TV: Last week on the tube...

Funny lines and interesting or annoying plot points of the week:

Bones
It seemed like Zack was acting out of character when he called himself "King of the Lab." But Sweets was acting the most bizarre, making viewers think he could be serial killer Gormogon with his creepy staring. Especially when he was alone with Hodgins--some viewers thought he was trying to make him his apprentice. Even though the crimes in this show are interesting, the best part is always the witty repartee and playful banter. However, sometimes they lose me. Booth says he knows Latin because he was an altar boy. I was an altar girl like 2 years ago and I definitely didn't learn that. My favorite line is when Zack explains how quickly they have to disarm a box and Cam says, "Exactly how far back should I be standing?" This is how much trepidation I feel towards everything they do. Even though there was a car explosion with a teeth bomb, my favorite part is when Temperance kisses Booth on the cheek and he looks like he's trying really hard not to react. Can't wait for this week's mistletoe kiss.

Heroes
It was very interesting to learn that Elle was turned into what she is by her father.

Rules of Engagement
Usually Russell is the funny one, but in this episode the best line was spouted by Adam. His mom was preaching about global warming and she says, "Who's going to help the polar bear?" And he responds, "Not the black bear. They're all like 'Take that whitey.'" Crass, but funny.

Samantha, who?
I swear these ladies are hilarious. Andrea was jealous of Sam because she has a food allergy, believing it to be the equivalent of an easy diet. Her mom admitted to putting Sam's trampoline under a beehive when she was little in order to prevent her from jumping too high. And if that's not wicked enough, when Sam goes to a psychic and manifests a memory of being adopted, her mom says, "You let people fill your head with ideas, like when the guidance counselor told you you were gifted." So wrong. My favorite line, however, was when Sam described why she was afraid of riding in elevators before she kicked the habit, "It's like riding in a coffin falling down a mine shaft." It's a good thing I live 20 floors up.

Chuck
I'm glad Chuck neatly wrapped up his relationship with Lou (even though that means Rachel Bilson is out) and that Sarah finally admitted her feelings in an impassioned kiss inspired by a near death experience. It was also priceless when Sarah frazzled the Indian kid by straddling him on the fast food counter and when Morgan jumped Anna in the media room. But the best part of this episode was when Casey verbally noted Sarah's pattern of falling for the guys she works with and firmly rejected her in case she had any ideas about them hooking up. Hilarious. Now all we have to do is get Casey to off that cock-blocking buzz kill Bryce...again.

Aliens in America
The whole bit where the dad adopted a new family that needed him more than his own was almost as hilarious as Raj busting a move in a mascot costume. But the funniest part was actually when there was a flashback to when Justin asks his dad about sex, saying: "How many times is too many times to masturbate? Do they make a special bandage for down there?" Very good questions I have to say.

Two and a half Men
Seriously, funniest line of their season: Charlie defends why he slept with Allen's secretary, crossing a barrier, saying "If you paid her a decent salary, she wouldn't have to hook."

Private Practice
This episode was baby-baby-baby. It had Addison so batty she nicknamed a baby she found Batgirl, and then Naomi comically confirmed that she shouldn't be allowed to have kids. I second that motion.

Grey's Anatomy
I knew from the moment I saw the cute Spanish medic that he was going to be a main character in this episode. I could not stop crying when he said his last comforting words to his bff and when his wife said her last goodbyes. Seth Green guest-starred with the most disgusting ailment and a charming attempt at trying to bed Lexie. And Miranda comes face to face with what seemed to be her first racist--some jackass with a huge Swastika on his stomach. So she officially deemed that no one was allowed to call her the Nazi anymore. (That had to be a forums request that the writers were listening to.) Even though Derek flirted some more with nurse-lady, Alex got caught between Lexie and Ava, George seems to be sleep-walking his way through life, and McSteamy is still trying his best at hooking Erica, the termination of the Nazi-nickname was honestly the only interesting part of this cliff hanger episode. It probably would've been more interesting if Christina was hurt in the ambulance accident and Izzie had to save her since she's so jealous of her relationship with Meredith and she feels the need to prove herself to Christina all the time.

K-Ville
This week we learn that some people who receive FEMA aid use it for plastic surgery--and it's known as FEMA-plasty--and babies lost in the storm were adopted even though their parents might still be looking for them. A guy is reunited with his daughter and the most beautiful part of the last scene was when the little girl asks, "Why aren't you in heaven?" and her dad said, "God sent me back for you." When he starts crying, she says, "You're still wet from the [Katrina] rain." And that's pretty much the time I broke down and cried.

Pushing Daisies
Usually these characters beat around the bush when it comes to sex (no pun intended), so I was excited to learn whether or not Ned had had girlfriends before. And apparently so was Emerson, who said, "I must admit I am curious. Hell, before dead girl came along I didn't know what you liked or if you liked and if you had anything to like with. For all I know you could've been one of those people who was born with both, but didn't use either." Very well put. It seems Charlotte's been hanging out with Emerson a little too much. She kept sounding like a black girl throughout the episode saying things like, "Don't make me cut a bitch," "Oh no they didn't, " and "Sumptin stuck in dair." Meanwhile, Ned somehow managed to get weirder, saying "You know how when you're a guest and you're bored, and you go into the bathroom and read through the magazines and rummage through medicine cabinet and look in the closets and look under the bed and you find something you were never meant to see?" Yeah, no.

Dirty Sexy Money
Jeremy was the most interesting part of this episode. He was trying to bag a hot Spanish girl. When he tried to get advice from his chauffeur on how to be poor--that's right, poor--so he could win her with his charm and personality instead of his bank account, good old Jeremy showed that he seriously has no tact. Favorite line from his whole "you're the spokesperson for poverty" schpiel was: "I don't know what's going on with the whole silent movie mustache, but it seems pretty poverty related."

Ugly Betty
The exchanges between Mark and Wilhelmina are always quite entertaining. But it's especially entertaining when Mark praises her for her malevolence in a way that people who hate her can enjoy. Wilhelmina plans to get start-up money for her new magazine and at the mention of her father Mark laughs. "What's that smirk for?" she says. "It's just that you have a father. I've always imagined you rising out of a cauldron or born of a jackal," he squealed. Exactly what I was thinking.