Like Desperate Housewives, the show jumped ahead to the future. But instead of years, it was simply a week--and what a week it was. By the poll in the right margin, I know you guys love Chuck & Blair. The lascivious cad made some huge strides in this episode. Not only was he reasserting his interest in Blair, despite her violent rebuffs, he made amends with Nate by informing him of his father's sneaky plan to leave the country and avoid 25 years in prison. Nate's response to that master plan was very O.C.-Ryan of him--one sucker punch to the nose. But what really ended the Chuck-Nate feud was Chuck's spontaneously flustered declaration of love for Blair...and I quote, "I was in love with her." OMFG! Apparently Nate's real quarrel with Chuck was that he had treated Blair like another one of his play things, but now that he knew Chuck actually had "respect" for her, he had his approval. While Chuck was off getting the head-nod/thumbs-up from Nate (I'm not sure why both of those sound dirty), Blair was trying to destroy Vanessa's self-esteem so she'd ditch Nate--which shouldn't have been hard considering that hideous dress she was wearing. Luckily, V's got a backbone and she stood her ground.
Your second favorite couple, Serena & Dan, were on emotional-overload in this episode. The poor girl barely got to smile. Determined to get Dan back, she dropped by his loft to find Georgina/Sarah coming out of his bedroom. Serena practically tried to rip off her flesh, but--as women tend to do--she refused to allow Dan to take any of the blame of "what happened last night" and forgave him without hearing any of the dirty details. Of course, Dan--being the good guy that he was--eventually tells her that he didn't sleep with Georgina, but he might as well have. Hmmm. Although Serena was still willing to forgive him, because she told her mom that they were forever, he wasn't--not even after she told him that she hadn't actually cheated on him. He just couldn't get over all of the lies. It was too overwhelming. I guess he got tired of all the drama...but not before calling Blair so they can bring Georgina down once and for all--yeah, I was just as shocked as you.
Apparently, Blair and Chuck stayed up all night plotting, then passed out still in their partywear after they finally came up with a proper solution. But since Chuck had to play Best Man for his dad, Blair recruited Dan for her master plan. She screened a phone invitation he gave to Georgina to meet him at "their spot" in the park, making sure he didn't fumble while lying. He was so nervous about it that Blair quipped while rolling her eyes, "Don't worry virgin, I'll talk you through it." Although he felt bad about it, he got over it pretty quick when they were in the park and he helped Blair hand Georgina over to her parents. Interesting unknown facts about Whoregina, as Chuck referred to her:
1) She dropped out of the Equestrian circuit and sold her horse for coke.
2) She escaped from the Utah rehab center, but outlasted Lindsay Lohan.
3) She stole someone's credit card and bought a plane ticket to Ibiza.
Now, here's an interesting fact that Blair wanted Georgina to know about her: "Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here." Oh yeah!!! Off she went to reform school. *Tear*
As for the adults, Lily & Rufus decided not to run away together--after they faked us out. It seems that they have decided that it's been too long and they are now two different people. Bart's slightly subtle tactic in convincing Lily to stay with him was super creepy. Devising a metaphor of her relationship with Rufus that would compare to his with the first building he bought, he pretty much deduced that he had grown out of it and so had she. Um. Sure. Even though Lily told Rufus that she actually did love Bart, it was Chuck's speech that really defined the new married couple's relationship. Lily made Bart into a better man and Bart showed his love by never taking no for an answer. The guests thought this was charming and cute...and apparently so did Blair, since it was glaringly obvious that he was really talking about them. Victory! Not only did they kiss on the dance floor, but he asked for her to give him a chance to be the guy she wants. Awww.
Cut to one week later and everything changes drastically, making for one AWESOME 2nd season. Bart gives Chuck a seemingly supportive speech about how proud he is of him for settling down and reveling in monogamy. Chuck practically has an internal nervous breakdown when he hears the word "feelings," and in all of ten seconds changes his plans to accompany Blair to France for the summer so he can bed the new interior designer Amelia (Lydia Hearst), saying "I was hoping we could discuss what you have planned for my room." When she asks him, "And who are you?", he gives a response that justifies his 360, "I'm Chuck Bass." And let's be honest, we'd hate him if he pretended to be anyone else. So much for that unholy union. No worries. Even though Blair has no idea she's been ditched for good, she's already making googly eyes at her new flight companion, who shares her fear of flying and controlling personality, as well as everyone else's disgust for the Bass men. He's pretty cute--not a bad consolation prize.
Meanwhile, Serena and Dan were gearing up for a lonely summer with none other than Nate and Vanessa, who--surprise, surprise--are no longer dating each other. At first I thought they were going to tease us with some big secret that neither of them want to reveal, but by the way that both of them were behaving it seems like they came to some unspoken agreement that now that their respective crushes were free, they were going to swoop in. Oh yes GGers, we just might get a full season of Serena-Nate and Dan-Vanessa romantic plot lines. So you're probably wondering where all of the scandal will come in if everyone's staying on their own side of the...Brooklyn Bridge. Well not everyone is playing it safe. Lil J got a Parson's internship...with Blair's mom. It's going to be one hell of a summer.
Favorite Quotes of the Returned Season (some of them)
+ "Don't put your dirty package on the table?" says Lily to Serena, and Chuck responds, "If I had a dime for every time I heard that."
+ "Oh my god Chuck! I had no idea you felt that way about me," says Dan when Serena kisses him while covering his eyes from behind.
+ "But even you should know that jealousy clashes with L.L. Bean pants," snaps Jenny to Dan when he tries to warn her about her gay boyfriend Asher.
+ Factoid: Girls only listen to The 4 G's: Guys, Girlfriends, and Gossip Girl.
+ "It's your brotherly duty to make sure that Asher doesn't turn her into the next Katie Holmes," says Blair to Dan.
+ "Don't worry little J. The sun will come out tomorrow...even though your boyfriend did today."--Gossip Girl.
+ "Do you think that'll be us in 20 years--onto our 4th husband?" Blair asks Serena, referring to Lily. "A girl can dream," Serena says sarcastically in an exaggerated voice.
+ The defining quote of the series is the response that everyone's favorite character always gives when he's justifying his actions or power: "I'm Chuck Bass."
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