"Oh my god! That was the doorman!" <--I'll get back to that.
So, for some reason this episode was thrown together like a season finale. There was a whole lot of resolution, wrapping up several juicy plot lines. Luckily, there were also a few tasty cliffhangers. Lily and Rufus got married in his loft after several false starts, caused by Lily's self-sabotage. Georgina threatened to tell the Humphrey's Scott's secret if Vanessa didn't dupe Dan into believing his movie star girlfriend was hooking up with Orlando Bloom in Japan. He then interpreted her sudden campaign against Olivia as a hidden declaration of her true affections. [Read: Delusional.] Thankfully, this lead to a belated big reveal, where she finally told him Scott was his brother. Unfortunately, after failing to convince Georgina that Vanessa held up her end of the bargain, the wicked wench dropped that major nugget on Rufus and Lily seconds before they were about to walk down the aisle. But if you think about it, if she didn't go all Jerry Springer on them, and reveal the true paternity of the kid, Lily wouldn't have realized her major defect and finally married Rufus. In the end, Scott decided to go back home and break the news to his parents, hinting at his random return later in the season, which seemed a little sloppy. If I found my long-lost kid after thinking he was dead, there's no way in hell he's leaving. I don't care if it is my wedding night.
Meanwhile, Chuck and Blair were running interference between Serena and Carter. It turns out Brie Buckley wanted to set up a meet-and-greet between her cousins' fists and his face. Apparently, he had major debts last year and decided the easiest way to get rid of them was to woo some unsuspecting shy heiress. In comes Brie's overly trusting cousin Beth and her millions. Once his debt was paid, he bolted and practically left her at the altar. We should give him credit for admitting that to Serena before anyone ratted him out. And I guess we should also pat him on the back for agreeing to meet Brie's burly cousins later that evening to settle his debt to her family. But, I'm not sure what that would entail. Do rich Southerners beat the living crap out of con artists? Or is it like 'When in New York, do as the Upper East Siders do?,' which, again, is a mystery to me. I guess we'll find out next week when Chuck gets Serena into a secret card game that I'm assuming will save Carter's ass. Hmm, I'm not sure about this. How long can this relationship last? What are the chances he's not just using Serena to settle these debts? It's much less terrifying to be on the bad side of a Van der Woodsen, especially since four out of five of the men in the family barely have a backbone or any sort of nefarious pull. Then again, I doubt he'd ever cross Chuck again...or Blair for that matter.
The best part of the episode had to have been Georgina's send-off. Dan was bummed that she didn't get her come-uppance, but Blair assured him that karma would take care of her. Of course, karma came in the form of a Russian con. Derota, incognito, stood by as--if I'm not mistaken--her doorman-boyfriend pretended to be a prince who wanted to whisk Georgina away to his Belarusian castle. I can't fathom where he's actually taking her, but I did appreciate her saying that she was "over college," so it explains her sudden absence from the season.
The second best part of the episode had to be Blair's scathing dismissal of Brie during a couple's luncheon. Apparently, Nate thought she'd be civil and accept his new lover. But she didn't even give Dan a fair shot the first time Serena introduced him, so why did Nate expect anything less than unwarranted judgment? I can't really decide which was my favorite put-down. Was it when Brie dared to utter the words, "Family royalty is really big down there," referring to Texas, and Blair accused her of racism, asking, "Like slavery?" Or when she took advantage of the Southern belles absence and advised, "Trust me Nate. I know women, and none of us are that nice." lol Even when she's not the center of attention, B never fails to entertain. As of now, Nate and Brie are kaput. Surprisingly, without a self-congratulatory "I told you so" from Blair. But who knows what will appear on the horizon. Maybe their Romeo+Juliet romance will out-live Serena and Carter's random affair, and Blair will have a brand new nemesis.
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