Funny lines and interesting or annoying plot points of the week:
Gossip Girl
I promise to keep my Chuck-gushing to a minimum, but I do have to say that I did not expect him to react to Blair's rejections the way he did. That conniving snake decided to blackmail her into not dating Nate. Brilliant. But of course the main topic of the show--teased in the holiday previews--was the secret all the students promised to keep. Always in the mood for a party, they threw an impromptu poolside bash at the school. They would've never gotten caught for trespassing if some nitwit didn't bang his head and fall unconscious into the pool. Dan happened to be the only one with a conscience and a scholarship to worry about, so he was eager to out the person who had the key that opened the pool doors. He of course suspected Chuck who wickedly responded, "Whatever happened to don't speak until spoken to?" and referred to him as Humphrey Dumptey before scarring him with: "Regardless of who you're currently sleeping with, you and I come from different worlds...My family can take care of me. What do the Humphrey's have to offer? Used metro cards?" Unfortunately, clueless Dan didn't count on his own girlfriend being the key bearer. Heck, even Nate didn't know, since he tried to win back B's affections by taking the rap for her. Fool. He even tried to woo her with his words to which Chuck responded, "A heartfelt letter? Who spade you man?"
Meanwhile, Chuck was lurking in the shadows not only taunting B, but making Serena's skin crawl with his creepy step-sibling comments: "Why don't I turn that one-piece into a no piece?" As S said, "Incest: the universal taboo. One of the only ones you haven't violated." Well, he's young. I'm sure he'll get around to it. His come-ons didn't end there either. He claimed he wanted to catch up on their missed childhood memories and bathe together. If there was ever a time to invest in mase this was it. Who knew the wrench that would be thrown in Chuck's master plan would come in the form of the high-and-mighty Vanessa, who was busy filming a documentary about Dan's pursuit of Serena so she can win a grant that would pay for her rent. I believe her description of the film was: "The outsider goes inside. A likable everyman's pursuit of his dream girl begins his descent into the bowels of hell. This is mythic stuff." Of course, Vanessa didn't realize what she was getting herself into. While following Dan around, even in mixed company, she caught B on tape admitting she'd slept with Chuck, so he outright demanded to have the tape for blackmail and B counter-demanded, claiming she had dibs since it was her house. But V wasn't so generous and tried to bolt. It took Dan to come to her rescue with: "Last time I checked, I still owe you a black eye. So unless this is you coming to claim it, stay away from her." That wasn't the end of it though. B privately threatened V and she didn't tremble like she expected. Then Chuck swooped in, ten grand in hand--to which V referred to as his "stripper money"--and offered to lift her out of poverty. With only a tad bit of hesitation, she snatched the money and gave him...a blank tape. Then she swung by B's apartment and gave her the only copy of the tape before self-righteously claiming that not everybody is a bitch--in nicer words of course. So B returned the favor by paying her rent for a year and fashioning a half-assed "thank you" by expressing how she refused to be indebited to anyone and how happy she was that she was "free to return to disliking" her. So what did V do with the ten grand? Created a medical grant for teens with genital herpes in Chuck's name. Priceless. Perhaps V's bravery encouraged B to get up from under Chuck and slide back into Nate's arms. Next week when Nate learns what Chuck did, a long friendship gets terminated, and B takes a much-needed pregnancy test. Scandalous. Oh yeah, Lily broke Rufus' heart again upon Serena's request, since she refused to be dating her step-brother. Whatever.
Friday Night Lights
Oh, where to begin? While Buddy is getting his heart ripped out by his ex-wife who is remarrying and Landry tries to get tips on dating from Julie, Riggins makes himself at home in the Taylor household, giving Julie and her aunt ideas of romance--totally delusional of course. He didn't help squash their fantasies much, since he was adorably playing with the baby, fixing things around the house, offering to pick up groceries, and clinching it by risking his life to protect Julie's during a tornado. Granted, all he did was cover her while they were perfectly safe in a supermarket, but that was enough to give her fantasies for a week. Either way, Riggins had it good.
Because of the tornado, another high school, Laribee, got ripped apart and their team had to practice on the Panther's field. Of course football players are like gang members and these were gunning for our Dillon players, vandalizing their lockers with "Smashhole," shaving cream, and gay porn, and peeing on their clothes. And the Laribee coach was all too encouraging about it. Panther retaliation first came in the form of the most unlikely hero, Landry, who mockingly showed sympathy for the fact that their trailers got blown away and punched out the head quarterback after he saw him flirting with Tyra. Trust me, he deserved it--his first pick up line to Tyra began with him licking his finger and whiping it on her sleeve, then saying "Let me get you out of these wet clothes." GAG. Poor Landry's been trying to re-win her over, but she claims he "makes her feel too much," and asks him to give her time to mull over her emotions. He totally blindsides her by saying that he's tired of waiting for her to realize she deserves better than a jerk from Laribee and refuses to wait around any longer. It's. About. Time. The second retaliation came in the form of Riggins practically bumrushing a Laribee player in the middle of the weight room. Their coach defends him and throws Riggins to the ground, giving Coach Taylor the perfect excuse to pin him against the wall and threaten to kick his "old tired ass six ways from Sunday." Riggins was highly grateful and was officially redeemed in Coach Taylor's eyes.
But you know Julie--that bitch who broke Saracen's heart--she had to get jealous when she saw Matt in PDA-mode with Carlotta. And since Riggins is a stand-up guy he secretly vowed to keep an eye on that self-destructive skank. She gets wasted at a party and some loser claims he's "one beer away from getting laid" and Riggins does the sexiest thing ever: he threatens to "end him" if he even looks at Julie again. So of course he's left with the task of having to carry her ass home and when she drunkenly refuses to let go of him while he's positioning her on her bed, the coach walks in on what seems like date rape and furiously orders Riggins to get the hell out. Next week, Riggins is not only homeless and still "guilty" in Coach Taylor's eyes, but while he's playing a game against Laribee, the opposing coach tackles him to the ground. Oh, it's on!
No comments:
Post a Comment