Monday, March 02, 2009

FILM REVIEW: 10 Reasons Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li Counts as a Comedy

Here are 10 aspects of the Street Fighter spinoff origin story that prove it was 80% comedy and 20% action film:

10. The shameless use of a stripper pole to fight off goons.
9. Michael Clarke Duncan's dialogue
8. The rattle snake sound that came through the speakers every time a spider or web tattoo was shown. (Rattle snake? Really?)
7. The shameless flirtation that seemed more forced than usual between Moon Bloodgood ("Journeyman") and Chris Klein (American Pie). (I swear to you, he pretended he had to kiss her in order to prevent Balrog from seeing them and then uttered the words, "It had to be done" in a super serious tone.)
6. The 60 seconds of "acting" that the Black Eyed Peas rapper Taboo performed as the best fighter employed by the evil Bison.
5. The "Irish" accent Neal McDonough ("Desperate Housewives") attempted.
4. The pathetic excuse for a lesbian seduction on the nightclub's dance floor.
3. The contrived story of how Bison was desperately searching for the daughter he implanted his soul in by cutting into his wife's stomach with his hands.
2. The Last Dragon-Leroy-like final-showdown hand motion created by Chun-Li in the end. (It's extremely uncool to use special effects from 1985 unless it is 1985.)
1. Klein's attempt to be taken seriously as a badass cop with slicked back hair, a leather jacket, and a "gangsta" walk with rap music in the background.

This film is so bad it's like The Spirit and Bulletproof Monk were recut to birth the first Razzie nominee for the Worst Movie of 2009. And now (for good measure)...

Three Reasons to Sneak in to Watch it:
1. Kristin Kreuk's fighting skills are badass.

2. If you really really really like Kristin as Lana Lang on "Smallville," you' her more.
3. If you're bored and you have free time...

1 comment:

  1. LOL on the Last Dragon reference. You make a good case. I still liked it though. It was better than the first one.