Funny lines and interesting or annoying plot points of the week:
Gossip Girl
I was bummed that Chuck only made text and image cameos in this episode, but it turns out he was filming the horror movie 100 Feet with Famke Janssen during production. Nonetheless, he taunted Blair from a distance with threats to tell Nathan every sordid detail while they tanned in Monaco. My personal favorite text: "How'd you fake your virginity for N?" Like Nate would know the difference. Where Chuck left off, Blair picked up the slack. The funniest meanp-spirited quips were at Dan's expense, claiming he deserved cheap gifts because he's low class. Her real wrath, however, was directed towards Ramon, her father's lover and mom's ex-bff. She went from tripping him while ice skating to sicking his seductive ex-boyfriend on him at her mom's holiday party. But when she wasn't trying to get rid of Ramon, she was threatening Vanessa to back off of Dan. I can't wait till Vanessa punches that bitch in the face. Speaking of which, it astounds me that Serena and Dan remain together despite the fact that they have not one thing in common or one topic to speak of.
Vanessa, or V as Dan uncharacteristically referred to her (It's only cute when B and S do it--and secretly funny because one's a bitch and the other's a slut), entered Dan into a New Yorker essay contest and he won the prize of being published. What did Serena get him? An overpriced watch. It turns out, however, all Dan really wanted was snow for Christmas. So Vanessa ingeniously came up with the idea to project snow onto the walls of a storage room and place a mattress in the center for...I have no freaking idea. In the end, Dan's gift was a roll in the hay. Merry friggin Christmas. Oh, what did moneybags Dan give Serena? A stolen Christmas tree with a huge bow on top that he snuck into the building--which prohibited trees--with the help of his sister and Lily. It's nice of Lily to spare some time from her busy schedule of breaking Rufus' heart, after he and his wife decided to get a divorce, by pretending that her and Bass Sr. were getting super serious. I guess she jinxed herself, because right after Serena and Justin hilariously trembled at the idea of Chuck living in the same house as them and Bass Sr. being their stepdad saying, "He only has one facial expression. He scares me," good old Bass Sr. proposes. However, no rock is big enough to top Rufus' amazing gesture of walking all the way from Brooklyn to Manhattan without a coat during a snow storm to tell Lily that he misses her--albeit on her voicemail--not even when Ramon got Blair's mom a new boyfriend or when Blair got her maid a cellphone so they can text each other like the bffs we never knew they were.
I foresee several budding romances in the new year, in spite of the preview for two upcoming episodes where the teens must bind together against the principal who's accusing them of doing something surely one of them isn't fessing up to. Because Dan is whining about this going on his pristine record that'll be examined by Ivy Leagues, I bet money Serena takes the blame. And it would surely be entertaining if Nate pretends she was covering for him, proving that he's not over her yet. As for who did it...I bet Gossip Girl knows.
October Road
Nick was depressed due to his latest rejection from Hannah. So he decided to go on a "girl vacation," asking his dad: "Do you know what a girl vacation is?" Naturally, his father responds, "Prison?" It was a super short vacay since he fell right back into bed with Aubrey, completely oblivious that his little bro Ronnie is absolutely infatuated with her. Meanwhile, Physical Phil shows his girlfriend the beautiful car he refurbished and nicknamed Clouse, which inspired her to encourage him to drive it around the block. Unfortunately, it stalled and he froze, so she had to push it all the way back to the house with him at the wheel. The highlight of the episode, however, was when Hannah slugged Big Cat's ex-wife for mocking her profession (veterinarian's assistant) and calling her son a bastard. Honestly, I would've pushed her into on-coming traffic.
How I Met Your Mother
In this episode, we get a flashback to when Barney commissioned himself Marshall's best man so he could throw him a wild bachelor party. In spite of his selfishness, he was considerate enough to ask for criteria. For example, "Quick question. Prosthetic arm: is that a deal breaker? Before you say no, it has attachments." He's even gross when he's describing random girls: "Fifteen, like in black jack." "As in...not really sure whether or not you'd hit it?" elaborates Tedd. "Exactly," confirms Barney. Super classy.
Since there's nothing on the tube this week, indulge in some TV specials like TBS's "Funniest Commercials of the Year: 2007" at 9pm on Wednesday and rent new releases like Easter Promises, The Simpsons, and The Brothers Solomon.
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