Saturday, September 14, 2013

TV TOPIC: Where Are They Now?: "Gossip Girl" Cast

xoxo, Gossip Girl. I know you miss that sign-off as much as I do, along with the backstabbing, the pithy one-liners, and the incongruent storylines. How did ABC Family become the go-to channel for good teen soaps? It's a travesty. Alas, let us not dwell on the past and instead look on to the future. What are these bas(s)tards and entitled bitches up to these days?
Penn Badgley - Dan Humphrey
The once self-important original hipster has been rather busy impressing critics with his starring role in the musical biopic Greetings from Tim Buckley. He recently completed the dramatic romance Parts Per Billion alongside Teresa Palmer (Warm Bodies), Rosario Dawson, Josh Hartnett, and, another CW grad, Alexis Bledel. Currently, however, he's filming the modern adaptation of the Shakespeare play Cymbeline with Dakota Johnson, Milla Jovovich, Ethan Hawke, and Anton Yelchin.

Penn Badgley's hair  - Dan Humphrey's mop
It's still attached to his head, in spite of a false alarm on January 3, 2013 when it was shaved off, and sometimes it spreads to his face.
Blake Lively - Serena van der Woodsen
Projected as being the most likely to succeed post-cancellation, Lively has actually faded out of the spotlight as she's settling into married life with her hubbie Ryan Reynolds, and presumably trying to start a family. Before checking out though, she managed to film the poorly-received superhero flick Green Lantern, the critically massacred indie drama Hick, and the fairly decent Oliver Stone crime drama Savages. At least now she has a varied resume to return with.
Leighton Meester - Blair Waldorf
The Queen B, Julie Cooper reincarnated, will be sorely missed by gif creators and quote-tweeters alike. Unfortunately, aside from her babysitter role in Date Night, Meester has been unfairly typecast in many films as the resident bitch. She flipped out on Justin Long in Going the Distance, pre-judged Garrett Hedlund in Country Strong, stalked Minka Kelly in The Roommate, openly criticized Selena Gomez in Monte Carlo, and unapologetically cheated on Andy Samberg in That's My Boy. Girl either needs a new agent or a little more confidence in her ability to do more than be snide and obnoxious. Thankfully, she's not short on roles. She recently wrapped the crime drama God Only Knows with Harvey Keitel and Ben Barnes, the indie comedy Any Tom, Dick, or Harry, and the female buddy comedy Life Partners. And currently, she is filming the drama The Judge with Robert Downey, Jr. and Vera Farmiga, while dating Adam Brody, yet another actor made famous by Josh Schwartz.
Ed Westwick - Chuck Bass
His non-GG work has been spotty at best. The only thing I can remember him in is the British rom-com Chalet Girl that introduced me to the intrepid Felicity Jones (Like Crazy). But I'm not surprised he's not popping up everywhere. He's a very odd bird. He sounds like one of those grimy bastards in a Guy Ritchie caper, but looks like a villain straight out of "The Tudors." And did I mention that he just oozes sex appeal? Ha! If you're starting to get the shakes, remiss to remember the last time you heard him fervently exclaim "I'm Chuck Bass!," fret not. He'll be in the latest adaptation of Romeo and Juliet this Fall. At the moment, however, he's shooting the horror comedy Kitchen Sink with Vanessa Hudgens, and soon he'll work on the Anthony Bourdain mystery drama Bone In The Throat.

Chace Crawford - Nate Archibald
Crawford, who first appeared on the scene in the male witch teen movie The Covenant, has been in a range of films: horror (The Haunting of Molly Hartley), dramatic thriller (Twelve), dramedy (Peace, Love, and Misunderstanding), and rom-com (What to Expect When You're Expecting). I wouldn't say he's found his niche quite yet or that he's gotten any better, but now that he permanently scarred his lip, I think he's due for a makeover. Maybe it'll get him more slash better roles. In the mean time, he just signed onto the rom-com Responsible Adults opposite Katie Holmes.

Taylor Momsen - Jenny Humphrey
Taylor. Taylor. Taylor. America's SweetheartAngry Teenager. She quit acting to be the lead singer in the grunge rock band The Pretty Reckless. So far she's toured with Evanescence and Marilyn Manson. While she's yet to make it big, at least she hasn't resorted to blatant fame-whoring yet.

Connor Paolo - Eric van der Woodsen
Paolo's character thankfully died on ABC's "Revenge" last season. Fans were so eager for his departure that if they could crawl through the screen and kill him themselves, they would've tried. It was a deep-seated hatred that I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe it was the fact that he had the only blue collar accent on the show or that him and his girlfriend were the whiniest version of Romeo and Juliet in the history of their re-imagining. Anyway, he's found a friend in the well-known shock photographer Tyler Shields (baby Terry Richardson), and he'll be starring in his directorial debut, the thriller Outlaw.

Jessica Szhor - Vanessa Abrams
As the most hated character on the series, simply for liking Dan more than anyone else, Szhor had a tough time building a fanbase. And she doesn't seem to be having any luck off set either, but that hasn't stopped casting agents from putting her in their films. She appeared in the comedy The Internship this summer. She just completed the rom-dramedy Light Years with Chris Lowell, the crime thriller 10 Cent Pistol with Jenna Malone, and the rom-com Two Night Stand with Miles Teller, Analeigh Tipton (Warm Bodies), and Leven Rambin (Percy Jackson 2). And currently, she's filming the drama The Life with Jerry Ferrara ("Entourage").
Michelle Tratchenberg - Georgina Sparks
This kid has had like a million rebirths. She went from being Harriet the Spy to Buffy the Vampire Slayer's little sister to the gloriously evil ultimate Mean Girl. Therefore, I am not worried about her. I will disregard next year's thriller The Scribbler that she filmed with Katie Cassidy and Eliza Dushku, and mentally pat her on the back for playing the wife of Lee Harvey Oswald in the National Geographic Channel's made-for-TV movie "Killing Kennedy," starring Robe Lowe and Ginnifer Goodwin. Why? Because another rebirth is surely around the corner, and I look forward to seeing what she does next.

Desmond Harrington - Jack Bass
Yet another sexy beast from the Bass family tree, Harrington has been double-dipping for years, hopping from GG to "Dexter," playing slightly different roles. I wonder if he's freaking now that "Dexter" is coming to an end as well. If I were producers I'd grab him up ASAP, throwing him in everything: as an opponent for John on "Person of Interest," rising leader on "Revolution," serial-killing protege on "The Following," or some historical gangster on "Boardwalk Empire." All I'm asking is that he doesn't go soft. Look at that face. That's a fighter, not a lover.

As for the guest stars...

Sebastian Stan (Carter Baizen) might just get his official big break next Spring when he reprises his role as Steve Rogers's best friend slash the title villain in Captain America: The Winter SoldierAmanda Setton (Penelope) had a supporting role on "The Mindy Project" for a while, but this Fall she'll be on the CBS sitcom "The Crazy Ones" with Robin Williams and Sarah Michelle Gellar. And Ella Rae Peck (Lola/Charlie) landed her own series, the NBC family comedy "Welcome to the Family."

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