I don't know what was more shocking last night? The fact that Bart Bass actually apologized to Chuck for neglecting him after Dan revealed Chuck's insecurities to him--no doubt setting up an emotional moment to reminisce about once he's dead--or the fact that it was the one year anniversary of Blair losing her virginity and there was no Chuck in sight. Honestly, if he was that in love with her, he wouldn't have missed the opportunity to commemorate the evening that began their love-hate relationship. Even Blair was more preoccupied with throwing herself a "grownup" 18th birthday party, discouraging Serena to entertain a future with a fickle artist, and attempting to derail her mother's affections for a decrepit, stumpy, old man. As B said, "I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny Devito." While her b-day went off without a hitch and she was dead-on about Aaron and his polygamous ways, she turned out to be no match for her mother's beau. They had some quirky warm moment where she approved of his devious methods--getting Cyndi Lauper to perform at her party--to get past her, resulting in the statement: "I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday and instead I got a conscience." However, she didn't count on him moving in, which seemed to disgust her more than the idea of ever having to settle for a guy like him in the future.
Meanwhile, Jenny moved in with Agnes, and Rufus struck a deal with Agnes' mom to keep an eye on her. I'm not sure why he trusted her, since she wasn't doing such a great job with her own kid, but somehow she proved to be helpful. After Agnes continued to pick fights in front of investors and flake on meetings, Jenny tried to get signed on her own. Agnes freaked and burned all of her designs--the clothes, not the sketches, so she should be fine. Unfortunately, she needs parental consent. Since her mom wouldn't sign, she tried to get her dad to do it, but he refused to give in to her demands. Dan was right though, he was just being stubborn. It's the Humphrey-way to always think of yourself in the right above everyone else, which would explain why Dan decided, at the last minute, not to expose Bart's dark secret after Chuck practically broke down in tears while begging him not to. The secret of how Bart turned to arson in order to gain a profit and launch his business became even juicier when he admitted to a man dying in the fire. It's obvious Dan isn't Gossip Girl--if you ever wondered--cause there's no way she would've passed on that scoop. (On a side note: I think the Bass's owe him a recommendation to Yale, since I doubt his mentor will be giving it to him after flaking on the New York magazine expose he signed up for.)
Does anyone else think Bart's excuse for neglecting Chuck was lame? He rejected his box-seats season pass tickets to his favorite sport (hockey, of all things) because he reminds him of his beautiful silent-movie-esque wife? That's pretty pathetic. And he didn't catch what damage it was doing to his son, the pot-smoking, drug-abusing, sexually harassing mini version of him? Really?
At least he can boast being smarter than Serena. I don't think she's an idiot for assuming Aaron wasn't seeing other people. I think she's an idiot for falling for his "let's be free spirits and do whatever comes naturally" schpiel like it was gospel. Like B's new daddy would say, "That's not enough!" Serena van der Woodsen doesn't settle for second (or third, or fourth) best. She's accustomed to being worshiped, not penciled-in. You don't become the queen by joining the harem sweetie. Has B taught you nothing?