FILM REVIEW: Disturbia

****

Know that I’m just coming off the high that was Disturbia, so this might be a tad over exaggerated. Whatevers. So, I nearly killed my best friend grabbing her arm and shaking her around every time I got scared by that pasty, scary son of a bitch David Morse, who was terrorizing Shia Labeouf and his friends in some burb out in bumble fuck. Shia’s character, Kale, lives in this quintessential suburban town, the kind that "Desperate Housewives" spoofs. One neighbor is screwing the maid; another is oblivious to her four horny preteens; another finds solace on her rooftop away from her soon-to-be divorced parents; and then there’s the crusty lothario luring party girls back to his white picket fence to get tagged and bagged and shoved into the walls of his basement. How very Texas Chainsaw Massacre of him. So who’s the head of the neighborhood watch? Well, Kale suffered a family tragedy that he accidentally causes and some asshole Spanish teacher decides it would be kosher to rub his face in it. So, Kale returns the favor with his fist. I think that’s fitting. So, from the get-go you—and the rebellious angst-ridden teenager within you—are rooting for this poor house-arrested bastard. When his mom takes away the X-box, iTunes, and the TV, you are practically bleeding for him. Although the transition from him finding extracurricular activities to do to spying on his neighbors isn’t well scripted, you do get into it once the pieces of the mystery start making sense. The friendship between Kale and his best bud Ronnie (Aaron Yoo) is genuine, and his semi-sleazy obsession with the girl next door (Sarah Roemer)—who looks nothing like any girl who lives next door to you—is played out as realistic as a movie can get. The ultimate profession of love was kind of weak, but then again he isn’t a poet. This film is equal parts comedy and suspense. When it doesn’t have you embedding nail marks in your arm rest—or your friend’s arm in my case—it’ll have you laughing at its accurate portrayal of the teenage psyche. I most certainly recommend this for both genders—it really isn’t that scary ladies—and for all ages 12 and up. Oh, and if you decide to pick up a pair of binoculars and stare out your window for a couple of hours after watching this movie…try not to get caught.

Side note: Yes, I know the movie was based on Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window. Nobody can beat out Jimmy Stewart's comic timing or dramatic acting, but that's the point of a remake; not everything is supposed to be the same.