NEW MOVIES: 6/8

OCEAN'S THIRTEEN


Ah, the boys are back. There are many tidbits about the production of the Ocean's films that are well-known, from the on set comradery to the catty leading ladies. But the one story that's making the media-rounds is how much the second one sucked (ass). From the first's 2001 $183.4 mil take, it took a considerable blow with the sequel in 2004, only swiping $125.5 mil. Most complaints were of how pointless the plot seemed and how they were just trying to make a buck. However, I did enjoy the clever sleuth gymnastics of their European enemy and the baseball cap double cross revealed in the end. (The Red Sox suck Damon. Get over it.) Whereas Spiderman 2 is being hailed as better than the 3rd, like Pirates, Ocean's Thirteen doesn't have much to live up to. One could say, if they were smart, they'd reinvent the whole idea instead of revisiting the original's dynamic. But since we bitched and moaned about how much better the first was, they've rehashed it. Location: Las Vegas. Enemy: Willie Bank, cocky casino owner (Al Pacino). Easy target: Bank's hot assisstant (Ellen Barkin). Plot: Bank tries to snuff out Reuben (Elliot Gould) and the boys must retaliate. Their plan is to make his casino lose BIG, hitting him from all sides. So, expect a lot of caricatures. But, unless they pull out all the stops--and I don't mean making Damon into a bumbling half-assed seducer with a Pinocchio schnoz--then this'll fall flatter than the second, barely grazing the $100 million dollar mark.


SURF'S UP

Generations before us have never seen so many penguins in their life. This animated flick takes a break from all that ice and winter bluster, and brings us to tropical sandy beaches where a teenage penguin is followed by a reality TV show as he competes in a surfing competition. Not that it's necessary, but there are some pretty funny people behind these voices: John Heder, Mario Cantone, Shia Labeouf, and Zooey Deschanel. This'll be Labeouf's 2nd Hollywood-type debut and if he sails through this without a blemish--since the penguin schtick is officially boring children so much they're interested in how penguin meat tastes--he just might not get bashed when Transformers and Indiana Jones 4 come out.


HOSTEL: PART II

Enough with the cutesy shit right? Let's get to the gore. I'm on board with Mr. Moviefone--who voiced his concerns on Z100 this morning--anyone who watches this film is deeply disturbed. Then again, identifying with talking penguins isn't exactly normal either. So, since I'm not a huge fan of horror:
Here's the plot: "While studying art in Rome for the summer, three young American women are lured away to a Slovakian hostel by a model from their class. Soon they will experience the grim reality their weekend getaway has in store."
Here's the cast: Jay Hernandez ("Six Degrees"), Bijou Phillips (celebutard), Stanislav Ianevski (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire), Roger Bart ("Desperate Housewives"), and Heather Matarazzo (Princess Diaries).
Here are critiques: Rottentomatoes, NYT, and EW.