TRAILER: Kevin Smith's "Zack and Miri make a Porno"

Um, you might not want to play this aloud at work. I would advise also not watching it after or before church, or around children or grandparents. I, honestly, don't know what kind of trailer they could possibly air on TV because...

Alright, the movie is about two friends, played by Seth Rogen and the up-and-coming Elizabeth Banks ("Scrubs"), who try to solve their financial woes by making an adult film. It's a romantic dramedy, so they start to develop feelings for each other. But I'm sure the only thing anyone will remember when they leave the theater is how many dirty jokes there are. Here's how many can be made in 1 minute and 50 seconds:

Release Date: October 31st

TRAILER: Pitt & Clooney's "Burn After Reading"

Brad Pitt plays a complete idiot, who teams up with his fellow gym employee (Frances McDormand) to blackmail a CIA agent (John Malkovich) with a disk containing the memoirs of another agent (George Clooney), who just happens to be sleeping with that agent's wife (Tilda Swinton). Oh, those Coen Brothers (No Country for Old Men) are crafty. It's, of course, a quirky dramedy...and the first time we'll see Pitt and Clooney not playing bffs...or being suave and debonair for that matter. Prepare to be dazzled by their average Joe-ness:

Release Date: September 12

TRAILER: Nights in Rodanthe

In this Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook) novel, a depressed widower (Richard Gere) takes a trip to visit his estranged son (James Franco) when he encounters a temporary inn keeper (Diane Lane) who's going through a painful divorce. They fall in love and heal each other...in one weekend. Impressive. But of course there are obstacles in the way of their romance as her cheating ex-husband (Christopher Meloni from "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit") wants her back and she longs to reunite her family. Watch the love story unfold:

Release Date: October 3rd

TRAILER: Fred Dursts' "The Longshots"

Keke Palmer, breakout star of Akeelah and the Bee, enters a different competition in this inspirational dramedy about a friendless girl who becomes a quarterback on an all-boy football team with the help of her uncle (Ice Cube). This is Fred Durst's second directorial effort after The Education of Charlie Banks. Watch the trailer:

Release Date: July 25

FILM: New in Theaters - 5/30/08

Like last week, it's a no brainer as to what new movie everybody will be seeing. The much anticipated Sex in the City: The Movie will have females everywhere lining up for cosmos before and after they hit theaters. The ladies of New York have returned and their followers are getting nostalgic.

But for those unfamiliar with the TV show (Netflix it and call in sick!), there are two other options. You could crap your pants watching The Strangers, a horror flick about a couple (Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) who are terrorized by masked...strangers while they vacation in a lodge--that's right, in the middle of the woods, which is to say in the middle of nowhere. It's rated R, so I'm pretty certain there will be some bloody deaths. If that's your thing, watch the trailer...on youtube.

Then there's the indie drama Savage Grace, an adaptation of Natalie Robins' novel that tells the tumultuous true story of the Barbara Daly Baekeland murder case. There's betrayal, incest, and nervous breakdowns galore--should make for an interesting evening. Starring are Julianne Moore, Stephen Dillane ("John Adams"), Hugh Dancy, and the British newcomer Eddie Redmayne (The Other Boleyn Girl). Watch the trailer to become intrigued:

FILM REVIEW: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

*This will be SPOILER heavy.*


I'll start by saying that it's a mix of American Graffiti, E.T., and Jumanji. How, you ask? I don't know. I mean, I don't know how they could've possibly conceived a film that would consist of some of those movies' elements--or rather why they would even try.

The MacGuffin of the film is in the title, except there's one adjective missing before "skull": alien. Harrison Ford made an interesting observation during his press tour. He said that every Indiana film is a search for a religious idol, which I never noticed as a kid. In the first, he searched for the Ark of the Covenant; in the second, he scoured the jungle for a sacred stone; and in the third, he hunted for the Holy Grail. But this time around, the divine artifact was an alien skull made out of extraterrestrial crystal that was mystical enough to ward off death, as well as the murderous natives who worshipped it. It was but one skull of 13 that belonged to a skeleton perched on a throne beside 12 others, hidden in a lost city of gold, El Dorado.

While I would've bought the idea that there was a sacred artifact within this remarkably designed city, I couldn't fathom the thought that it was aliens who had built it. Apparently, the tale claimed that humans--Mayan humans--were incapable of having constructed their cities and performing certain feats without the technology of today. I guess I was a little offended that they were trying to strip the Mayans of their history with this half-assed story. That aside--I love the original tale of El Dorado and would've loved it even more if Steven Spielberg and George Lucas had simply sought its location instead. Why did they have to over complicate things? Alright, so the aliens explain the E.T. reference, especially since Spielberg directed it.


Where George Lucas' American Graffiti comes into play is present within the characterization of Mutt (Shia Labeouf) and the time period of which the movie takes place. Granted that film was set in the 60s and this film is in the 50s, but the emphasis on preps versus greasers and the infatuation with American-made vehicles is present in both. In fact, the first five minutes consist of an impromptu game of chicken with several close-ups of vehicles, revved engines, and the wide-open road. Mutt was the quintessential incarnation of a greaser, complete with an ever-ready comb to slick back his pompadour, a leather jacket, Harley Davidson, and rebel attitude.

As for Jumanji, which neither directed,...well, in the jungle, there's this really surreal scene when Mutt gets clocked by a branch and hangs high up in the trees with hundreds of monkeys. In order to catch up with the skull that's being driven away in a vehicle by the nefarious Russian, Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett), he follows the lead of the monkeys by swinging on vines all the way to where she is. I get why they did this--Indiana Jones swung on a rope once--but it just seemed so...weird. However, the continuous winks throughout the film at the Indiana we used to know and the possibility of Mutt following in his footsteps were fun to notice. They even teased us at the end when Indie's fedora flew past Mutt and he slowly motioned to place it on his head before Indie playfully snatched it back as he walked by. Of course, the assumption that he'll be his successor is only made after we discover that he is Indie's son, which Marion (Karen Allen) never told him because he left her at the altar.

Whether or not Mutt is next in line to crack the whip and swing through the jungle, it seems Indiana--or should I say Dr. Henry Jones--is slowly edging out of his treasure-hunting gear anyway. Throughout the majority of the film he was referred to as either Dr. Jones or Henry. Rarely did we hear anyone call him Indie or did we see him in his signature Indie wardrobe. One jarring incident occurs in the beginning when he's trying to elude KBG officers lead by Spalko. He wanders into a nuclear bomb test site that's dressed up as a "Leave it to Beaver" town--complete with mannequins--and immediately looks out of place in his safari gear. He escapes by locking himself in a lead refrigerator, just in time to witness the mushroom cloud effect that the bomb leaves in its wake. When I use to watch Indie films, I felt like I was being transported into another culture and time, but the simple fact that Indie and a nuclear bomb were juxtaposed brought me back to reality. This was Indie on American soil, fending off communists in a time of pending war. This was a political statement about present day issues. So what was the alien skull a symbol for?


Spalko was a ruthless and determined leader who followed Indie all the way into the royal chambers of the aliens. When the skull was reattached to the skeleton, she stared into its eyes and demanded to know "everything." The real treasure that was being sought after wasn't the skull, but knowledge--knowledge so vast and infinite that it came from an outsider's perspective...from a different planet. And when she received that knowledge, it destroyed her. Ironically, the aliens were there to seek knowledge as well. They collected artifacts from all over the world for centuries, and filled a room--quite similar to the one in National Treasure--with trinkets that would've been a museum curator's dream. I could try to juxtapose that story with our political situation, comparing American imperialists to the aliens, and the communists to our terrorist enemies, but then I'd forget--as I think the creators have--the true spirit of Indiana Jones. Is it just me, or did it used to just be about adventure?

Let's get back into the spirit of it then. The most memorable parts are the ones that paid homage to the other films by employing traditional Indie elements. It has one of the best car chase scenes I've seen in a long time--and I watch a lot of action movies. Fencing while perched upon two moving vehicles cannot be topped. Also, it wouldn't be an Indie flick if there weren't a few creepy crawlers. While Indie is still afraid of snakes--made perfectly clear by his refusal to grab onto one in order to escape quicksand (I wouldn't have either)--we learn that Mutt is terrified of scorpions and we get a load of some carnivorous ants reminiscent of the beetles in The Mummy. Then there were the hat-tips to Sean Connery, who played his father in the third film. Not only did Indie annoyingly refer to Mutt as Junior, like his dad did, but he quoted a Connery character from The Untouchables, telling Mutt, "I think you brought a knife to a gun fight." Of course, there's also the double cross. Someone always betrays Indie, and in this film it's one of his most trusted friends. But while there were quote-homages, like when he tells Mutt, "Don't touch anything!" as he once told his sidekick Short Round, there were also new ones that could possibly be just as legendary. For example, when Mutt complains that his mother gets to drive both cars during the chase, Indie yells, "Don't be a child! Find something to fight with." Only Indie would say that to his kid.

The real test of how good the fourth film is when you decide which Indie film you prefer. I, personally, am partial to the second known as The Temple of Doom, but only because I could live vicariously through Short Round. Most people are partial to the third, The Last Crusade, because it gives a lot of Indie back story through flashbacks where we learn who gave him his first fedora, why he's afraid of snakes, where he acquired his whip, and how he thought up the name Indiana. And, of course, Marion fans loved the chemistry between the two in Raiders of the Lost Ark and peg that as their favorite. So where does this one fit in? With solid performances from both Ford, Labeouf, and Blanchett, I'd say it'll stand the test of time and be marked down as a favorite of this new generation. After all, what kid doesn't love aliens?

FILM REVIEW: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

In the first Chronicles of Narnia film, we were introduced to the Pevensie children. In this sequel, we are introduced to their successor--both in the novel and in the future films--Prince Caspian, played by the British newcomer Ben Barnes. Therefore, naturally I went to the screening hoping to be blown away by him and eager to see him in the third film, subtitled The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. While I enjoyed his performance, his accent was a tad distracting.

Prince Caspian is a Spanish royal who must fend off his throne-robbing uncle, King Miraz (Sergio Castellito), and the conquistador-like army that he's unleashed upon him with the help of the Narnians and the Pevensies. Mastering a different accent, when you already possess such a strong one, is tricky. I once saw the New York-centric 50s romantic comedy play Guys & Dolls in London and I was a little wary of how they were going to pull off Brooklyn accents--or even just American intonations--but they did so remarkably well. It must be much more difficult for a Brit to convincingly enunciate with a Spanish accent, since Barnes kind of sounded like a Hispanic caricature--like he was imitating Ugly Betty's dad.

Another distracting element presented in the sequel was the attempt of the writers to add a modern teenage vernacular. Lucy (Georgie Henley) spent most of the film referring to her new dwarf companion as DLF (dear little friend) as if to copy the popular abbreviation BFF (best friend forever), and she even mocked her sister Susan (Anna Popplewell)--in the traditional teen comedy format--for telling Caspian to keep her horn in case he needed to call her again as though it were her phone number. Adding such an element seemed forced and uncharacteristic of the saga.

But those two sore spots can't overshadow how the sequel was ten times better graphically and action-wise. My favorite parts included (SPOILER ALERT) their brief but deadly encounter with the White Witch (Tilda Swinton), Susan's new archery tricks during hand-on-hand combat, the attack of the trees with their roots, the ground falling from underneath the enemy army, the water creature summoned by Aslan's roar, and Peter's final blow in the one-on-one combat against King Miraz.

Although I think Barnes and William Moseley did very well in conveying competitive personas, my favorite characters this time around were the comically grumpy Trumpkin (Peter Dinklage), and Edmund Pevensie (Skandar Keynes) who rarely spoke, but really stepped up his sword fighting skills. The writers endeavored to add more humor to the saga and with the addition of Trumpkin, it was easier to embrace it when it was dispensed by the rest of the cast, even the odd Puss in Boots-type incarnation of Eddie Izzard's sword-wielding field mouse, Reepicheep.

All in all, I remain excited about the third film, which has a summer 2010 release date, and even intend on renting this one so I can see the action again.

FILM: James McAvoy to star in "Hobbit"

While 77-year-old British actor Ian Holm originally played Bilbo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings, 29-year-old Scottish actor James McAvoy is being courted for the same role in Guillermo Del Toro and Peter Jackson's prequel, Hobbit.

Other names being tossed around are Daniel Radcliffe and Jack Black, but McAvoy seems to be the favorite, since he'll probably rope in the female demographic.

Who's your favorite to lead the movie?

TV: Garbage's Shirley Manson in "Terminator" series

On May 27th, Shirley Manson's first solo album was supposed to hit stores, but her record company shelved it because they didn't like the direction it was going in. The 41-year-old former lead singer of the 90s rock band Garbage may have anticipated this unceremonious rejection, since she's started booking film gigs. While she's presently filming a small part in ItW, she'll soon start shooting her role for the next season of FOX's "Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles," where she'll be playing the CEO of a cutting-edge high-tech company.

Could this be a good career move for the former rock star?

FILM: Beverly Hills Cop IV

In the event you were growing tired of a prosthetically-enhanced Eddie Murphy, one of the raunchiest and creative comedians of the 80s will be reprising his breakout role of Axel Foley in the 4th installment of Beverly Hills Cop that will be released in 2009--15 years after the third.

The saga is about an LA detective who follows his own set of rules in solving crimes, many of which include pranks and comical impressions. No word on whether his frumpy white sidekicks, Judge Reinhold and Josh Ashton, will reprise their roles as well, but I'm willing to bet that the plot will revolve around something teenagers will be interested in, like the paparazzi and celebrities. Heck, maybe they'll even get him a mini-me to play his sidekick--sort of a Foley-in-training--like Nick Cannon or...quick! think of another well-known, funny, black actor who is or appears to be between the ages of 18 and 25...no clue. I hope they don't resort to stunt casting like, Chris Brown, Usher, Corbin Bleu (High School Musical), or any other singer/child actor for that matter.

Are you excited about Beverly Hills Cop IV?

TV: New Fox series "Virtuality"

FOX has a new SCI-FI series called "Virtuality" in the works that is sort of a mix between it's Fall offering "The Dollhouse" and "Star Trek." It's about a team of astronauts who go on a 10-year journey to explore another solar system. For their mere amusement, the crew is allowed to use virtual reality modules (said to be similar to Star Trek's holodecks--I wouldn't know) to assume numerous identities and travel to wherever they want to go.

The series is brought to FOX by the producer of "Battlestar Galactica" and "Star Trek: DS9," Ronald D. Moore. Directing the pilot is Peter Berg (Hancock).

FILM: Who will replace Tobey Maguire as Spiderman?

With the increase of super heroes in movie theaters lately (Iron Man, Hancock, etc.), the producers of Spiderman are itching to get back into the game. But is Tobey Maguire ready to scratch that itch? (lol) Rumors are that he was only committed to three Spidey flicks and wants to get back into regular, non-action films.

He squeezed in The Good German between the 2nd and 3rd sequel, and the next movie he'll have in theaters is Tropic Thunder, which he has a small part in. Later this year, we'll see him alongside Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman in the war drama Brothers. And it was just announced that he will be starring in--what I belive to be his first--romantic comedy, Quiet Type, where he plays a mute who wants to conduct a NYC orchestra.

But in the likelihood that he doesn't re-up his contract and shed a few pounds to slip back into that spandex suit, the producers are considering their options--as well as other directions they could take the saga. Shooting for 2 back-to-back films, they're basing their decision on scripts written by James Vanderbilt (Zodiac and The Rundown).

There were rumors that his fellow castmate, Gyllenhaal, would take his place, since he was originally in the running for the first 3 flicks. But the producers have expressed interest in shooting for a younger actor like Almost Famous' Patrick Fugit (above) or Michael Angarano (below), who was just in the action epic Forbidden Kingdom.

Who do you want to get bitten by a radioactive bug? I say it has to be someone who is capable of being athletic, but still looks pretty dorky. Paul Dano (There Will Be Blood) kind of weirds me out and Anton Yelchin (Charlie Bartlett) may be too odd for the part. But Mean Creek's Ryan Kelley (below) looks pretty harmless and Max Thieriot (Jumper) would be good if he weren't blonde.

FILM: Big Man on Campus Plot

The writers of Made of Honor, Deborah Kaplan and Harry Elfont, have plans to rewrite and direct the teen comedy Big Man on Campus. The story is about a popular girl who is rejected by a geek. She gets stripped of her social status, while his rises, and the hierarchy of the entire school changes. Nerds rule, jocks drool.

Who should they cast?

TRAILER: He's Just Not That Into You

In 2004, comedian Greg Behrendt and "Sex in the City" writer Liz Tuccillo wrote He's Just Not That Into You, a "self-help" book about misreading human behavior in romantic situations. Four years later, the writers of Never Been Kissed, Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein, have adapted it for the big screen, toting a star-studded cast. While the movie centers around Ginnifer Goodwin ("Big Love"), who plays a girl who just can't take a hint when it comes to guys and dating, there are several couples and love triangles throughout the entire film--kind of like Love Actually. Here are the star-pairings in the trailer:



Kevin Connolly + Ginnifer Goodwin + Justin Long (I think that was him at the door): I believe Kevin has a date with Ginnifer, but Justin is interested in her.
Jennifer Anniston + Ben Affleck: She's eager to marry him and he's...not.
Bradley Cooper + Jennifer Connelly + Scarlett Johannson: Bradley is tempted by Scarlett
Drew Barrymore + I don't recognize the voice on the answer machine: but it looks pretty funny.

Release Date: October 24th

TRAILER: Sam Rockwell's "Choke"

When it first premiered at Sundance, Choke got rave reviews. It was written by Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club), adapted and directed by Clark Gregg (writer of What Lies Beneath and actor in "The New Adventures of Old Christine"), and stars Sam Rockwell (The Assassination of Jesse James and the Coward Robert Ford), Anjelica Huston, Kelly Macdonald (No Country for Old Men), and Brad William Henke ("October Road"). The story follows "a sex-addicted con-man [who] pays for his mother's hospital bills by playing on the sympathies of those who rescue him from choking to death." He beds and seduces almost every woman he encounters, but manages to show some restraint when he meets his mother's doctor. Could he be changing for the better? Watch the trailer:

Release Date: Sept. 26th

TV: "Burn Notice" Returns

Burn Notice, the snarky spy thriller set in Miami, returns July 1oth with it's awesome cast Jeffrey Donovan, Gabrielle Anwar, Bruce Campbell, and a new addition, Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer (below), as Michael's handler. Looks like Fiona's going to have some competition.

TV: Grey's Anatomy Season Finale Recap

There's nothing worse than being stalled, perpetually stuck in one place while the world passes you by, which is why it was such a delight to see that everyone in Grey's was growing--not just Sloan.

Christina went from being a mopey, depressed lay-about to a dancing, productive resident with the help of the sparkle pager that Meredith kindly lent her. She didn't just grow, she grew a pair, defying Dr. Hahn's orders so that she could handle a heart surgery that she was practically born to do. Luckily, the chief backed her up and scolded Hahn for failing to teach her residents and putting her ego before the well being of the hospital's patients. Having witnessed this chewing-out, Christina learned from Hahn's mistake and paged Lexie so she could teach her a super hard heart surgeon technique...on a banana.
Moral of Christina's story: Learn how to be a team player.

George went from being a passive aggressive whining intern to a pissed off future resident with the help of Lexie's meddling. It seems that Lexie is so desperate for affection that she'll break the law just to please George. After he complained that he had full access to the chief's files but felt insulted that the chief thought he'd never look through them, she stole a few and uncovered revealing secrets about all of the residents. I almost died laughing when George squealed, "Alexandra Caroline Grey!" Apparently Christina is dyslexic, Alex pretended to have testicular cancer in his entrance essay, Meredith had the least amount of recommendations (4), Izzie's recommendations were mainly from her patients and it took her 6 years of night school to get there, and George...George missed the resident's exam by 1 point. This crushed him so much that another one of Lexie's inspirational speeches was in order. She explained that his recommendations, which were in the double digits, raved about him with genuine syntax and not fluff, and because of that she knew that he was meant for greatness. I didn't catch the romantic subtext there until after George practically demanded that he be allowed to retake the exam when he told the chief that recording notes was beneath him and he ran home and kissed her on the mouth for giving him the push he needed. Her face lit up so brightly, she could've outshone the sun. I don't know how that's going to pan out, but I am interested in seeing whether or not he'll settle for Meredith's sister, since he can't have Meredith. Is he even still in love with Meredith?
Moral of George's story: To quote a movie (Dedication) I just saw, "Succeeding in this business is 99% perseverance and 1% talent." Don't ever let anyone get you down kid.

Miranda doesn't usually get any front and center cases, but her patient was...one for the books. A 19-year-old boy was dared to lay in a vat of quick-drying cement and because he wanted to impress a girl, he did it. Needless to say, since it was quick-drying, there were very bad consequences. The chemicals from the cement were searing off his skin, sucking the water from his body, cutting off the circulation to his limbs, and after they remove him from the block of concrete, all of those chemicals were going to rush to his heart and kill him. Ahh, the things we do for love. Needless to say, Miranda was a little frazzled, but it seemed she was frazzled before he had even arrived. She was trying to decide what part of her life she would have to give up in order to retain some sanity. After regaling us with some pretty accurate and entertaining Star Wars trivia to calm the dork in cement who had the audacity to compare his situation to Han Solo's carbonite capture, she decided it would be best to hand the clinic over to Izzie. That was a tad anti-climactic, but I guess it makes sense. There was a cute fire fighter (paramedic?) hovering over her at the beginning who seemed like he could be a possible love interest for her, which could be an interesting plot line next season, since her marriage is on the rocks and she's been complaining all season that no one would ever expect that she'd have sex in the closet.
Moral of Miranda's story: Sometimes having it all isn't what it's cracked up to be. With happiness comes sacrifice.

The surgeon who had the honor of wrangling the idiots who dared Han Solo Jr. was Callie. She was supposed to get details of what happened that would help the surgeons save the guy, but instead she learned that the girl he did it for refused to admit she liked him because her friends wouldn't approve. By looping Callie into this juvenile behavior, she was able to see that her attraction to Erica was also none of her friends' business and nothing she should be ashamed of. Somehow, Sloan was the one who ultimately convinced her of that. That's right ladies and gentleman, he's growing. I love the part when he said "I'd give anything to have someone think of me all the time." I hope he gets a solid love interest next season. Perhaps a new fertility specialist to replace Addison. In the end, the girl finally went to Han Solo Jr.'s side and kissed him, and Callie walked up to a distraught Erica, sputters for a few seconds, and then kisses her passionately.
Moral of Callie's story: There are some people who are willing to go so far as to leap into a vat of cement to prove their love for someone and then there are people who would let their true love die in order to protect their own hearts. You decide which one you want to be.

Alex was busy taking care of Eva, making her meals, helping her shower, and getting her dressed. But while he marinated in denial, Izzie watched, praying someone would tell her what to do to bring him back to his senses. After Eva slit her wrists and Alex rushed her to the hospital to stitch her up himself, Izzie demanded that Miranda step in. But Bailey wasn't having it and she told her that Izzie knew exactly what she was supposed to do. Even after Alex called Izzie a stupid bitch, she still admitted Eva into the hospital and assigned her a therapist and psychiatric drugs to treat her mental illness that had been developing since before her accident. The most heart-wrenching part of it all was when Alex begged Izzie to let him handle it. He was hysterical, screaming, "I've done this before! I've done this before!," referring to how he cared for his mother when he was little. He said that he was older now and he'd be better at it. Honestly, after watching that, I'd give him an Emmy. After he gave into Izzie's wishes, he found out that Eva's husband had left him and took her baby two months ago and then he told her that she'd be admitted to a psychiatric hospital for further treatment. She was lucid enough to apologize for not being there for him, because she knew he had trust issues, which proved that she really did love him. But what happened after presents the question of whether Izzie loves him too. When she got home, she went to check on him in his room and discovered him staring off into space while sitting on his bed. When she tried to console him, he tried to kiss her. When she rejected his advances, he begged her saying, "Just this once." While he was suggesting that they have sex just this once, it seems they never got that far, because he broke down in tears on her shoulder after the first kiss, sobbing "Please" over and over again. I don't think Izzie should be Alex's rebound or should date him out of pity, but I am growing impatient waiting for her to realize she's meant to be with him.
Moral of Alex's story: You should learn how to trust your friends more.

Meredith and Derek were given a midnight deadline (no pun intended) to develop the perfect virus for their case study or it would be shut down. All of the deaths of their patients were taking a toll on them both. Meredith sporadically popped in on her therapist to whittle away at her memory of her mother's suicide attempt--something that damaged her so much that when she saw Eva's blood on her kitchen floor, she scrubbed it even after it disappeared. Meanwhile, Derek started to beat himself up about never being good enough for Meredith, romantically or professionally, and decided he would sell the land he was camping out on--the land he planned to build the house he designed for Meredith.

Their patients, Beth (Jurnee Smollett from The Great Debaters) and Jeremy (Marshall Allman from "Prison Break"), were teenagers in love, despite the fact that Beth's parents were against it. Luckily, being hopeless romantics, before both surgeries, Derek and Meredith got the two love birds some alone time so they could lose their virginity to each other. I nearly died laughing when Derek walked in after and said, "How was it?" Because of the new restrictions, they were only supposed to operate on one of them, but Meredith got Derek to do both surgeries before midnight. Unfortunately, Jeremy died, prompting Derek to throw the celebration champagne in the garbage, tell Meredith he hated her for putting him through this, and advising Beth to go home. But Meredith convinced Beth that Jeremy's death helped them figure out how to save her, so they performed the surgery and she lived. The chief was happy, but she had defied him. She blew him off, told him about her mother's attempted suicide, and pretty much said she hated him for it, because he had destroyed an extraordinary woman. Then she ran back to her therapist to tell her what she realized about the day of her mother's attempted suicide. Her mother knew that she couldn't successfully kill herself by slitting her wrists, which meant she didn't really want to die. Yay! And when she told her to be "extraordinary," she didn't mean as a doctor, she meant in relationships. Double Yay! With Meredith's sudden revelation, the love in the air, and their success, they were both inspired to hunt each other down and celebrate. He ended up at her house and she ended up at his trailer, which gave her enough time to do the most romantic thing I've seen in a long time on TV. She reconstructed the house's blueprints--as best she could--on his land using hundreds of candles. Of course, she explained what it was--pointing out where their kids' bedrooms would be--when he finally arrived with a lot of ranting and raving, but he got her to shut up when he kissed her. FINALLY! Then he went to go break up with Rose.
Moral of Meredith & Derek's story: Patience is a virtue.

Oh and the chief got his wife back after repeatedly saying that he was a good man throughout the entire episode. Can't wait for the next season!

TV: Madonna Scored the "Ugly Betty" Finale

While you were chomping at the bit to revel in the Lindsay Lohan and Naomi Campbell cameos, did you notice another star appearance?

As I was watching the show, desperate to learn whether or not Betty chooses Henry or Gio (Please pick Gio next season!!!), I started to listen to the music and I realized...every single background song was sung by Madonna. And if I'm not mistaken, they were all from her new album Hard Candy. Now that's when you know you're an unstoppable star--when producers make the effort to find a scene for each song on your new album just to promote it. Ridick!

WATCH the episode again here! (The first song appears at the 4 minute-mark; the 2nd song at 10 minute-mark; etc.)

TRAILER: Vin Deisel's "Babylon A.D." teaser

Every time I see a little more of this movie, I get excited about the insane action in it that reminds me of films by Russian director Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted and Day Watch). Alas, Babylon A.D. is the brain child of French director Mathieu Kassovitz (Gothika) and the hero helming it is veteran action star Vin Deisel who has been M.I.A. from the genre since 2004's The Chronicles of Riddick bombed. The story follows a bodyguard that must escort a woman, bearing an organism that'll help a cult produced a genetically modified Messiah, from Russia to China. Michelle Yeoh also stars. Watch it for yourself:

Release Date: August 29th

FILM: Green Arrow plot

Although I'm sure the fan base for The Green Arrow isn't as large as, say...Spiderman or even the Hulk, it's still interesting to check out the plot for the upcoming movie.

The most recent incarnation of the Green Arrow was showcased on "Smallville" with Justin Hartley ("Passions") donning the Robin Hood gear and stealthy arrows. But with the new wave of super hero flicks producing triple digit profits in the first weekend, Hollywood is restarting its search for fresh meat. The writer of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, David Goyer, is producing this super hero tale, while Justin Marks, who wrote the upcoming Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, is screenwriting. Here's the plot for the movie that they're presently referring to as Supermax (as in super hero/villain maximum security prison):

“He’s Green Arrow for the first 10 minutes of the movie, and then he’s arrested and his secret identity is revealed. They shave his goatee and they take his costume and send him to prison for life, and he has to escape. It’s like ‘Alcatraz,’ and he has to team up with, in some cases, some of the very same villains he is responsible for incarcerating in order to get out and clear his name. Of course, tons of people try to kill him while he’s in there. We’ve populated the prison with all sorts of B and C villains from the DC Universe. For the fans, there will be all sorts of characters the hardcore comic book junkies will know, but they’re all going to be there under their human names and no one is wearing a costume, but there will be a lot of characters with powers and things like that.”

The coolest detail of the script is that The Joker, Lex Luthor, and The Riddler are inmates at Supermax. I feel bad for the guy who has to follow Heath Ledger's portrayal of The Joker, but as I've expressed before, super heroes/villains crossing over into each other's movies makes for an interesting movie-watching experience. So far, no word on who'll play the masked hero.

Click here to read the rest of the plot.

FILM: Prison Break's T-Bag in Transporter 3

I was clicking through film sites and I happened upon the movie poster for Transporter 3. Not only was I shocked to see the villain getting as much real estate on it as Jason Statham, but that the villain was Robert Knepper, who plays T-Bag in "Prison Break." I'm never usually impressed with bad guys in films, because if the hero/anti-hero is as talented as Statham, the chances of the bad guy winning are very slim, which diminishes his ability to frighten me. T-Bag, however, is one of the creepiest bad guys I've ever seen. He manages to make a Southern accent--traditionally heard from sweet women like Reese Witherspoon or Kyra Sedgwick ("The Closer") or rugged gentleman like Josh Holloway ("Lost")--chilling. I hope they put that creepiness to good use in the film--it would make for one hell of a sequel.

They're still shooting the movie and it's expected to hit theaters early 2009.

FILM: Robert Downey Jr. = Hugh Hefner

I agree that Robert Downey Jr. was a convincing playboy in Iron Man, but for him to actually get cast as the founder of Playboy, Hugh Hefner, in the aging millionaire's biopic is just absurd. They don't even look similar.

Hef, however, was impressed with Downey Jr.'s charisma when he saw the action movie, and "admires his humor and vulnerability." I don't know about you, but when I think of Hugh Hefner, I don't think funny.

Technically Downey Jr. hasn't said yes yet. He won't sign on until a director is chosen and the script is finalized. Oh thank god. Let's hope he's too occupied with Iron Man sequels to even consider it further.

What do you guys think?

FILM: Box Office Results - 5/23/08

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull ruled the box office this weekend and will continue to do so until everyone's 3-day vacay is over and done with. Coming in at #1 with $126 mil, it's official...Indie's still got it. Prince Caspian slid down to #2 with a sizeable $91 mil--almost half way to recouping its budget. Iron Man continues to break records, taking #3 and reaching $252 mil in its 4th week domestically and $207 mil internationally. What Happens in Vegas is still a solid contender as the only non-action movie in the top 5, coming in at #4 with $54 mil. Meanwhile, Speed Racer lags behind in the summer blockbuster competition at #5 with only $36 mil domestically and $24 mil internationally in its 3rd week--nearly half of its budget.

The other four comedies in theaters are slowly edging their way out of the top 10. At #6, Made of Honor reaches $39 mil in its 4th week. At #7, Baby Mama reaches $52 mil in its #5 week. At #8, Forgetting Sarah Marshall reaches $58 mil in its 6th week. And at #8, Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay shames the pot community, barely reaching $36 mil in its 5th week. Lastly, trekking along for the indie community, the heartwarming drama The Visitor nests at #10 with $4.4 mil in its 7th week.

As for the other new releases: The poorly reviewed Children of Huang Shi made $47,900 in 7 US theaters and about $2 mil overseas, while the equally debased dark comedy War, Inc. made $36,500 in 2 US theaters.

Next weekend, Indiana will have to contend with the lovely ladies of New York when Sex in the City hits theaters. Horror fanatics will be appeased with The Strangers and those looking for substance can be sustained with Julianne Moore's Saving Grace.

FILM: Hannah Montana's 1st feature film

It was bound to happen. Disney's "Lizzie McGuire" had a movie, so it was only natural that after making $65 mil with a recorded concert in theaters, they would bring the overly popular series "Hannah Montana" to the big screen. Miley Cyrus has already begun filming. Expect little girls everywhere to be screaming their heads off by next summer.

TRAILER: Brad Pitt's "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a story of man who ages in reverse. He's born looking shriveled and old and he'll die looking like a baby. Obviously there are supernatural consequences to this and it's graphically amazing to witness. Cate Blanchett plays the woman who falls in love with him and must struggle to maintain a relationship with a man who gets younger as she gets older. Also starring are Tilda Swinton and Elle Fanning. Watch the trailer:

VIDEO: Usher's "Moving Mountains"

Usher's second single off his album Here I Stand is the ballad, "Moving Mountains." It's a beautifully sung song about how difficult it is to maintain a relationship--it's like trying to move a mountain. It's a whole lot more poetic than it sounds, trust me. Listen for yourself:

His album is in stores May 27th.

MUSIC: Lil Kim's "Respirator"

The last time I downloaded or purchased a song, 2003's "The Jump Off," by the 32-year-old Brooklyn rapper Lil Kim her face wasn't re-etched by a plastic sturgeon and her breasts looked relatively real. It's a little hard to take the girl seriously when she looks like a product of Hollywood--botoxed, tucked, lifted, and injected--instead of a victim of the ghetto and a symbol of feminity within gangster rap. The record she released after...being released from prison, The Naked Truth, didn't exactly sweep the radio stations, so it's clear that she needs a little PR boost--a little more than having a cameo in Sex in the City: The Movie. However, after listening to her latest single "Respirator," I appreciate her attempt to try something different and just might give her the benefit of the doubt. Listen for yourself:

TV: Bow Wow will join "Entourage" cast

Leighton Meester ("Gossip Girl") isn't the only one joining the cast of "Entourage" in their next season. While she'll only be returning to the show for one episode, rapper Bow Wow will actually have his own storyline as one of E's new clients, a stand-up comic named Charlie. The young mogul--in real life--has aspirations to develop a career as successful as Will Smith. We'll see if he's actually that funny.

His real name is Shad Gregory Moss and he's been dipping his toe into acting ever since 2002 when he starred in his own kid's movie Like Mike. He also acted in the ensemble films Johnson Family Vacation, Roll Bounce, and The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Obviously, he has a long way to go to reach Smith stardom proportions. But at the moment he's filming the basketball drama Patriots with Forest Whitaker and Isaiah Washington ("Grey's Anatomy") and the dramedy Driving Lessons with Dermot Mulroney (My Best Friend's Wedding), Selma Blair, and Max Thieriot (Jumper).

Watch him in the new season of "Entourage" in September.

FILM: St. Trinian's Sequel

You may not have heard about this quirky British film, St. Trinian's, but you should definitely try to rent it before the sequel comes out.

The story is about private school girls (Mischa Barton, Gemma Arterton, model Lily Cole, etc.) who put the boys of Animal House to shame. Maybe they don't drink profusely and strut around in dirty underwear, but they drive the adults of this film crazy with their wild antics, juvenile pranks, and unladylike behavior. St Trinian's is their home--their sanctuary where they can be free to do whatever they want. So when the school goes bankrupt and an uptight official (Colin Firth) tries to enforce new regulations, it's up to them to save it by organizing a heist with one of their teachers (Russell Brand from Forgetting Sarah Marshall). Watch the trailer:


For the sequel, they get a little Goonies-ish, when they go on a treasure hunt after they learn that their headmistress is related to pirates. It sounds childish, but I promise you that it'll be pretty damn funny. Especially since their headmistress is Rupert Everett (My Best Friend's Wedding)...in drag.

FILM: The World ends in 2012

There is a Mayan legend that the world will end in 2012. If you were cognizant in 1999 (when I was 14), then you heard all about Y2K and how computers would malfunction because they were not programmed for the 2000 year change. People huddled together, counting down warily to the new year, awaiting the total destruction of our technological age. In case you haven't noticed, 8 years later, we're all still alive--and we've got some kick ass technology.

The Mayans, however, predicted that doomsday was actually December 21, 2012--twelve years after our estimation. Roland Emmerich--the guy behind the surprisingly profitable epic prehistoric film 10,000 B.C. and the global warming, armageddon PSA The Day After Tomorrow--plans on turning that...theory into a movie.

In the film, our fate is compromised after a global cataclysm ends life as humans know it. In four years, that could be anything--especially, tech-wise. John Cusack and Chiwetel Ejiofor (Redbelt) are the unlikely heroes of the film. Cusack struggles to save his family, while Ejiofor plays "an idealistic science adviser to the president." It's set for a summer 2009 release...only three years before the world ends. lol

Update: Woody Harrelson was cast as a guy who has been prophesying the end of the world for a while, but who no one believes because they think he's crazy.

FILM: Paltrow is evil in "King Lear"

The last time a goody goody girl played a bitch in a period piece (Natalie Portman in The Other Boleyn Girl) nobody went to go watch. Maybe it was because it was even harder to accept that Scarlett Johansson was the kind-hearted sister. Either way, notorious girls-next-door, like Reese Witherspoon and Rachel McAdams, have succeeded in being mean girls (pun intended) before. But can you buy Gwyneth Paltrow as the evil daughter of King Lear in the next adapatation of the book opposite Keira Knightley, who'll play her sweet young sister?

The story itself follows a king, played by Anthony Hopkins, "who decides to divide his kingdom between his three daughters, based on how well they declare their love for him." There will be competitive quarrels and nefarious behaviour--not to mention epic battles. Now, I'm not knocking Paltrow. I was never too impressed by her in the past (Shakespeare in Love, Emma, Talented Mr. Ripley) but I loved her in Iron Man and look forward to being entertained by her in the future. I just don't think I can immerse myself in a story if I'm too preoccupied with the celebrity persona of the actor when it comes to them playing against type.

Casting hasn't ended. They're still searching for someone to play the eldest daugther. Hopefully the actress will balance out the two extremes. I was thinking Cate Blanchett. Who would you suggest?

FILM: "Highlander" Remake

If you are a true Sci Fi fan (or are related to one), then you know who the Highlander is. He is an immortal, sword-wielding Scotsman who must rid the world of the last evil immortal before he gets his hands on the "Prize," a mysterious all-powerful gift that is revealed to be, ironically, "mortality, the ability to sire children, and a telepathic/empathic gift wherein he can communicate with and influence the greatest minds or most powerful people on the planet." The writers of Iron Man are penning the remake of the 1986 movie that starred Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery.

No word yet on who will play the Highlander? Any suggestions? Perhaps Hayden Christensen? Are you amped?

FILM: "Runaways" = Super Villains' spawn turned Heroes

Brian K. Vaughan (co-producer and writer on "Lost" and creator of the "Y: The Last Man" comic) is writing the next Marvel film adaptation Runaways.

It's about a group of teenagers who discover their parents are actually super-villains. They decide to run away and band together so they can learn about their parents' origins and of their own inherited powers. Together they will undo the wrongs their parents have committed.

It would be like if X-Men or "Heroes" was devoid of adults. Sounds like a winner. Can't wait to see who's cast.

FILM: Eddie Murphy is speechless in "A Thousand Words"

Eddie Murphy is sort of an extremist. He either picks a really good part (Dreamgirls) or a really bad part (Norbit). So if you're not excited about his summer alien comedy Meet Dave, maybe you'll be interested in seeing the next movie he's about to start shooting called A Thousand Words. It's about a guy who learns that he only has a 1,000 words that he can say before he dies. Obviously it's a dramedy, since it sounds fantastical enough to be funny, but it's still kind of depressing.

The plot sort of plays on that game that everyone has had to have played in their life, "What would you do if you only had 24 hours to live?" But instead of spending 2hrs of a movie in a strip club/Las Vegas, they upped the ante by adding a more definitive cause of death--a self-inflicting one. I don't know about you, but I've never seen a speechless Murphy. I think it sounds like it could be good. However, Steve Koren is writing and he doesn't exactly have a great track record when it comes to comedies. I mean, if you liked Evan Almighty, Click, Bruce Almighty, Superstar, and Night at the Roxbury, then you might find it hilarious. But I'm not exactly a fan of his work, so hopefully Murphy puts the fat suit away and helps him bring the funny.

FILM: Superhero Movie Crossovers

Ever since Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk went into production there has been talk of cross-pollinating superhero movies--as in allowing one super hero to cameo in another's movie. Marvel seems to be really excited about this idea, since Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark will be appearing in Edward Norton's The Incredible Hulk. (Watch the clip!) There are even plans for crossovers in future films like The Avengers. Unfortunately, Samuel L. Jackson--despite his post-credits cameo in Iron Man--hasn't brokered a deal to appear in any sequels and reprise his role as Nick Fury again.

What do you think of superhero cameos? Do you want to see more of them?

FILM: New in Theaters - 5/23/08

Needless to say, EVERYONE is going to go see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. But for the three people that aren't, you have two indie options that are new this week. First up is "Tudors" star Jonathan Rhys Meyers' dramatically historical film The Children of Huang Shi. Along with Chow Yun Fat, Michelle Yeoh (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), and Radha Mitchell (Melinda & Melinda), he tells the true story of a British journalist who becomes a reluctant hero for orphaned children who must escape the Japanese invasion of China in the 30s. Get tear-jerked:

The other option is War, Inc. You've probably seen this movie as the one where Hilary Duff puts a scorpion down her pants, but it's a little more than a cheap trick. It's actually a political farce in the vein of Dr. Strangelove starring John Cusack that is about the commercialization of war. A former US president's company takes over a country called Turagistan and orders a hit on his main competitor, a Middle East oil minister. Many jokes and sight gags occur. Also starring are Joan Cusack, Marisa Tomei, Ben Kingsley, and ofcourse the Duffster. Watch the trailer:


P.S. I would recommend watching all three Indiana Jones films before heading to theaters tomorrow--that way you can make an informed decision of which one is actually your favorite...as opposed to just picking the one with the funny monkey.

TRAILER: Shia's "Eagle Eye"

It's like 77 seconds long, but I'm totally in. A terrorist cell frames a young guy (Shia Labeouf), painting him as a terrorist--planting weapons in his home and large sum withdrawals in his bank account--so that they can blackmail him into helping them commit a political assassination. They can contact him through any phone line and computer. They can control all of his actions. He has no choice. Love it. Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson, Billy Bob Thornton, Ethan Embry, and Michael Chiklis also star. D.J. Caruso, the man behind Disturbia, is directing and Eli Attie ("The West Wing") is co-writing. Watch the trailer:

Release Date: September 26

FILM: Jake Gyllenhaal in "Prince of Persia"

Jake Gyllenhaal is about to embark on his first epic fantasy adventure, Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, with Mike Newell (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) directing. Not only is it an epic, but it's based on a video game. This is a new frontier for the diligent character actor, but I'm sure one that his fans will follow him to.

Gyllenhaal will play Dastan, a young prince of 6th Century Persia, who pairs up with Princess Tamina (new Bond girl Gemma Arterton) to "prevent a nobleman from acquiring the Sands of Time -- a gift from the gods that can reverse time and allow its possessor to rule the world."

It's slated for a Summer 2009 release. Interested?

TRAILER: How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

I read Toby Young's book, How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, earlier this year, trying to gear up for the film's release in October, and I thought it was hilarious. I actually work in the same industry as he does--magazine journalism--and am quite familiar with every location and person he names. So it's kind of like reading Jossip or Perez Hilton if the Queen of all Media were actually blogging about media gossip. It's juicy and revealing, and of course totally taboo to like if you're friends with one of the novel's villainous/caricatured characters Graydon Carter, who happens to be the Editor in Chief of Vanity Fair. We've already been down this road with The Devil Wears Prada, igniting the wrath of Vogue's EIC Anna Wintour. However, after having loved Young's snarky commentary and insidery jokes, I was a little disappointed by the trailer. Simon Pegg (Sean of the Dead), as Young, is hilarious, but the addition of certain characters and plot lines that didn't appear in the book might sully things a bit. Also starring are Kirsten Dunst as his sidekick, Megan Fox as--what else?--the racy hot chick, Jeff Bridges as Graydon Carter, and Gillian Anderson ("The X-Files") as...a bitch. Watch the trailer:

ALBUM REVIEW: Jesse McCartney's "Departure" from Pop

Jesse McCartney's 2004 album Beautiful Soul was bolstered by the title single that had ladies swooning. However, his 2006 sophomore follow-up, Right Where You Want Me, crashed and burned, as he attempted to enter an edgier rock-infused genre. So it baffles my mind as to why he thought the solution to this slump was to veer drastically into R&B and Rap. Besides the fact that people would brand him as a poser, there was the slim possibility that his talent wouldn't translate well into that genre. It graduated from "slim" to "huge" after I listened to the third track, "Rock You."

Now it isn't all unbearable to listen to. "It's Over" still has Jesse crooning, except now there's an R&B backbeat from the producing team The Clutch--perfectly acceptable, despite the uncharacteristic lines: "I use to be tripping over missing you," and "I do everything I can to not put my business in the streets." Since when did he talk like that? Listen for yourself:

But then "Rock You" comes on and my ears started to bleed, because of its annoying chorus that's supposed to engage the listener but just makes them turn it off. I particularly hate lines like, "They call me Jesse baby." It's your name sweetie. It's not like a term of endearment. I get that people are trying to stick him with a preteen virginal fan base, but this isn't the way to mature gracefully. And if you want to know how to do sexy, then take a page out of your idol, Justin Timberlake's, handbook. Hell, hire Justin if you have to, just stop making tracks like "Into Ya," which makes me want to gag--it's so uncharacteristically perverted--or the overly rhymie "Makeup," where he says: "I want to see you when you wake up/cause you look good without make up," or the super high-pitched (and not in a good way) "My Baby," or even the attempt at a party song, "Freaky." Seriously, I want my Jesse back.

He managed to redeem himself a bit with "Told You So," "Relapse," and "Runnin," but mainly with his first single "Leavin" and what should be his second, "How do you Sleep" (below). Listen:


Sometimes I wonder what R&B and Rap producers and co-writers attempt to accomplish by playing "Yes-men" to pop singers. Why would you sully your reputation by giving them half-assed lyrics and sub-par beats? It just makes them look like idiots. Jesse really needs to master the art of treading the fine line between R&B and Pop without sounding forced. Oh! and I hope the rumor about him hooking up with Aubrey O'Day from Danity Kane isn't his way of trying to appear legit. She isn't a symbol of R&B. She's a skank--ask Perez.

TV: "Bones" Season Finale Surprise

Whereas some of you may have not been duped into believing that Booth died in the first 5 minutes, when in actuality he failed to inform a very pissed off Brennan that it was all a ploy to catch a random killer, how many of you were totally gunning for Sweets and Hodgins as Gormogon's apprentice but were shocked to discover that it was actually Zack? I most certainly was. Does that mean our boy Eric Millegan is out of a job?

Bones and Booth negotiated a lenient sentence for poor manipulated Zack, consisting of a long stay in a psych ward. But does that mean we'll never see him again? I don't see why we can't occasionally stop by his padded room for a bone consult? It was obvious that they were trying to make it seem like Zack was the victim in the entire situation--that he had a weak psyche that was being dominated by a controlling figure--with Hodgins' little brother treatment as he patted him affectionately on the head and the motherly kiss on the forehead that Brennan gave him. Despite the fact that Millegan is actually 33 in real life, he plays young and naive really well, so anything is possible.

In case you forgot, Zack started off the series as Brennan's student/apprentice. But after he got his degree, he ditched her for a new master, Gormogon. During the episode, we were introduced to her class of students that includes several ass kissers. One in particular reconstructed a skeleton whose remains were scattered among thousands, causing Brennan to compliment her for a job well done. Beaming, she says, "I'm the third in my class." And in typical Brennan fashion, she responds, "I'd like the names of the two students in front of you." Hmm. Will those two or even this brown-noser be a new edition to the cast next season as Zack's replacement?

TV: Gossip Girl Season Finale Recap

Oh Gossip Girl, how I'll miss thee.


Like Desperate Housewives, the show jumped ahead to the future. But instead of years, it was simply a week--and what a week it was. By the poll in the right margin, I know you guys love Chuck & Blair. The lascivious cad made some huge strides in this episode. Not only was he reasserting his interest in Blair, despite her violent rebuffs, he made amends with Nate by informing him of his father's sneaky plan to leave the country and avoid 25 years in prison. Nate's response to that master plan was very O.C.-Ryan of him--one sucker punch to the nose. But what really ended the Chuck-Nate feud was Chuck's spontaneously flustered declaration of love for Blair...and I quote, "I was in love with her." OMFG! Apparently Nate's real quarrel with Chuck was that he had treated Blair like another one of his play things, but now that he knew Chuck actually had "respect" for her, he had his approval. While Chuck was off getting the head-nod/thumbs-up from Nate (I'm not sure why both of those sound dirty), Blair was trying to destroy Vanessa's self-esteem so she'd ditch Nate--which shouldn't have been hard considering that hideous dress she was wearing. Luckily, V's got a backbone and she stood her ground.

Your second favorite couple, Serena & Dan, were on emotional-overload in this episode. The poor girl barely got to smile. Determined to get Dan back, she dropped by his loft to find Georgina/Sarah coming out of his bedroom. Serena practically tried to rip off her flesh, but--as women tend to do--she refused to allow Dan to take any of the blame of "what happened last night" and forgave him without hearing any of the dirty details. Of course, Dan--being the good guy that he was--eventually tells her that he didn't sleep with Georgina, but he might as well have. Hmmm. Although Serena was still willing to forgive him, because she told her mom that they were forever, he wasn't--not even after she told him that she hadn't actually cheated on him. He just couldn't get over all of the lies. It was too overwhelming. I guess he got tired of all the drama...but not before calling Blair so they can bring Georgina down once and for all--yeah, I was just as shocked as you.

Apparently, Blair and Chuck stayed up all night plotting, then passed out still in their partywear after they finally came up with a proper solution. But since Chuck had to play Best Man for his dad, Blair recruited Dan for her master plan. She screened a phone invitation he gave to Georgina to meet him at "their spot" in the park, making sure he didn't fumble while lying. He was so nervous about it that Blair quipped while rolling her eyes, "Don't worry virgin, I'll talk you through it." Although he felt bad about it, he got over it pretty quick when they were in the park and he helped Blair hand Georgina over to her parents. Interesting unknown facts about Whoregina, as Chuck referred to her:
1) She dropped out of the Equestrian circuit and sold her horse for coke.
2) She escaped from the Utah rehab center, but outlasted Lindsay Lohan.
3) She stole someone's credit card and bought a plane ticket to Ibiza.
Now, here's an interesting fact that Blair wanted Georgina to know about her: "Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here." Oh yeah!!! Off she went to reform school. *Tear*

As for the adults, Lily & Rufus decided not to run away together--after they faked us out. It seems that they have decided that it's been too long and they are now two different people. Bart's slightly subtle tactic in convincing Lily to stay with him was super creepy. Devising a metaphor of her relationship with Rufus that would compare to his with the first building he bought, he pretty much deduced that he had grown out of it and so had she. Um. Sure. Even though Lily told Rufus that she actually did love Bart, it was Chuck's speech that really defined the new married couple's relationship. Lily made Bart into a better man and Bart showed his love by never taking no for an answer. The guests thought this was charming and cute...and apparently so did Blair, since it was glaringly obvious that he was really talking about them. Victory! Not only did they kiss on the dance floor, but he asked for her to give him a chance to be the guy she wants. Awww.

Cut to one week later and everything changes drastically, making for one AWESOME 2nd season. Bart gives Chuck a seemingly supportive speech about how proud he is of him for settling down and reveling in monogamy. Chuck practically has an internal nervous breakdown when he hears the word "feelings," and in all of ten seconds changes his plans to accompany Blair to France for the summer so he can bed the new interior designer Amelia (Lydia Hearst), saying "I was hoping we could discuss what you have planned for my room." When she asks him, "And who are you?", he gives a response that justifies his 360, "I'm Chuck Bass." And let's be honest, we'd hate him if he pretended to be anyone else. So much for that unholy union. No worries. Even though Blair has no idea she's been ditched for good, she's already making googly eyes at her new flight companion, who shares her fear of flying and controlling personality, as well as everyone else's disgust for the Bass men. He's pretty cute--not a bad consolation prize.

Meanwhile, Serena and Dan were gearing up for a lonely summer with none other than Nate and Vanessa, who--surprise, surprise--are no longer dating each other. At first I thought they were going to tease us with some big secret that neither of them want to reveal, but by the way that both of them were behaving it seems like they came to some unspoken agreement that now that their respective crushes were free, they were going to swoop in. Oh yes GGers, we just might get a full season of Serena-Nate and Dan-Vanessa romantic plot lines. So you're probably wondering where all of the scandal will come in if everyone's staying on their own side of the...Brooklyn Bridge. Well not everyone is playing it safe. Lil J got a Parson's internship...with Blair's mom. It's going to be one hell of a summer.

Favorite Quotes of the Returned Season (some of them)
+ "Don't put your dirty package on the table?" says Lily to Serena, and Chuck responds, "If I had a dime for every time I heard that."
+ "Oh my god Chuck! I had no idea you felt that way about me," says Dan when Serena kisses him while covering his eyes from behind.
+ "But even you should know that jealousy clashes with L.L. Bean pants," snaps Jenny to Dan when he tries to warn her about her gay boyfriend Asher.
+ Factoid: Girls only listen to The 4 G's: Guys, Girlfriends, and Gossip Girl.
+ "It's your brotherly duty to make sure that Asher doesn't turn her into the next Katie Holmes," says Blair to Dan.
+ "Don't worry little J. The sun will come out tomorrow...even though your boyfriend did today."--Gossip Girl.
+ "Do you think that'll be us in 20 years--onto our 4th husband?" Blair asks Serena, referring to Lily. "A girl can dream," Serena says sarcastically in an exaggerated voice.
+ The defining quote of the series is the response that everyone's favorite character always gives when he's justifying his actions or power: "I'm Chuck Bass."