"Samantha Who?" (April 7)
Sam and her bff Andrea will start competing for their hot boss's attention. Who's the hot boss in question? Timothy Olyphant of Hitman, Live Free or Die Hard, and Catch and Release.
Shocking news: Sam will be moving in with her boyfriend Todd...and his girlfriend.
"30 Rock" (April 10)
Will Arnett will return as the thorn in Jack's side and get married to their boss's daughter, despite his super gayness. There will be a bachelor party episode that I'm sure will have some seriously questionable antics. Liz's exes--Dennis, the beeper guy, and Floyd, the guy who moved to Ohio--will both return to shake things up in her life...
Shocking news: ...and give her a pregnancy scare. Who's the daddy?
"Scrubs" (April 10)
Dr. Cox gets promoted. Zach Braff will direct a Princess Bride homage episode where the actors will act out a fairytale that Cox reads to his kid.
Shocking news: Somebody gets fired. Since Cox gets promoted, I'm assuming its Dr. Kelso.
"Desperate Housewives" (April 13)
Bree and her nemesis, Katherine, will be starting a catering business together and at some point Bree will poison her. You'll learn what happened to Katherine's previous husband (Gary Cole from "The West Wing"), why her daughter doesn't remember the neighborhood, and what was on that note she burned. Bree will continue living with Susan, and Orson will eventually admit to running Mike over. Susan's cousin, played by Chris Carmack ("The O.C."), will help her with Mike's rehab issues. Carlos, who is permanently blind, will trick Gabrielle into remarrying him. Something happens to Rick, the man who almost seduced Lynette, and Tom might be to blame. The ladies will be even bitchier to Edie, when they start to believe that she's having an affair with one of their husbands. The 2hr finale will have a huge twist.
Shocking news: What could be more shocking than all that? The series will end after 3 more seasons.
"Bones" (April 14)
Obviously after the mistletoe kiss, they're going to act weird around each other. But the fact that there'll be episodes where they have to take care of a baby and Brennan ends up singing, won't help alleviate the tension.
Shocking news: They'll reveal the Gormogon/Gorgamon killer's identity and it might not be Dr. Sweets.
"Back to You" (April 16)
Suzy Nakamura ("Help Me Help You") will play the new owner of the station. Chuck will buy a house and...
Shocking news: ...tell Gracie he's her dad.
"Brothers & Sisters" (April 20)
Isaac and Nora will be moving pretty quickly in their relationship, as will Kevin and Scotty. Kitty and Robert will continue to try to have a baby and Robert will wrap up his presidential story line.
Shocking news: They will reveal if Rebecca is really a Walker or if she's actually related to her mom's ex-boyfriend. The answer will stir up even more trouble.
"Gossip Girl" (April 21)
As I've reported before, Blair and Jenny will go head to head. But contrary to previous news, Jenny and Nate will be somewhat romantically involved after all. She'll try to seduce him, but...
Shocking news: ...he'll start liking Vanessa instead. Meanwhile, Georgina Sparks (Michelle Trachtenberg) will reveal the REAL reason Serena left town! OMG!
"Ugly Betty" (April 24)
Betty, Henry, and Gio will still be in a love triangle. And there will be a Meade publications softball game. That might sound weird, but magazine publishing companies actually have morale-building sporting functions all the time. Although I doubt Meade will be building anyone's morale.
Shocking news: Wilhelmina will return to Mode (probably because she succeeds in "birthing" a Meade through Christina).
"Grey's Anatomy" (April 24)
The Chief will start to mentor George to get him back to the guy he used to be. Ava will stick around in Alex's life for 3 more episodes. Addison will be returning for an episode to perform a surgery (and I hope to give romantic advice to all three of her exes: McDreamy, McSteamy, and McGrumpy--Alex).
Shocking news: Rose will be in all 5 episodes, but Meredith and McDreamy will inevitably take the next step in their relationship.
"Moonlight" (April 25)
Mick is temporarily human and Beth is going to be a nitwit and probably forgo jumping his bones.
Shocking news: There'll be a lot more vampire interaction with people who blend into everyday life, buying blood instead of murdering for it.
ALREADY BACK...
"How I Met Your Mother"
One of Barney's exes is stalking him and the gang has to figure out which one. There will be an emotional season finale cliffhanger.
Shocking News: You will hear the breakup ballad that Robin recorded when she was a pop singer with the last name Sparkles. Laugh at...I mean, listen to her first single: "Let's go to the Mall."
"Smallville"
Tom Welling will direct the 150th episode broadcasting on May 1st, where he'll go up against Brainiac one last time.
Shocking News: A main character dies, which will start an even greater war between Clark and Lex. (This is the show that needs an end date. Geesh.)
"Reaper"
Sam's on the hunt to find the missing pages of his soul contract as he tries to get from under the devil's thumb.
Shocking News: Sam will stumble upon a few other fallen angels. (I could've sworn the devil was the only one.)
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