FILM: New to the Box Office - 8/3/07

BOURNE ULTIMATUM

All week newspapers and blogs have been comparing Jason Bourne to the new James Bond, trying to determine who's more bad ass. I think the fact that Bourne doesn't have a theme song or a signature drink makes him the more masculine choice--if that's the defining factor. But overall, Bourne's ambition is more courageous and relatable than Bond's "save the world" agenda. Not to mention, Matt Damon is certainly hotter than Daniel Craig. In this "last" installment to the Bourne trilogies, Jason forgoes the defense tactic and goes completely on the offensive in that "I'm stalking you" (and not in a hot way) manner. Although I'm sure Joan Allen (The Upside of Anger), the bitch who heads the agency that "made" him, doesn't mind. Julia Stiles takes a break from making movies nobody watches and acts as Bourne's new sidekick--by default of course. She's the gov't snitch who provides all the intel. By far the coolest addition to the cast is Edgar Ramirez, who I believe plays an agent who has to track Bourne. He was in Domino as the sexy Choco. He's a lot more clean cut in this film, but that doesn't stunt the fire in this 30-year-old Venezuelan's eyes. Head to theaters for what's sure to be one of the coolest action films of the summer.

HOT ROD

Needless to say, this movie about a guy who wants to prove to his step father that he has balls by jumping over 15 school buses hasn't been getting a lot of good buzz. I mean, there isn't exactly a Knocked Up-type fan club. But a female critic from the Los Angeles Times did say: "Chock-full of references to bad teen movies from the '80s and saturated with sarcasm, Hot Rod is a cheekily fun sendup of Gen X iconography," sooo...she must really like Andy Samberg ("SNL"). You'll have to in order to watch this movie. Mr. Moviefone told Z100 listeners this morning that they'd have to be high and chomping down on some serious munchies in order to endure this flick. With Will Arnett (Blades of Glory) playing shot gun yet again and Isla Fisher (Wedding Crashers) playing the love interest, you'd expect at least one or two big laughs. The trailer shows a lot of slapstick-driven stunts, but I'd hate to think we were a nation of people who laugh when someone falls down (even though we are). It shoots for Napoleon Dynamite-Talladega Nights humor, but ends up looking like a made-for-MTV teen flick.

BECOMING JANE

I know what you're thinking: "GOD! Another Jane Austen movie?!" Technically, it's her biopic dating back to before she wrote all of those ridiculously long and somewhat tedious tales of frigid women who ultimately fall in love with men they initially loathed with every fiber of their being. Now you'll meet her muse, the Irishman she fell in love with (James McAvoy, King of Scotland), despite her efforts to not follow the tradition of being signed up for marital slavery. Anne Hathaway seems to be a perfect incarnation of the wise lady and the film should be chocked full of anticipation and romantic gestures. So if you're looking for a little less wam-bam-thank-you-Bourne, cuddle up with a BFF and live vicariously through Jane.

EL CANTANTE

If you're up for a romantic biopic that's infused with the beautiful music of my Latino people, then you'll probably enjoy this intense love story about how music and drugs tested the bond between the famous salsa singer Hector Lavoe and his wife Puchi. Many critics are disappointed by the directing, but thoroughly impressed by Marc Anthony's musical performances when channeling Lavoe. Other critics credit the return of a Jennifer Lopez with talent, a throwback to her Selena and Out of Sight days.

BRATZ

Um, so like the Bratz dolls have totally come to life and they're like totally going to high school and this super bitch is totally trying to make them split up and join opposing cliques. But there's no way Sasha, Jade, Yasmin, and Chloe are going to let that happen. Girl power to the max! *Clears throat* You might lose brain cells just by watching the trailer. I fear for the welfare of my unborn children if this is the best that girls can do. Cute boy alert! (Let's be honest. It's the only reason teenagers with a GPA over 3.0 watch.) Ian Nelson ("7th Heaven") and Stephen Lunsford ("Unfabulous") are the resident hotties in this flick. So if you really don't have anything to do and heckling in a theater full of preteens is your idea of a Friday night, splurge.


THE TEN

Paul Rudd is like the wise sensei of the Frat Pack. So naturally he would be the narrator to this comedic indie about the ten commandments and how our generation is breaking them. It's an ensemble cast full of stars--like Jessica Alba, Winona Ryder, Adam Brody, Famke Janssen, Liev Schrieber--and nobodies. Besides the repetitive mention of male genitalia, it should make for a few good laughs...if you remember what the ten commandments are. Hmm I wonder which one Winona breaks?


UNDERDOG

There's no need to fear, Underdog is here! It's a movie about a dog that can fly and speak and lift heavy objects after a scientific experiment gone wrong. So he decides to put all of that together and become...a superhero. Does it surprise you that Underdog was cooked up in the 60s...probably in a meth lab. Little boys and overgrown men who wish their dogs would do more than just roll over or eat their weight in bacon will probably love this movie.