Rihanna lipsynched and tried to pop her booty like Beyonce, Nelly Furtado screeched with a pimped out vocally-strained Timbaland, and Kevin Federline was upstaged by his mini-me's, ultimately killing the performance when he finanlly appeared on stage. Although this Choice Awards sucked performance-wise, the awards themselves were actually the gems of the night.
Orlando Bloom and Jessica Alba were chosen as Choice Hotties. I think that's like Alba's 17th award for being hot. It's going to really suck when they stop giving those to her. She gave an award out with Wilmer Valderamma, who won best TV actor, because if it isn't Kelso (Ashton Kutcher) it's most definitely Fez who made that show. No one even gave a crap about Foreman (Topher Grace).
Meanwhile, Rachel Bilson wooped Mischa Barton's ass by taking home Best Drama TV actress, even though Barton took home Best TV Actress (which I'm sure was out of pity for her getting the wackest death on television).
Johnny Depp got Best Actor in a Drama/Action Adventure for Pirates of the Caribbean and Best Comedic Actor for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Ashley Olsen practically lunged to "congratulate" him.
As usual, Adam Sandler picked up his Best Comedian award.
Brooke Hogan, singer and daughter of Hulk Hogan, won Choice Grill. Most certainly the only time she'll ever get to grace the stage for an "honor."
The kids from High School Musical won best TV Comedy/Musical and Zac Efron won Breakout TV Star, while he and his co-star Vannessa Anne Hudgens won Best TV chemistry, which I'm sure was steamier than Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anniston's Best Film Chemistry in The Breakup.
It really must've been a slow year, since Jessica Simpson won Breakout Actress for Dukes of Hazzard. Barely anyone saw that. Must've been the perverted male teen votes.
Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, the oldest couple in the cast of Best Liplock, actually won. Then he comicly attempted to score another liplock in front of a room full of minors.
Fall Out Boy won for Best Single, Best Rock Track, and Best Rock Group and I guess I have to admit I still listen to "Dance, Dance."
Rihanna's Best R&B Artist and Female Breakout Artist awards should've been revoked after she lipsynched on stage, just as Nelly Furtado's Best R&B/Hip Hop Track and Song of the Summer awards should've been snatched by her poor performance.
Somehow Nich Lachey went home with Best Male Red Carpet Fashion Icon and Best Love Song for "What's Left of me." That's more of an insanely depressing song than a romantic ballad and as for his style, wearing a t-shirt and jeans doesn't make you Marc Jacobs. I don't even think he can point Marc Jacobs out on the red carpet.
Although it must've been an honor to get the award for Best TV Personality, the coolest thing that Ashton Kutcher did was present the Courage Award to an autistic basketball player Jason McElwain. The world told him he'd have to be below average for the rest of his life, watching basketball instead of playing it. So he settled for writing plays for the team. Championship game night, four mintues on the score board, coach decides to let "the disabled" kid have some fun. McElwain scored 6 three-pointers IN A ROW, pretty much telling the world to kiss his "below average" ass. Recorded for McElwain was Carmelo Anthony and LeBron James (2 of the youngest and most accomplished players of the NBA) attempting his achievement and they failed. That, by far, was the best moment of the night...then Kevin Federline had to ruin it with his over-exploited presence.
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