TV RECAP: "Gossip Girl": Hit the Road Jack!

Jack be Nimble, Jack be Quick, or Chuck Will Beat You with his Stick!
This week they curbed the "You-two-share-a-brother-oh-wait-you-don't" fiasco (as dubbed by
Dan) for the dethroning of Jack Bass (or JackBass, depending on how you read it). Chuck was seriously on the offensive. According to Lily, he tried the obvious approach, tempting his uncle with underaged girls, then planted coke in his gym bag, ambushed him with a transexual hooker ("Two--they owed me a favor."), tried to buy anthrax with his credit card, and got him on Megan's list ("If only his apartment were a few blocks closer to a playground."). He even wrote down more than twenty ideas for other tactical attacks to run by Lily, his temporary partner in crime--one of which involved a staged plane crash.

Luckily, Lily managed to simultaneously convince Chuck of her genuine concern for him and send Jack packing by legally adopting her little Charles, and gaining full control over Bass Industries. While she may have paid for her bravado when Jack tried to rape her in the Opera bathroom, she was reassured that she did the right thing when Chuck saved her. (Finally! He punches someone.) She later reinvites him to officially rejoin the family and move back into the house. Hmm, I wonder if the Humphreys will move in soon. Maybe Chuck and Dan will share a bathroom. lol And maybe he'll even get a little fatherly advice from Rufus. Can't wait for the Christmas card family photo.

Ms. Carr's Christening
Rachel Carr is Serena and Blair's new English teacher. She's so suburban that she referred to Brooklyn as that borough on the other side of the bridge. Why yes, non-New Yorker, that would be why we call it the Brooklyn Bridge. However, it's important that, as New Yorkers, we welcome newcomers, tourists, and migrators with open arms and open hearts...so that they can lower their guards long enough for us to haze them. So think of what Blair did as a mere initiation. While her actions were totally warranted--I mean, who gives B's to seniors in their second semester?--they could've been perceived as slightly childish, especially since Ms. Carr did eventually agree to give her a high average. Alas, B had already sent her to the wrong restaurant with hopes of going to the Opera, while she froze her naive little toush off. I would hardly call that humiliating, but then again, she is new in town. I'm sure she'll get the gist of how bad B's revenge could've been once B is finally through with her. It's one thing to stand in the way of Yale, but it's quite another to dangle it in front of her and then rip it away. Like B said, it's war. Something tells me though that Carr won't be easy to defeat. The way she whined to the headmistress was a little disconcerting. Maybe she has more pull than we know.

I read in the blogosphere that there'll be some type of storyline where B and Dan will be in a play together. Perhaps, the detention the headmistress has in store for her involves B having to participate in the arts, which she so clearly loathes by how she spat the word "poet" out at one point. I personally think making her kiss Dan would be punishment enough. lol I mean, if she won't name her new bulldog Handsome Dan as her fathers suggested, I doubt she'd ever agree to touching Dan in any affectionate manner whatsoever. However, it could make for interesting strife in a brand new love triangle that'll revive her tug-of-war with Chuck, especially since B and Dan will most likely be heading to Yale together. Speaking of which, I get that it was "Yale Day," but I really would've loved it if we could've learned where everyone else was going. Will Nate and Chuck be rooming together in the NYC for the next four years?

On a side note, I thought it was interesting that B said that this was a war she planned on winning. I hadn't noticed until now that she hasn't won any in a while. She lost the battle against Chuck and fell for him and she lost the battle against her stepfather, adding a third dad to the brood. I think she's in store for a win don't you? Or maybe she should accept this loss and save up her energy for the storm that Georgina will surely brew at the end of the season. She'll need all the fury she can muster.

Borderline Ridiculous Behavior
Okay, if you read this blog every week, you know I love GG. But I don't know if it's because of this momentous weekend of history in the making or if the writing was a bit off, but there were some truly over-campy moments that made me cringe:
• Blair screaming, "Cancel the Nelly Yuki project now!" was so overly dramatic.
• Her drones pretending to be the "Devil" on one shoulder and an "Angel" on the other was cute, but also very...middle school.
• Nelly, openly acting out towards Blair as though she stood a chance against her, was completely out of character.
• And, of course, the very end, when B ominously muttered to Derrota that soon she'd have to go "Black-ops" and "off the radar" to destroy Ms. Carr, was beyond bizarre.
Were they off this week or are they always this nutty?

QUOTES
Here are a few choice moments that reminded me why I love GG:
• A lovely exchange between Dan and Serena regarding Blair's psychotic obsession with getting into Yale:
D: What if I don't get in?
S: Forget you! What if I do and Blair doesn't?
D: Fire...and brimstone? And a lot of bitchy asides. Death by Derrota.
Wow! There's a "Death by Derrota"? What the hell does that look like?

• After a long night of old-people sex, Eric catches Lily and Rufus making out in the kitchen, which inspires him to declare: "I would say, 'Get a room,' but yours is RIGHT above mine. Please try to remember that."

• Blair was trying to explain to the headmistress that there's no way anyone would turn down Yale and give her their position, sneaking in a jibe at her favorite plebian: "Dan Humphrey? He's like a cafeteria lady who won the lottery. You couldn't pry that acceptance from his hands with the jaws of life."

• Ahh, I love it when there are pop culture references. Dan felt the need to over-exaggerate how young the new English teacher is by saying: "That's Miss Clark? Does she have Benjamin Button syndrome?"