FILM: New in Theaters - 5/1/09

If you haven't seen it online already love watching superhero flicks and/or things blow up, X-Men Origins: Wolverine is just the movie for you. However, if you don't like these movies and you're just bored, don't go watch it. This marks the beginning of a long series of films that will explore the origins of potentially every single X-Men character that has ever been drawn. Awesome news for comic book lovers! Not so awesome news for everyone else. In this origin story, we delve into Logan's past and discover the relationships and events that made him the blade-wielding badass that we all know and love. Sprinkled through the film are several characters that might pop up in future origin stories of their own: Sabretooth (Liev Schreiber), Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds), Gambit (Friday Night Light's Taylor Kitsch), Bolt (Dominic Monaghan), Agent Zero (newcomer Daniel Henney), Silverfox (True Blood's Lynn Collins), The Blob (Lost's Kevin Durand), Wraith (rapper Will.i.am), and a young Cyclops (newcomer Tim Pocock). I'm personally psyched to finally see Gambit, one of my favorite X-Men, on the big screen. Of course, it doesn't hurt that he's being embodied by the uber hot Kitsch.

If you find Matthew McConaughey as charming as most women do and find Jennifer Garner to be self-depracatingly adorable, then you'll probably watch Ghost of Girlfriends Past. Think of it as two hours of closure. McConaughey plays a guy who's spent most of his life plowing playing the field and avoiding his first love, until he has to go to a wedding and all his buried emotions start rushing back. "Ghosts" from his past start popping up to help him backtrack and realize where he went wrong. I'm guessing it's when he dumped the girl of his dreams (duh!). Nonetheless, you're sure to be tickled pink with appearances from Michael Douglas, one of Hollywood's unabashedly funny women Emma Stone (The House Bunny and The Rocker), and the over-the-top Lacey Chabert (Mean Girls).

If you are a fan of alien movies and animated films (and you don't mind sitting in a theater with hundreds of whining, screaming children), then you should watch the beautifully illustrated Battle of Terra. Luke Wilson, Justin Long, and Evan Rachel Wood voice aliens who have to stop...a human invasion. Consider this a continuation of Wall-E's message that humans are not only a waste of space and the main pollutant of Earth, but co-opters of all things that aren't theirs.

Other options:
• Last week's number #1 movie, grossing $28 mil, Obsessed, starring the divalicious Beyonce, a crazed Ali Larter, and the supposedly sexy-enough-to-be-in-a-love-triangle Idris Elba.

• The surprisingly funny family film 17 Again, starring the very much drooled over Zac Efron, the MILF with a funny bone Leslie Mann, the under-utilized but ever hilarious Thomas Lennon ("Reno 911"), and a venerable up-and-coming laugh-riot Sterling Knight ("Sonny with a Chance"). [I'd watch it again if only to see Efron get smacked 10 times in a span of two minutes, Knight calmly walk away from his crush while knowingly on fire, and Melora Hardin ("The Office") speak elvish in a sexy voice fulfilling Michael Scott's wet dream.]

• The out-right promotion of teen violence Fighting, starring the unbelievably hot Channing Tatum, the street-sleazy Terrence Howard, and the resident eye candy Zulay Henao (Feel the Noise).

• The critic-approved biopic The Soloist, starring Jamie Foxx in Oscar-mode and Robert Downey Jr. glad to not be playing the f*ck up for once.

• The Disney documentary Earth, starring beautiful creatures and landscapes that'll make you want to recycle and take shorter showers.

• The only animated film in theaters—gasp—Monsters vs. Aliens, voiced by the super-sweet Reese Witherspoon, the dopy Seth Rogen, the uber dorky Rainn Wilson, the stilted Brit Hugh Laurie, the...omg there are so many voices in this movie: Will Arnett, Kiefer Sutherland ("24"), Stephen Colbert, Paul Rudd, Jefffrey Tambor ("Arrested Development"), Amy Poehler, Ed Helms ("The Office"), Renee Zellweger, John Krasinski...funny, funny, funny people.

• The very much-talked-about political suspense thriller State of Play, starring a relentless Russell Crowe, a devious Ben Affleck, a tough-as-nails Helen Mirren, a boundless Jason Bateman, and a gossip-hounding Rachel McAdams.

• The teen-tastic Hannah Montana movie, starring (duh!) Miley Cyrus and a few new actors who aren't on the series, like native Texan Lucas Till (Walk the Line).

• The fourth film in the car porn saga Fast and Furious, starring the baritone-speaking Vin Diesel, the grittier Paul Walker, the "innocently" beautiful Jordana Brewster, and a bunch of other people who are inconsequential.

• The action-packed sequel Crank: High Voltage, starring the B-grade adrenaline junkie Jason Statham and the C-grade, glorified T&A Amy Smart.

Lastly, check these out before they exit theaters for good:
• I Love You, Man: It dropped out of the top 10 from #9 to #11 with $68 mil.

• Knowing: Moviegoers retired it from #8 to #12 with a respectable $77 mil—respectable for Nicholas Cage that is.

• Observe and Report: It's been considered as the indie Paul Blart, and has been treated accordingly, dropping from #7 to #13 with $22 mil after its third week.

• The Haunting in Conneticut: Even though it went from #10 to #14, technically it's the #1 horror movie in America with $54 mil...unless you count Obsessed.

• Dragonball Evolution: I'm not even surprised that it freefell from #11 to #22 with just a measly $8.7 mil—for shame. Maybe next time they'll stay true to the series. At least then they'll get people who will be tricked into thinking it's good as opposed to people who know for sure that it isn't.