("Person of Interest" and "Lost"), Henry Ian Cusick ("Fringe" and "Lost"), Elizabeth Mitchell ("Revolution" and "Lost"), Ken Leung ("Person of Interest" and "Lost"), Lance Reddick ("Fringe" and "Lost"), Kevin Chapman ("Person of Interest" and "Lost"), Billy Burke ("Revolution" and "Fringe"), and Zak Orth ("Revolution" and "Fringe")

Now, I'm not saying that none of the actors he's used before should be allowed to participate in this new trilogy, but there should definitely be rules. First thing's first, no Star Trek actor should be allowed to be in the new Star Wars trilogy. It's the principle of the matter. Not only is it not fair to nerdy actors everywhere who would kill to be in this new saga, but you cannot mix the fan base. It would be an injustice to Trekkies everywhere. They're very sensitive. (See the film Fanboys for an in-depth explanation.) Secondly, let's not pretend like everyone can be in a Star Wars movie. It's going to take a lot more than makeup and costumes to make Scott Foley ("Felicity") or Bradley Cooper ("Alias") seem like they belong in that universe.

As for the actors he's worked with that could pass the grade, I would say...

Keri Russell could be a mother figure. Jorge Garcia could be a father-figure to the Ewoks. Kidding. Giancarlo Esposito (Captain Neville on "Revolution") and Gugu Mbatha-Raw ("Undercovers") could be descendants of Billy Dee Williams's Lando Calrissian, and JD Pardo (Nate/Jason on "Revolution") and Daniella Alonso (Nora on "Revolution") of Boba Fett. Greg Grunberg and Eddie Marsan (Mission Impossible III) would make great creatures (sorry guys). Kevin Weisman (Marshall on "Alias") could be a spazzy mechanic. Naveen Andrews (Sayid on "Lost") and Daniel Dae Kim would make awesome Jedis, as would Maggie Q (Mission Impossible III). Joel Courtney (Super 8) could be a young Jedi born to Leia and Han Solo. Call him...Lee Solo? Jeremy Renner (Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol) could be a bounty hunter. Billy Crudup (Mission Impossible III) would make an interesting villain. John Noble (Walter on "Fringe") would crush it as a Sith Lord, and if there happen to be Sith...Ladies, then Blair Brown (Nina on "Fringe") could totally strike fear into anyone's heart.

Regardless of who Abrams casts, it's clear some actors will be more eager than others:

This is Grunberg's Geek magazine cover from 2007.

FILM: 2012's Actors-Turned-Directors/Writers

It's always interesting when actors venture to step behind the camera or put the words on the page. Sometimes they get showered with accolades and leave critics in awe, and other times the world wishes they'd get back to their day jobs. Here's a list of actors-turned-directors and -screenwriters, and whether or not they're one-trick ponies:

Ralph Fiennes | Coriolanus, director
93% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 21 | Total Gross: $1 million
Staging your directorial debut can be a nerve-wracking affair, and choosing to adapt Shakespeare for your first attempt would be considered foolish. But Fiennes' decision to modernize it for the masses is what brought critics to their knees. They heralded the chemistry between him and his co-star Gerard Butler, the casting of Vanessa Redgrave and Jessica Chastain, and the unnerving "portrait of modern warfare, politics and propaganda." Buoyed by this praise, Fiennes has already completed his next directorial project, The Invisible Woman, adapted by Abi Morgan (The Iron Lady and Shame). This time he'll be so bold as to play Charles Dickens, and tell the story of the author's secret mistress, played by Felicity Jones (Like Crazy).

Jay Baruchel | Goon, co-writer
82% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 242 | Total Gross: $6 million
Of all the topics for a scrawny dude like Baruchel to tackle on his first greenlit screenplay, hockey would not have been at the top of anyone's list. But along with Evan Goldberg (The Watch), he managed to adapt this true story, and do the sports comedy genre justice. It didn't perform very well in theaters, because hockey is not exactly an American fan-favorite—not as ignored as soccer, but not as much of a "crowd-pleaser" as golf. Regardless, critics found it to be hilarious and as violent, "harsh, nasty, and vulgar" as you'd expect a real hockey game to be.

Zoe Kazan | Ruby Sparks, writer
79% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 261 | Total Gross: $6 million
Joining the female writers ranks, Kazan cast herself and her real-life boyfriend Paul Dano to speak the words she put to paper, and Dano pulled some strings to get Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, the directing duo behind Little Miss Sunshine. Luckily, she was not overshadowed by the famous pair. Most critics were not only impressed with her writing, but her charm on-screen as well. There were a few, however, who cited the fact that the plot has been done before. Variety even likened it to "a Pinocchio story that spends too much time with Geppetto." One critic from Daily Star made the hilarious conclusion that Kazan cast herself as her real-life boyfriend's fantasy woman, as if to suggest some sort of trumped up vanity. But luckily, a vast majority of them understood that Kazan was attempting to question gender roles, misogyny, and the peculiar habit of both parties in a relationship trying to change each other. Pinocchio, this was not.

Seth McFarlane | Ted, director and co-writer
69% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 3,303 | Total Gross: $503 million
Mark Wahlberg talking to a bear for two hours would normally be referred to as career suicide, but when the idea came out of the mind of the man who created "Family Guy," it's considered brilliant. Well, to his fans anyway. A good majority of the critics, even the highbrow ones, gave into the crass antics of the immature duo, while others thought the joke got old quick. At this point, McFarlane's about one notch above Sacha Baron Cohen and Adam Sandler. As long as those two thrive, I don't imagine the haters will dissuade him much.

Rashida Jones | Celeste and Jesse Forever, co-writer
68% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 586 | Total Gross: $3 million
Being a Hollywood kid, the daughter of Quincy Jones, brands you as the benefactor of nepotism. Anything you do in life will be directly associated with how famous you were before you even did anything noteworthy. But ever since she held her own opposite John Krasinski on "The Office," boldly coming between one of television's most treasured will-they-or-won't-they couples, and becoming Amy Poehler's bff on "Parks and Recreation," Jones has developed enough respect to co-write her own script without garnering any audible groans from the peanut gallery. Classified as a "post-romantic comedy," her film was applauded for its "cliche-averse" plot and "superb central performances," one of which was given by the ever-surprising SNL alum Andy Samberg. The naysayers, however, were underwhelmed by the combination of "chick flick staples with bro humor," and found most of the attempts at soul-searching "inconsequential." Ouch. Makes me wonder what it would've been like if she wrote it on her own.

Jennifer Westfeldt | Friends with Kids, writer and director
67% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 640 | Total Gross: $12 million
While this may be Westfeldt's third screenplay, after the well-received Kissing Jessica Stein (2001), which she co-wrote, and her first solo script 2006's Ira & Abby, this film is her directorial debut. With the notoriety she gained from her short-lived ABC series "Notes from the Underbelly," and the new company her life partner Jon Hamm is keeping these days, she managed to pack her cast full with some well-known comedic faces: Adam Scott ("Parks and Recreation"), Maya Rudolph, Chris O'Dowd (Bridesmaids), and Kristen Wiig. While I believe that putting herself in the lead, turning the usually lovable Wiig and Hamm into a hateful pair, and the lackluster declaration of love in the end were the film's downfall, the unimpressed critics blamed it on its reductive portrayal of parenthood. Fortunately for her, a majority of them believed it was quick and smart, and were greatly charmed by its talented ensemble cast. I can't help but notice, though, that her RT score lowers with every film. Perhaps next time she should consider staying behind the camera completely.

Lauren Miller | For a Good Time Call…, co-writer
56% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 107 | Total Gross: $1 million
The pressure was on for future Mrs. Seth Rogen. Many wondered if she would be as funny as her fiancee or if the studio was just throwing her a bone to get into his good graces. Alas, the critics who enjoyed the film agreed that it was indeed a good time, chocked full of laughs and raunchy humor. But what they enjoyed most was the strong female friendship, and the performances of both Miller and her partner-in-smut Ari Graynor. The critics who dissed the film, however, found it to be the equivalent of a crappy sitcom that didn't live up to its title and was poorly contrived. Looks like Miller might have more of a future in acting than writing. Who knows? Maybe Rogen and Miller will be the next generation's Apatow and Mann. And if a little of his skill rubs off on her, she could get a second shot at it.

RZA | The Man with the Iron Fists, director and co-writer
50% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 1,872 | Total Gross: $19 million
Rapper-turned-actor is a title that is not usually associated with success. Rapper-turned-director, even less so. But RZA, a member of the infamous Wu-Tang Clan rap crew, which included Method Man, Ghostface Killah, and Ol' Dirty Bastard, has harbored a deep-seated appreciation for Asian culture, from their religions to their martial arts, for many decades. And he threw all of that passion into this film, tapping Russell Crowe and Lucy Liu to add credibility. Unfortunately, the haters thought it was a poor imitation with horrible acting, done mostly by him. And even the fans were shelling out backhanded compliments, saying it was the "best bad movie" they'd ever seen. The low box office returns—causing it to break even given its $15 million budget—and mixed reviews hasn't seemed to phase RZA. Having worked on this martial arts epic with Eli Roth (Hostel) for the last seven years, you'd think he'd pace himself once again. Not the case. He's already in pre-production to solely direct two 2014-set films, the crime drama No Man's Land, and the historical biopic Genghis Khan, penned by John Milius (Red Dawn and Apocalypse Now).

Matt Damon & John Krasinski | Promised Land…, co-writers
50% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 1,676 | Total Gross: $8 million
While this isn't either actor's first rodeo, given that Damon has already won an Oscar for writing Goodwill Hunting with his best buddy Ben Affleck, and Krasinski wrote and directed his first film, Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, in 2009, it is their first venture together. In conjunction with David Eggers (Away We Go), they wrote a script that Damon's buddy Gus Van Sant (Milk) directed. Despite all of the star power, most critics were unimpressed, citing a lackluster and unoriginal script for an already snooze-worthy topic.

Lena Dunham | Nobody Walks, co-writer
37% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 7 | Total Gross: $25,342
The creator, writer, and star of HBO's "Girls" has had quite the seminal year, what with a hit series, Judd Apatow as her mentor, and a book deal. One would imagine that anything she touched would turn to gold. Clearly no one noticed she touched this movie. Her first film, Tiny Furniture, which she wrote and directed on her own, had a cult-following and twice the critic appreciation than this one. In spite of its star-studded cast (John Krasinski, the indie vets Olivia Thirlby and Rosemarie DeWitt, newbie Jane Levy, the handsome Dylan McDermott, and the "Weeds" alum Justin Kirk), it hardly made a blip on anyone's radar. With critiques like Film.com's deduction that it was "...a self-important nightmare....shallow script and boring situations...Offensively boring.", one must wonder if they're grading her too harshly now that she raised the curve. And given the New York Times' rave review, one must also wonder if some are giving her an automatic A just for attendance. It'll be a cross she'll have to bear until her honeymoon phase with audiences is officially over.

Zoe Lister Jones | Lola Versus, co-writer
34% Rotten Tomatoes Score
Amount of Theaters: 52 | Total Gross: $252,603
This is not her first writing effort. She also co-wrote Breaking Upwards in 2009 with her boyfriend slash writing partner and director Daryl Wein. The most obvious difference between the two movies is that this time they cast fairly well-known indie actors instead of themselves in the lead role, making their film slightly more mainstream. Unfortunately, critics were not as kind to their sophomore effort. Their first film focused on a couple that were trying to orchestrate an amicable divorce. Critics were impressed with its realistic portrayal of modern love and New York City. This film, on the other hand, was a one-sided account of a breakup, where a jilted bride-to-be has to figure out who she is without her boyfriend, seeking comfort and advice in all the wrong places. But instead of being a high-minded introverted exploration, it was considered "a mopey, naval-gazing affair" of "wearisome quirk and smut," and the lead character was too "pathetic" to pity. Most critics, however, agreed that Greta Gerwig, the leading lady, was its only salvation. I didn't though. I don't get her appeal, and would've preferred Jones actually starring in the film, since she proved how captivating she can be in Stuck Between Stations. The duo's biggest mistake was not only giving all the good jokes to Jones' character, but making her a minor one.


*Grosses are rounded.