TV Highlights: Judy Blume on "30 Rock," Sayid on "Lost," Piven on "Ugly Betty," and Riggins on "FNL"

30 ROCK
Liz started ranting after Jack rejected her public displays of friendship during a company retreat, quoting some embarrassing moments from her child: "Nooooo, I'll come over after prom and we'll make nachos." Jack was so annoyed that she wasn't understanding why he needed to distance himself from her that he said: "Lemon, this is a part of our problem. I give you a simple managerial suggestion in a professional context and I get back the second half of a Judy Blume novel." No he just didn't.

LOST
I realize there were several notable moments, but this isn't your one-stop-Lost-shop. Despite all the mind-blowing time travel, creepy Sun moments, and funny Hurley dialogue, I honestly thought the coolest thing that happened involved a character who was barely conscious for 90% of the 2-hr premiere. Sayid assaulted a guy while he was fighting off the effects of something he was injected with, executing a murder that I have officially dubbed "Death by Dishwasher." Bad-ass! He is the secret love child of MacGuyver and Bond.

UGLY BETTY
• Amanda was genuinely--albeit unintelligently--worried about Betty when she didn't return home for weeks after her father's heart attack. Even though I'm confused as to why she doesn't have her roommates cell phone number, I was more interested in Amanda's illiteracy. She thought Betty had had a heart attack, and when Betty corrected her, she responded: "I know Betty, but these things are generic." Naturally, she meant "genetic"--at least she only missed one letter.

• Mark was concerned about Wilhelmina, because she kept wandering off to have work-sex with Connor. So he asks Betty for advice, saying, "When Daniel gets 'distracted by life,' what do you do?" Wow! What a euphemism! On a side note, I'm glad he took Betty's advice and grabbed his chance to take on more responsibility.

• Betty accidentally mailed Daniel's private romantic getaway photos to that gabbing gay guy Suzuki, so Amanda suggested hounding his ex for dirt that would make for juicy blackmail. When he refused, Amanda threatened: "I'll tell everyone that you have ambiguous genitalia. Oh yeah, like a Ken Doll. And that's the kinda stank that don't wash off." That is the most heinous threat I've ever heard coming out a person that wears clothes worth more than my rent. Honestly, it's difficult to fear someone wearing French designers, but Amanda nailed it!

• I can't remember why they were talking about celebrity sightings, but Betty mentioned one that Amanda never shuts up about. Apparently, she saw Jeremy Piven on the train and he "goosed" her. Naturally, I had to look it up. I was disappointed to learn that it just means he
grabbed her ass. I feel like the word "goosed" has so much more potential for perversion. ;O)

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
• Lyla convinced Tim to go to a fancy lunch with a potential booster's family and her obnoxious dad. The booster was an Oklahoma University alum and Riggins just got interest from that university, so he was nervous about meeting him. When Lyla mentioned the man, he reeled off facts about him that he would only know if he had researched him on the Internet, which inspired Lyla to sarcastically say, "I didn't know you googled," to which he responded, "Well, I'm not retarded." You could've fooled us Riggs!!
• The only other thing worth mentioning is that I am sick and tired of good guys being sucked into the black hole that is their first love. Can somebody please free Matt from Julie's clutches?...and while you're at it, pry Landry away from Tyra and visit Smallville to shake Clark awake from his Lana fantasies. These women are poison.