Tuesday, December 09, 2008

TV Highlights: "Gossip Girl": Lily's Secret Revealed, Chuck's Downward Spiral, & Blair's Declaration of Love

Poor, poor Chuck. I know, I know. He was like a douche to the nth degree last night, but it's not like his emotions didn't warrant a little lashing out. Oh wait! His father never showed any interest in him his entire life. So why oh why did Chuck feel the need to play the orphan boy? He's filthy rich. He can now, officially, do whatever he wants. And as per usual, he doesn't have to worry about any parental scolding. What's different exactly? Besides the fact that some overbearing, unfeeling douchebag of a father doesn't glare disappointment at him every other month when he happens to be in the same city--let alone country--as him? Ding dong the dick is dead! Who freaking cares?

That aside, let's rejoice for (and ponder what) Bart's death has blessed us with:

1) The obvious, of course, being Blair's declaration of undying love. I totally rewatched that scene three times. Ok, so first he yells, "I'm not your boyfriend!" She hesitates for a second--a millisecond even--and then tells him that she loves him. In the minds of teenage girls everywhere, bells chime, doves fly, and a collective breath is taken. Blair gives a subtle nod for him to say it back as she stares deeply, longingly into his cold, tired eyes. His face trembles a bit, like the words want to erupt from his lips, and then he regains his strength and growls, "Well, that's too bad." And my heart stopped!

2) I love that that moment was prefaced with Nate, who looked super bored with Chuck's antics, accusing Blair of being maternal. "I'm not maternal, I've just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish." Wow! So apparently Catholics are frigid. Go figure. And then it was followed by Blair seeking comfort in her future step dad's arms (and not Dorrota's--gasp!), as she blubbered, "He's just as selfish and soulless as ever--only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist." Well put B. It was super cute when she demanded a longer hug from Cyrus, saying, "Wait! Not enough." That phrase is officially stuck in my head. I also loved it when she covered her eyes as her mom kissed him at their private wedding ceremony, which, despite the fact that I'm 23, I still do with my parents.

3) While Blair's behavior was welcomed and appreciated, I was thoroughly floored by Ed Westwick's sudden range of emotion. Sure, he's been angry before, but never distraught and broken like this. I can't choose my favorite moment of destruction. There was the scene where he basically murders any self esteem that formerly-suicidal Eric ever had by denying any affection for him. Then there was the nearly electric moment between him and Dan, where he basically claims that Rufus and Lily's infidelity was the sole reason for his father's demise. And, of course, there's the scene I mentioned before where he rejected the moment he'd been waiting for for almost a year, a moment that not too long ago he would've devoured with a triumphant smile on his face.

4) Because of Bart, there was a lot of carpe diem going around...like a virus. Oh Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. Go. Away. John Patrick Amedori looked so disinterested with his own dialogue in this episode. His lackluster attempt to childishly tug-of-war with Dan for Serena was so half-assed, it was like an anorexic fighting a 600-pound man for a cracker. Aaron might want her, but he's not willing to put himself on the line for her. He rather just sneakily buy tickets to whisk her away from his competition. How very Bart of him. The only time Amedori showed any life was when he stuttered, and even then it seemed forced, like he was trying to manifest some flaws to seem interesting. Sorry, but Penn Badgley's (Dan) already wearing that trick down. Try something else, like acting. Did anyone else think it was hilarious that it took Dan all of 3 seconds to call Serena once he found out that his dad was never going to be with her mom. No sympathy or concern, just speed dial.

5) That, of course, brings us to Lily's huge, mind-blowing secret that had me fist-pumping the air like a Trekkie decked-out at Comic Con. I cannot freaking believe she tried to force her mom to hide the fact that she...well, she either gave up a child she had with Rufus for adoption or had an abortion. First off, I can't really tell which it is, because Rufus revealed the truth by asking, "Just tell me, was it a boy or a girl?" Now the past tense suggests that it isn't alive anymore and the fact that he didn't ask where the child was also implies that. But my friends are saying that no one finds out the sex of an aborted fetus, so it has to be alive, which is a score for us, because it means a new cast member is on the horizon. Perhaps one as tawdry as Serena used to be, to provide a nice little play friend for Chuck. Secondly, I thought Lily's mom was the one who was trying to hide it, which makes me wonder if it was her mom's idea to do away with the child--one way or another--or if it was hers. Either way, Lily is about to be in the dog house with a lot of people. Let's put aside the fact that Rufus hates her guts--as would I--but once her children find out that they have a sibling they've never met or that she aborted, they're going to freak. And if that sibling is alive, Serena's going to freak even more, cause then her and Dan will share a blood relative, making their union even more disgusting than she imagined it would be if their parents got married. Thirdly, that child must be the luckiest kid in the world, if it's still alive. I mean, the moment Serena gave Lily her blessing to go away with Rufus, she immediately agreed to let S go to Brazil with Aaron. Hmmm. If you're with Rufus and S is with Aaron, then who the f*ck is going to spend Christmas with Eric? The asshole who just disowned him? Or his ex-boyfriend who cheated on him, and then crawled out of the hole he was in to apologize at Bart's funeral? Do either of those candidates sound good to you Lily? And if that's not evidence enough of bad parenting, why don't we examine how she almost brought a trembling Chuck to tears when she downright implied that if he hadn't called his father, he never would've died, and then proceeded to slap him. Good job! I can't imagine why he's gone on a drinking binge and plans to continue it into next week's episode.

I thought for a second that it was over too. When Lily convinced Chuck not to turn out like his father and push away the people that he loves, he burned the file documenting her betrayal. So I thought he went to B's house, asked for forgiveness, cuddled with her, and then he'd wake up a sad, but new man. Nope. Next week, he drinks so much that he decides to teeter on a ledge while B watches in exasperation. I vote for Dan to be the one to save him, cause God knows Nate is just a waste of oxygen unless he's providing "CPR" to the nearest warm female body.

SPOILERS: I read that Chuck's uncle will swoop in to set him back on the right path, Dan will get a new love interest in the form of a 25-year-old teacher (Lauren Breckinridge from "Related") who will eventually throwdown with Blair, and Lily will get attacked by someone she knows.

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